Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Superwoman VS Mommy Butt Magnets

What are Mommy Butt Magnets? You know, that mysterious magnetic force that causes your children to follow you around the house all day. It is obvious that one is placed into the mother's back side and the other is in the child's forehead. That explains why they keep getting hit in the head when the mother makes a quick turn or bends over without warning.

I am not sure who placed these magnets into the mother and her offspring but it is really a safety hazard. I, personally, have knocked my kids down, stepped on their toes and bonked them in the head with my elbows or something I am carrying or knocked them onto a counter or doorknob or wall. I estimate that more than half of the injuries my kids experience from the time they can walk until they go to school are caused by this dangerous Butt Magnet.

I am not sure how long it takes for the force to wear off. My oldest child is 11 and he still occasionally falls victim to the pull of the Mommy Butt Magnet, although it seems his attractive force is no longer in his forehead. I know the field has weakened somewhat because he does not follow me around all the time.

One possible explanation for the seemingly weakened strength of the magnets is that there are younger children around. Perhaps they are deflecting the magnetic field from the older children. I know that more than one small child can be affected at one time, giving the "train" effect. Sometimes they form in a small cluster around the back of the mother. There is a definite increase in hazards associated with this clustering or train-car phenomenon.

Anyone experiencing this should be aware that the strength of the Mommy Butt Magnet is severely weakened when you are ion a public place. It seems that the magnet in the child's forehead is shorted by the proximity to toys, candy, other children, animals, buttons, balloons, and generally anything shiny, noisy or interesting. Mothers can not rely on the Butt Magnets to keep their children close in a public environment.

There seems to be no cure, no tests to detect it, and therefore no way of removing it. Those experiencing symptoms of this phenomenon should do their best to minimize accidents and take precautions to insure the safety of those involved.

Good Luck!

1 comment:

Amy said...

Hilarious post! Also I can testify that there is also a puppy-ankle magnet. I have stepped on the puppies on numerous occasions, especially in the kitchen where they never, ever leave my ankles!!