More Random Thoughts: Easier Said Than Done

I am a little surprised by the response to yesterday's post. I feel I struck a chord. As I read responses both here and on facebook I realized that the church really is the same everywhere...dang it!

The same problems seem to exist in every ward and branch, at least from time to time. There are members who are working themselves to the bone trying to pull others to the Celestial Kingdom kicking and screaming. There are members who complain no matter what you do. There are members who are only there for the refreshments. There are members who are quietly working away, making the world a little brighter as they go.

One day I saw a woman walking along the sidewalk. She stopped and picked something up. As I watched she moved around picking at random spots along the side. I realized she was pulling weeds. After a moment she straightened up, surveyed the area and walked away.

It was a strange sight. She didn't do this at every point. Surely there were weeds all along the path. Why did she clean up that spot?

I have no answer except that it needed to be done and she did it.

That is the way it is with our callings. Sometimes we just do what needs to be done without fanfare and recognition. Whether we fulfilled our calling or not is only between us and the Lord. We are serving him by serving his children.

I often take my callings very personally. I grew up in a small ward that was fairly close. Members often attended meetings and activities because their friend or relative was involved somehow. There was a deep sense of love and support. (That's how I saw it anyway!) As an adult I feel personally slighted when people I count as friends don't attend an activity I planned.

I have especially struggled with my current calling of ward choir director. For a few months I only had one person show up for choir practice. A different person each time but only one! Sometimes there were 2. It was a big deal when we had 4 people consistently. (It was basically the individuals that had been showing up one at a time but now they were all managing to come on the same day!!!!)

It was hard. I mean HARD!!! I felt so rejected. I mean, I know there are some people who just can't sing. I know there are some who have callings that interfere with choir practice. I also know there are people who are very gifted but just don't come. That is what really got to me. I felt like those people who could sing and didn't were sending me a message; WE DON'T LIKE YOU!!!!

I felt so discouraged. I tried to focus on those sweet but few devotees who were so encouraging and so supportive. That might have been enough except a few people came for one practice or a few practices and then stopped. That really felt like rejection!

One day I was folding laundry and feeling really sorry for myself. I was trying so hard to throw one of those pity parties I mentioned a few weeks ago. As I choked back tears thinking how unloved I was in this stupid ward a powerful thought came to my mind. "They have not rejected you, they have rejected me."

What? That's silly. This is just choir. It's not like it's important. It's not like people are becoming apostate or something.

The words came again, this time stronger and accompanied by a peaceful reassurance. "They have not rejected you, they have rejected me."

Okay then. It's not personal. Shake it off and move on. "Forget yourself and go to work." Got it.

Things didn't turn around over night but my attitude changed. I realized that it didn't matter if we had 4 people or 40. What mattered was that we tried. For Christmas we had 15 people sing in the choir and they did a beautiful job!

The point of this is that things don't always go the way we plan. Sometimes we take things too personally. Sometimes we want something the Lord doesn't intend. Sometimes we need to rely more on the Lord and less on Sugardoodle. :)

To those of you who are frustrated by your callings, just do your best. Don't focus on the ones who don't come, focus on the ones who do. Why are they there? Do they have something to give? Do they have a need? Did you serve them as the Lord intended?

I'm not saying forget the others just cut them some slack. And don't be hurt or offended. It likely has nothing to do with you. We all grow at different rates and in different ways. I have learned through expereince that we need to judge less and love more. I am sure that applies to every person in your life.

Charity suffereth long, and is kind;

Charity envieth not;

Charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

Doth not behave itself unseemly,

Seeketh not her own,

Is not easily provoked,

Thinketh no evil;

Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

Beareth all things,

Believeth all things,

Hopeth all things,

Endureth all things.

Wherefore... if ye have not charity, ye are nothing,

For charity never faileth.

Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all,

for all things must fail—

But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever;

And whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

(1Cor. 13:4-8 , Mor. 7:45-47)



Random Thoughts About Young Women And Relief Society

I grew up as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I love the church and it's programs. I love the teachings and blessings that obedience brings to my life. I have a testimony.

Don't forget any of that!

This post has some of my thoughts about what's wrong with Young Women and Relief Society. There. I said it. DON'T HATE ME!!!!

As I said, I have a testimony and I believe the programs of the church are inspired. But I have always seen a kind of flaw in the church programs for female members. I realize there are people out there who cry foul at everything that even suggests gender discrimination. I am not one of those people. I have been the beneficiary of many blessings because of Young Women and Relief Society. But I do see room for improvement. Here are my thoughts.

I grew up with 5 brothers. I was always jealous, or at least discouraged, by the constant recognition my brothers received in cub and boy scouts while I got nothing. I mean we both got experience. We both made crafts and sang songs and played games. But the boys had monthly pack meetings with pins and badges. They had day camps and camp outs.

Of course I went to Girl's Camp each year. I earned my Young Womanhood Recognition. I gained a testimony through participating in youth activities. I really did have a wonderful time.

During my teenage years my mom was called as Relief Society President. She taught me to love Relief Society. But as I watched my brothers go Home Teaching I wondered why I wasn't being given the same training as a Visiting Teacher. I still wonder this.

Pencils

I have noticed that there are a lot of materials available for Young Women now. They still have medallions and Personal Progress. They have a Theme and symbols and mottos. They have constant reminders of the choices they should make and the values they should embrace. Here are a few of the 243 examples that came up in a simple search at Deseretbook.com


YW Values Magnet



Bookmark

Values Prints



Lip Balm?



Note cards



Necklace



Ring



Charm Bracelet



Journal


Then they turn 18 and...nothing.  (76 hits at Deseret Book, most of them novels or manuals!) Oh, sure, Relief Society has a Declaration but I don't know it. We have a seal

 but we don't talk about it.

Our motto "Charity Never Faileth" is the only thing we really carry around with us. We sing "As Sisters In Zion" ad nauseum because it reminds us of our purpose and we have nothing else to sing.

We don't have necklaces or journals. No bracelets or lip balm to remind us of who we are. After some creative searching I found a couple of rings at CTR Ring Shop. We don't have Relief Society Camp and our activities and conferences can be kind of...stuffy. Don't get me wrong, Relief Society is a haven and an inspiration for me. I have personally grown more than I ever imagined because of Relief Society. But for a young, single woman, fresh out of the "fun and hip" Young Women's program Relief Society is seriously a drag!

It takes a lot of maturity and patience to find your place at the grown-up table. It might come as a crash-course as you are suddenly Visiting Teacher to a mother with screaming kids or a an elderly sister who needs help. That young woman is likely ill-equipped to handle the sudden demand to serve. So she might shirk her duties and go off looking to be filled as she was in Young Women instead of filling up those in real need. If she is determined she will press through the awkward years and sooner or later arrive at the point of belonging among the other women. If she isn't so determined she will very likely walk away and might not return.

This is a serious problem. But what can be done?

I, for one, wish Relief Society were more like Young Women sometimes. I mean, why don't we have pretty jewelry? Why don't we have songbooks and posters? Why don't we embrace our own program as we did when we were young? I have heard many of my peers expressing longing to return to Young Women. They want to be leaders so they can live vicariously through those they lead. 

This always makes me sad. I realize that I am not the only one who feels bored to death in Relief Society from time to time. I realize that I am not the only one who feels something is missing. I also realize that Relief Society is what you make it. Each sister is responsible for making Relief Society great, not only for ourselves but for others.

I have been reading "Daughters In My Kingdom". Reading about the first Relief Society sisters has really inspired me. I see that they knew their purpose and were eager to serve. They were excited! I haven't felt that way in a long time. Why?

I have a theory. I think Young Women is often a passive program. It might not be designed that way but it seems that leaders work hard to inspire and entertain and forget to give the youth practical experience. After a few years they are now the adults. They go to adult classes and expect to be inspired and entertained as they were in Young Women. They (WE) don't always realize that it is time to do, to show what we learned.

Here is an example that I am sure applies to every ward on earth! Several years ago I was serving as what was then the Homemaking counselor in Relief Society. I planned and executed activities. Looking back I know I could have done things differently (like delegating!) but I worked hard and I learned a ton! I often asked sisters why they didn't come to activities. I then tried to plan activities I thought they would enjoy. For example, an activity that had nothing to do with kids or husbands since some sisters had neither. But they didn't come. There were always excuses but I couldn't seem to make the activities any more appealing, no matter what I did.

These were not inactive sisters. These were not those with weak testimonies. So why didn't they come? Some excuses were "I don't need it, I have friends and a strong testimony." Sometimes it was "I have lots of other interests and I don't need relief Society to entertain me and educate me." Each time I thought "Well, that's great but what about the sisters who need you?" It has been a huge disappointment to learn that many people, even in the church, can not seem to think outside themselves. They see only what they need or want and never consider how they might bless others.

Could it be that we adult sisters don't make Relief Society better because we haven't yet caught the vision? Are we hesitant to include new sisters because we don't want to be there either? Don't we know who we are? Don't we understand the Lord's plan for his daughters? Do we know the great plans he has for us in blessing lives and building his kingdom? Don't we know how amazing we really are?

Now, I have been accused of being arrogant for this kind of attitude. Who do I think I am?

I am a beloved spirit daughter of God.

My life has meaning, purpose and direction.

I am part of a worldwide sisterhood, united in my devotion to Jesus Christ, my Savior and Exemplar.

I am a woman of faith, vision, virtue and charity.

I increase my testimony of Jesus Christ through prayer and scripture study.

I seek spiritual strength by following the promptings of the Holy Ghost.

I dedicate myself to strengthening marriages, families, and homes.

I find nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood.
I delight in service and good works.
I love life and learning.
I stand for truth and righteousness.
I sustain the priesthood as the authority of God on earth.
I rejoice in the blessings of the temple, understand my divine destiny, and strive for exaltation. 


I means more when you say "I" doesn't it? It is easy to make excuses but the truth is we are all aprt of the paln. It isn't just the Releif Society Presidnecy who needs to reach out to other sisters. We are "united in our devotion to Jesus Christ." In serving one another we serve him. Never, NEVER forget that!



Sister Julie B. Beck has some wonderful insights into this subject in this training video for new Relief Society sisters.

Sisters in Zion

Relief Society has been a significant part of my adult life. I have served in leadership callings and taught classes on Sunday. I have helped plan activities and attended a variety of events designed to fulfill the mission of this great organization. I can not express in words the depth of my love for this organization and the woman who participate in it.

This month, we commemorate the 168th anniversary of the creation of this wonderful society. It is a program I am so honored to be a part of. I could not possibly tell you all the reason. But I would like to share one experience that embodies what Relief Society means to me.

During the years we lived in Germany I attended  several stake meetings for sisters, including auxiliary training and a yearly sisters conference. I had come to love and appreciate the love and devotion expressed by the Stake leaders who planned and executed these meetings. I looked forward to each one as a chance to "fill my lamp with oil". Never was I disappointed by the spirit I felt there.

One cold winter day, I drove myself to the annual sisters conference. I knew this would be the last one I would attend in that stake. We would be moving to Belgium in a few short weeks. I had a late start and arrived just before the meeting started. The other women from my ward were sitting near the front and there didn't seem to be any seats with them. As I looked around for an empty seat, a German sister I didn't know motioned for me to sit by her. I quickly sat down before the opening prayer.

I debated whether or not to move after the prayer but decided to stay. The room seemed full and I didn't want to be rude to the women around me. As the meeting progressed, I found these unknown sisters to be extremely welcoming to me. They passed me an English hymnal, even though I was fine singing in German. At one point they passed along a little container of candy, each taking one and passing it down. At first I just passed it on but the woman next to me motioned for me to take one and gave me an encouraging smile. I realized that they all knew each other and that I was sitting right in the middle of them.

Near the end of the meeting was a special musical number. Each ward had been sent the sheet music ahead of time and asked to learn the song so that we could sing it together. It was part of an arrangement of the hymn "As Sisters in Zion" known as the EFY Medley. We sang the verse in German and the next part in English. As I stood there, surrounded by women I didn't know, singing those beautiful and powerful words, I was overcome by the Spirit. I knew that even though we did not know each other or speak the same language we were indeed Sisters in Zion and Daughters of God. Those wonderful strangers had already proven this to me by their simple acts of acceptance and love.

Not every moment in the church is that powerful. Sometimes the differences between us can distract us from those pure and simple truths of who we are and what our purpose is. That doesn't make them less true. In those moments, I know that Zion is real.

I am so grateful to my loving Heavenly Father who has given me such precious moments of clarity and perspective. During the times when life clouds my vision, I only need to think of moments like this to know who I am and where I want to be.

Super Sisters

This past Saturday (September 26, 2009) was the General Relief Society Broadcast of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Women from around the world gathered to hear the words of our leaders and feel the spirit of sisterhood we share as members of this great organization. This happens every fall (for those who don't know). I especially looked forward to this year's conference, probably because it is something familiar after months of change. I thought about why this meeting is so special to me. Here are a few reasons I would like to share with you.

I am the oldest of six children and the only girl. Growing up with 5 younger brothers was challenging. My brothers were good to me, for the most part. But I have always felt a certain sense of loneliness. There are some things boys just don't get. My parents tried their best to make up for this but most of the time we had a majority rule so we tended to do lots of gender neutral activities...like camping and tree climbing.

One thing my parents did to make me feel special had to do with the Relief Society Broadcast. At that time, it was called the General Women's Broadcast and was for female members of our church over the age of 10. The year I turned 10, my parents made this meeting special by making a "fancy" dinner for my mother and me to share. We went together, as the only "women" in the house. I don't remember much except that Sister Elaine Jack was the General Relief Society President. Over the next several years I had many opportunities to hear her speak and even meet her a few times. I belief that her love for the women of the church is one of the reasons I love Relief Society so much.

Another strong memory I have of this meeting is from college. I attended BYU and was able to attend the General Relief Society Broadcast a few times in the Tabernacle at Temple Square. That was always a wonderful experience. The Tabernacle is specially designed to have exceptional acoustic qualities. Sitting in that beautiful building, surrounded by hundreds of valiant daughters of God, hearing the words of the Lord, and singing hymns of praise to Him...few moments in life can compare! There is a spiritual bond that comes in those moments that stretches over time and distance, testifying to every heart that we are all truly sisters.

In recent years, I have found that even when you are not physically present, that spirit of sisterhood and unity can be felt. For several years I lived in Europe and was not able to watch the conference live. Even watching it days later, by myself on a little computer screen, I could feel that bond with my sisters all over the world. Being so far from familiar people and places sometimes left me feeling isolated. This conference was a way of dissolving the distance. I KNEW that nearly every LDS woman I have ever met would be watching, listening, and feeling the Spirit. I was acutely aware that there were women all over the world being fed by the same spiritual feast. I was now more aware of their sacrifices and struggles to be a part of this great sisterhood and that made me love them even more.

This year, I thought I would get to attend the meeting with the local sisters for the first time in years. But things didn't really work out. I decided to watch it on the Internet again, feeling unexpectedly excited to see it live. There was very little said that was profound or new. To me, it was more of a reminder of who we are as sisters in the Relief Society. The simple truths penetrated my heart and filled me with excitement.

The next day at church was Fast and Testimony meeting. Several of the sisters shared their testimonies about the Broadcast and the spirit they felt. The feelings that were expressed mirrored my own. I was touched that even though I was not able to sit next to them I still shared in the experience.

All of these experiences have given me one very important gift; the knowledge that I am not alone. I may not have a biological sister but I have millions of sisters all over the world. I know that where ever I go in the world, I can find loving Relief Society sisters who share my beliefs, my feelings about the gospel, and my love for the Lord.