For the past year or so I have been spending a lot of time on family history. And I mean a LOT! Have you ever read those "Family History Moments" in the Church News? You know, the ones where someone has been searching for years with no luck and suddenly they meet a random stranger who happens to have thousands of names ready for the temple or something equally miraculous? That has been my year.
Well, sort of.
I have, in fact, been overwhelmed with information about families that seemed to have appeared one day with no past history. I have met distant relatives who had a wealth of information for me. I have seen photographs of people who lived and died long before I was ever born. It has been humbling and deeply gratifying.
But many unexpected blessings have come about because of this. I used to think I understood the Spirit of Elijah. I now know that I was clueless.
I have learned about my ancestors lives. I have looked at more than names and dates and places. I have been able to see the bigger picture. I can imagine what they felt when they immigrated to America. I can better understand the efforts they made to survive in the rural frontiers. I can better understand the heartache of loss when their children died from war and disease. I can marvel at their longevity in a time when the average life expectancy was quite short. I have laughed at the strange names they gave their children. I have raised an eyebrow at their scandals. No matter what I learn I feel deeper love and respect. I also feel hope.
There have been many challenges in our family in recent years. When you are in the middle of those problems, whether they come one after another or all at once or are on-going, they can seem overwhelming. I sometimes feel frustrated that life is not easier, that the perfect life I imagine is just a mirage. At times I have been deeply discouraged. Learning about my ancestors has given me better perspective.
I realize that they, too, had dreams and fears, trials and triumphs. I find myself feeling very blessed to have so many luxuries. I am ashamed of my slothfulness when I see what they were able to accomplish. I see the ripple of their choices, both good and bad, through their children and grandchildren.
Most of all, I want to be worthy to stand with them someday. I want to add to the legacy they have left behind in a way that would make them proud. I want to be a person who will one day engender such feelings in future generations.
I never knew such blessings were possible.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Friday, September 19, 2014
Life Is A Battlefield
Life is a battlefield. (Doesn't that sound like a Pat Benatar song?) Seriously, though, I sometimes feel like I have spent my day fighting an unseen enemy, dropping into bed exhausted, only to wake up and do it all over again the next morning. Too dramatic? I think not.
During my first year of early-morning seminary, we studied the Book of Mormon. Our teacher got really excited about the so-called war chapters. He kept telling us that we were preparing for our own battles. He even went so far as to print T-shirts that said "Statesville Pre-Battle School" for us to wear as a seminary class. It felt a little much at the time but not exactly wrong either.
More than 20 years later, I see it. I see the war between good and evil raging around me. We have been warned for centuries that this day would come. Were we prepared?
It seems that some of these evils are so subtle, so unassuming, that they sneak up on us. We turn around and there they are, ready to strike.
I was feeling burdened by these thoughts last fall. I was feeling anxious about sending my children out into that battlefield. I wanted to keep them home, safe and hidden from the horrors of "war". Yet I struggled. How could they be a force for good if they were locked away in our fortress? How could we possibly defeat the enemy if we didn't go out to meet it?
This is where my mind was during Stake Conference in September 2013. The closing speaker was President Micheal Hamilton. He started talking about the rescue at Dunkirk. Suddenly, my mind was not on his talk but my own concerns for my children. My thoughts were filled with images and ideas as though they were being poured into me. Here is what I wrote in my notes:
I kept remembering the Stripling Warriors. They were young men who chose to help defend their homes and freedoms. After one difficult battle, we learn
All were wounded but none were lost. I felt some-what reassured but I was still struggling with my fears and shortcomings. How could I ensure that my children would be able to survive this war? Another scripture came to mind.
That was it. The solution to my problem was already in place. I felt peace. Still a little afraid but no longer overwhelmed.
I have thought of this experience often in the past year. This month, the Ensign included an article about protecting our children against pornography. The first few paragraphs were so close to my experience that I had chills!
This past weekend we had Stake Conference again. In his closing remarks, President Hamilton said "Filth splashes on all of us. He doesn't care how pretty it is as long as we get back to him."
I used to think that if we were keeping the commandments, trying our best to do what is right, we would be safe from the spiritual dangers of this world. Now I know better. There may have been a time when it was easier to avoid the splash of filth. Not now, not today as we are preparing for the second coming of Christ.
But that is no reason to loose hope. Our Heavenly Father knew these days would come. He knew what trials we would face. He prepared a way for us to overcome them. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ we can all be cleaned and cured from every injury. Because of Him, there is no need to fear.
During my first year of early-morning seminary, we studied the Book of Mormon. Our teacher got really excited about the so-called war chapters. He kept telling us that we were preparing for our own battles. He even went so far as to print T-shirts that said "Statesville Pre-Battle School" for us to wear as a seminary class. It felt a little much at the time but not exactly wrong either.
More than 20 years later, I see it. I see the war between good and evil raging around me. We have been warned for centuries that this day would come. Were we prepared?
It seems that some of these evils are so subtle, so unassuming, that they sneak up on us. We turn around and there they are, ready to strike.
I was feeling burdened by these thoughts last fall. I was feeling anxious about sending my children out into that battlefield. I wanted to keep them home, safe and hidden from the horrors of "war". Yet I struggled. How could they be a force for good if they were locked away in our fortress? How could we possibly defeat the enemy if we didn't go out to meet it?
This is where my mind was during Stake Conference in September 2013. The closing speaker was President Micheal Hamilton. He started talking about the rescue at Dunkirk. Suddenly, my mind was not on his talk but my own concerns for my children. My thoughts were filled with images and ideas as though they were being poured into me. Here is what I wrote in my notes:
We get injured and dirty in the fight against evil but we are on the winning side. We will heal, we will be clean again but we must fight. We can't hide in our pristine caves in the hopes of remaining unharmed and undamaged.
I kept remembering the Stripling Warriors. They were young men who chose to help defend their homes and freedoms. After one difficult battle, we learn
...there were two hundred, out of my two thousand and sixty, who had fainted because of the loss of blood; nevertheless, according to the goodness of God, and to our great astonishment, and also the joy of our whole army, there was not one soul of them who did perish; yea, and neither was there one soul among them who had not received many wounds. Alma 57:25 (emphasis added)
All were wounded but none were lost. I felt some-what reassured but I was still struggling with my fears and shortcomings. How could I ensure that my children would be able to survive this war? Another scripture came to mind.
...we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins. 2 Nephi 25:26 (emphasis added)
That was it. The solution to my problem was already in place. I felt peace. Still a little afraid but no longer overwhelmed.
I have thought of this experience often in the past year. This month, the Ensign included an article about protecting our children against pornography. The first few paragraphs were so close to my experience that I had chills!
This past weekend we had Stake Conference again. In his closing remarks, President Hamilton said "Filth splashes on all of us. He doesn't care how pretty it is as long as we get back to him."
I used to think that if we were keeping the commandments, trying our best to do what is right, we would be safe from the spiritual dangers of this world. Now I know better. There may have been a time when it was easier to avoid the splash of filth. Not now, not today as we are preparing for the second coming of Christ.
But that is no reason to loose hope. Our Heavenly Father knew these days would come. He knew what trials we would face. He prepared a way for us to overcome them. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ we can all be cleaned and cured from every injury. Because of Him, there is no need to fear.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Mother's Day For The "Non-Mothers"
Mother's Day can be a painful day for those who don't have children. Before I had children of my own, Mother's Day was a reminder of what was expected of me as a Latter-Day Saint woman. It was a day to think about what I hoped I would be one day. It was a also a day to remind me that I was not a mother. Kind of like Valentine's Day for the single crowd, right?
It might be tempting to shun this holiday, to be bitter and hurt. You might see this day as a slap in the face.
Please don't.
Mother's Day should be a day to celebrate the institution of motherhood. The office of Mother, if you will. You don't need to be a mother or even a woman to do that.
When I was growing up our ward always gave the mothers a potted plant. Usually the Primary kids sang and made cards or something. Some mothers in the ward were recognized. The newest mother. The oldest mother. The mother with the most children. Being a child, I always felt impressed by these women. I thought they were women I should look up to and emulate. In many ways they were.
They were women of faith. They were women who had made sacrifices for those they loved. They had cared for those around them. They had taught others valuable skills and gospel truths.
Those traits had little to do with giving birth.
My family also visited my grandmothers on Mother's Day. This reminded me of how they had influenced my life by raising my parents. Of course, they also influenced me directly by teaching me many important lessons about life.
Since I began working consistently on my family history I have a deeper appreciation for those mothers who came before me. I come from a long line of mothers. All the way back to Eve! (even if I can't prove it!) Do their efforts mean nothing? The more I learn about my ancestors the more reverence I feel towards motherhood. I feel so grateful for those mothers who cared for their children generation after generation all the way down to me.
Most importantly, Mother's Day is a celebration of womanhood. Women do so much for society. Women are often teachers, nurses, and counselors. Women are creative, nurturing, and thoughtful. Women have a powerful influence. Women are compassionate and determined. Women are tender and beautiful.
All women are worth celebrating!
It might be tempting to shun this holiday, to be bitter and hurt. You might see this day as a slap in the face.
Please don't.
Mother's Day should be a day to celebrate the institution of motherhood. The office of Mother, if you will. You don't need to be a mother or even a woman to do that.
When I was growing up our ward always gave the mothers a potted plant. Usually the Primary kids sang and made cards or something. Some mothers in the ward were recognized. The newest mother. The oldest mother. The mother with the most children. Being a child, I always felt impressed by these women. I thought they were women I should look up to and emulate. In many ways they were.
They were women of faith. They were women who had made sacrifices for those they loved. They had cared for those around them. They had taught others valuable skills and gospel truths.
Those traits had little to do with giving birth.
My family also visited my grandmothers on Mother's Day. This reminded me of how they had influenced my life by raising my parents. Of course, they also influenced me directly by teaching me many important lessons about life.
Since I began working consistently on my family history I have a deeper appreciation for those mothers who came before me. I come from a long line of mothers. All the way back to Eve! (even if I can't prove it!) Do their efforts mean nothing? The more I learn about my ancestors the more reverence I feel towards motherhood. I feel so grateful for those mothers who cared for their children generation after generation all the way down to me.
Most importantly, Mother's Day is a celebration of womanhood. Women do so much for society. Women are often teachers, nurses, and counselors. Women are creative, nurturing, and thoughtful. Women have a powerful influence. Women are compassionate and determined. Women are tender and beautiful.
All women are worth celebrating!
Monday, March 4, 2013
Marriage House
Marriage is like a house. It needs maintenance on a regular basis. Sure, you can let some things go for a while but if you completely neglect a house it will crumble and fall apart in a few short years. So will your marriage. I have been noticing a trend among couples in recent years. They seem to spend a lot of time doing fun stuff like theme dates and dressing alike, fantasy vacations and taking classes together. They gush over how amazing their spouse is and give each other lavish or creative gifts.
Seriously?
Are they playing house? Are they little kids pretending to be married? Are they trying to hide their age? What are they hiding?
From the outside, it looks like they are decorating their Marriage House with paint and flowers and throw pillows while the plumbing is bad and the wiring is faulty. Their foundations are crumbling and they seem to think that more frills will make it all better. Or maybe they are trying to cover up the problems, hoping they will eventually go away.
I admit, I can be a bit of a cynic when it comes to romance. Married life is hard. LIFE is hard! Jobs change, kids come, sickness and discouragement sneak in from time to time. The list of difficulties is long and depressing.
Don't get me wrong, there is plenty of good. I can't imagine going through all this alone. (Well, I kind of can, thanks to the Army!) My husband gives me encouragement and support in ways that I never expected. We work hard to keep our family going in the right direction. But sometimes we focus so much on the foundation and structure that we forget to make it pretty.
The ideal home, and marriage, is one that is well maintained and well cared for. It is in good repair AND beautiful. It takes work, a lot of work, to keep up with everything.
Anything that's worth having is worth working for!http://www.scenicreflections.com/download/533130/Flowers_Garden_Cottage_Wallpaper/
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Lessons From The Move; Part 4
How much do we really need?
I have asked myself this question before.
I know people who live on very small pay checks. They struggle from month to month but still manage to provide for their families. They live in cramped little houses or apartments but still find room for everyone and everything they need.
I been inside some of the homes my fore bearers lived in. They raised large families in those small spaces.
Sometimes I am envious of those simpler days. My parents had few toys when they were children. They both have many stories of their antics and adventures growing up. They seemed to have quite a bit of fun without rooms full of toys. They still cherish the few toys they did receive.
My kids have so many toys they don't know what to do with them all.
During the few months we were moving, we could fit everything we had with us in the back of a pick-up truck. We had just a few outfits each. I went to the laundromat every 3 days at the most. We had backpacks filled with toys, coloring books, crayons, school supplies, and books. We had a footlocker with plates, bowls, utensils, and just enough pots and pans to make basic meals. We had pillows, blankets, and sleeping bags. I had a small bag filled with medications and band aids. My husband brought his laptop. All the things we needed for our basic needs plus some extras.
Of course, there were things we had to do without.
Privacy, for example.
And comfy beds. Even when we were staying with my parents we were sharing two bed rooms. The kids managed to pop the seams on 2 air mattresses so they ended up sleeping on the floor for a few weeks. While we were in a hotel they had to take turns sleeping on the floor or the sofa bed.
When the movers finally delivered all of our stuff we were overwhelmed.
There was plenty that we really did need. Like winter clothes. A printer. Some documents that we didn't hand-carry. Our piano.
I didn't realize we had so many socks!
Do we really need that many shoes?
I am still trying to make all the books and toys fit.
I have already gotten rid of a large box and a garbage bag full of clothes.
This experience has made me look long and hard at our choices. The things of the world can be so enticing. I have never considered myself a "worldly" or "materialistic" person. I think most people today would agree with that. (We only have one TV and no smartphones!)That doesn't excuse that fact that we sometimes buy things we could do without.
There were times this summer when things got tight financially. In those moments, I regretted all those little things I bought that we didn't really need. A DVD here, a little fast food there. All those little splurges add up. In our time of true need we could have really used that cash. Those moments of pleasure and fun were gone and meaningless.
We all have to reach our own conclusions about what is a need and what is a want. We certainly should be able to enjoy life from time to time. You can't put a price on memories, right?
We should also be conservative.
I learned that my kids really don't need more clothes or toys. I don't need more craft supplies (that I rarely make the time to use!).
Right now our needs are simple. We need friendship. We need security. We need rest from our trial. We need time to settle into our new home.
Oh, yeah. And we need curtains.
Other than that, we're good.
I have asked myself this question before.
I know people who live on very small pay checks. They struggle from month to month but still manage to provide for their families. They live in cramped little houses or apartments but still find room for everyone and everything they need.
I been inside some of the homes my fore bearers lived in. They raised large families in those small spaces.
Sometimes I am envious of those simpler days. My parents had few toys when they were children. They both have many stories of their antics and adventures growing up. They seemed to have quite a bit of fun without rooms full of toys. They still cherish the few toys they did receive.
My kids have so many toys they don't know what to do with them all.
During the few months we were moving, we could fit everything we had with us in the back of a pick-up truck. We had just a few outfits each. I went to the laundromat every 3 days at the most. We had backpacks filled with toys, coloring books, crayons, school supplies, and books. We had a footlocker with plates, bowls, utensils, and just enough pots and pans to make basic meals. We had pillows, blankets, and sleeping bags. I had a small bag filled with medications and band aids. My husband brought his laptop. All the things we needed for our basic needs plus some extras.
Of course, there were things we had to do without.
Privacy, for example.
And comfy beds. Even when we were staying with my parents we were sharing two bed rooms. The kids managed to pop the seams on 2 air mattresses so they ended up sleeping on the floor for a few weeks. While we were in a hotel they had to take turns sleeping on the floor or the sofa bed.
When the movers finally delivered all of our stuff we were overwhelmed.
There was plenty that we really did need. Like winter clothes. A printer. Some documents that we didn't hand-carry. Our piano.
I didn't realize we had so many socks!
Do we really need that many shoes?
I am still trying to make all the books and toys fit.
I have already gotten rid of a large box and a garbage bag full of clothes.
This experience has made me look long and hard at our choices. The things of the world can be so enticing. I have never considered myself a "worldly" or "materialistic" person. I think most people today would agree with that. (We only have one TV and no smartphones!)That doesn't excuse that fact that we sometimes buy things we could do without.
There were times this summer when things got tight financially. In those moments, I regretted all those little things I bought that we didn't really need. A DVD here, a little fast food there. All those little splurges add up. In our time of true need we could have really used that cash. Those moments of pleasure and fun were gone and meaningless.
We all have to reach our own conclusions about what is a need and what is a want. We certainly should be able to enjoy life from time to time. You can't put a price on memories, right?
We should also be conservative.
I learned that my kids really don't need more clothes or toys. I don't need more craft supplies (that I rarely make the time to use!).
Right now our needs are simple. We need friendship. We need security. We need rest from our trial. We need time to settle into our new home.
Oh, yeah. And we need curtains.
Other than that, we're good.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Lessons From The Move, Part 3.1
I recently read a post called Mom Stays In The Picture by Allison Tate. It points out how often moms avoid pictures for, oh, so many reasons and explains how important it is that we mothers document our own efforts.
It really hit home for me. We have VERY few pictures of me. The kids have asked what I looked like when I was pregnant with them and I have nothing to show. We have a few hideous pictures from hospitals and other post-natal pics. My older kids used to try taking pictures of me and they are...very good for a 4 or 5-year-old.
My husband is not big on pictures but has tried from time to time. He invariably tries for candid...which means I have my mouth opened or my eyes closed or am in some other compromised position.
*Sigh.*
But this article really rang true for me. I had just embarked on a very touching journey into my photographic family history. You know what? I didn't look at a single picture and think "Look at her disgusting fatness!" Or "Oh my gosh, how many wrinkles does she have!"
Each one was a glimpse into the lives of real people who directly impacted my life by someting as unexciting as raising a child. I was fascinated to see what they looked like, to see the houses in the back ground, the clothes they were wearing.
I felt so much gratitude for those women ( and the men, too!) who had made thousands of tiny choices to work, live, love, teach, guide, care for and otherwise be involved in the lives of their children day after day, year after year.
It really hit home for me. We have VERY few pictures of me. The kids have asked what I looked like when I was pregnant with them and I have nothing to show. We have a few hideous pictures from hospitals and other post-natal pics. My older kids used to try taking pictures of me and they are...very good for a 4 or 5-year-old.
My husband is not big on pictures but has tried from time to time. He invariably tries for candid...which means I have my mouth opened or my eyes closed or am in some other compromised position.
*Sigh.*
But this article really rang true for me. I had just embarked on a very touching journey into my photographic family history. You know what? I didn't look at a single picture and think "Look at her disgusting fatness!" Or "Oh my gosh, how many wrinkles does she have!"
Each one was a glimpse into the lives of real people who directly impacted my life by someting as unexciting as raising a child. I was fascinated to see what they looked like, to see the houses in the back ground, the clothes they were wearing.
I felt so much gratitude for those women ( and the men, too!) who had made thousands of tiny choices to work, live, love, teach, guide, care for and otherwise be involved in the lives of their children day after day, year after year.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Lessons From The Move; Part 3
Apparently I was looking kind of bored or lazy this summer. One day my mom suggested I help her scan some old family photos. We took her scanner over to my Grandma's house (on my dad's side) and set it up on her dining room table. Grandma pulled out a big Rubbermaid container fill of pictures. They were in no real order. There were envelopes with pictures from 40 years ago and 4 years ago all mixed together.
As Mom and Grandma looked through pictures, I made the scans and wrote down names and any other information. It was really cool to see pictures of my dad and grandparents when they were young. For the most part, it was what I expected. I mean, I recognized the names and/ faces. I had seen some of the photos before; we just wanted to make sure they were preserved.
Then we came to some pictures of an elderly woman with a broad grin.
"Who's this?" I asked
"Oh, that's Granny Baxley." Grandma said, as if I should know. When I just looked at her she added, "Mr. Wilson's mother."
"Baxley? I thought his parents were Stephen Wilson and Mary Turbyfill."
"Yes. That's her. Everybody called her Elsie. She remarried after her husband died."
I stared at the photo, my heart pounding, my mind in shock. This was the woman I had been searching for and wondering about for years.
There is a program associated with FamilySearch that takes your family tree and puts it on a fan chart. Mine looks like a wagon wheel with some spokes missing. Some lines fill the spaces for the 9 generations on the chart. Some just stop after a few generations. This was one of them.
I have had an account on Ancestry.com for 12 years. I have taken spells of being almost obsessed with filling out my tree, then put it away in frustration for long stretches.
As Mom and Grandma looked through pictures, I made the scans and wrote down names and any other information. It was really cool to see pictures of my dad and grandparents when they were young. For the most part, it was what I expected. I mean, I recognized the names and/ faces. I had seen some of the photos before; we just wanted to make sure they were preserved.
Then we came to some pictures of an elderly woman with a broad grin.
"Who's this?" I asked
"Oh, that's Granny Baxley." Grandma said, as if I should know. When I just looked at her she added, "Mr. Wilson's mother."
"Baxley? I thought his parents were Stephen Wilson and Mary Turbyfill."
"Yes. That's her. Everybody called her Elsie. She remarried after her husband died."
I stared at the photo, my heart pounding, my mind in shock. This was the woman I had been searching for and wondering about for years.
There is a program associated with FamilySearch that takes your family tree and puts it on a fan chart. Mine looks like a wagon wheel with some spokes missing. Some lines fill the spaces for the 9 generations on the chart. Some just stop after a few generations. This was one of them.
I have had an account on Ancestry.com for 12 years. I have taken spells of being almost obsessed with filling out my tree, then put it away in frustration for long stretches.
The one name that I have always gone back to was Mary Elsie Josephine Turbyfill. Who was she? Who were her parents? What was her life like? I have asked all these questions. At times I felt desperate to know her. I felt anguish that she seemed lost to time and forgotten.
 |
| Elsie, about 1930 |
Now here she was, smiling up at me.
There were actually several pictures of her and her family. I was amazed beyond words.
I went back to my parents house and renewed my subscription to Ancestry.com. I uploaded some of the pictures, especially Elsie. I needed to bring her out of the shadows. I couldn't let her stay forgotten.
 |
| Elsie and Jeanie, about 1950 |
One of the pictures I added was of her with her sister "Jeanie". It is such a sweet depiction of two sisters who obviously cared about one another.
Almost immediately I received an email from a woman who is descended from Jeanie. She has worked tirelessly for years on the Turbyfill line. She had made connections with other relatives from across the country.
It is a HUGE family!
This cousin of mine not only offered to share all of her information with me but lived just a short distance away. We got together and swapped information. After talking with her about her side of the family I realized I had seen another picture of her great grandmother AND her husband. I shared this picture with her. She said it was the only picture she had ever seen of him.
 |
| Jeanie with her husband and 2 of her sons, about 1930 |
Finding so much information on this line of my family has been truly humbling. I can only describe it as a miracle.
I never could have imagined that some as simple as scanning some old pictures and putting them on the Internet could reap such rewards!
There were many photos of people none of us had ever heard of. I wonder if anyone out there is looking for them as well?
 |
| Elsie and Jeanie, about 1950 |
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Our Never-Ending Stories
I love stories.
I like science fiction with aliens and space travel and genetic mutations.
I like fantasy with its faeries and dragons and magical worlds.
I like mysteries and comedies and dramas.
I like silly kids stories with talking animals or cars or flowers.
What I love most are personal stories. I think that is why I enjoy blogs so much. I want to hear the real, true stories of real people. I love them all. I love stories about their kids and their struggles and their triumphs. I love the spiritual moments and the silly ones.
I also like history. I don't care much about the dates. I like the stories of groups of people. The stories of places from long ago.
I think that is why I enjoyed Europe so much. I felt like I was living in the middle of history. Everywhere I went I saw evidence of the stories I had learned in school or read about in books. Since we lived in Germany and Belgium I became quite familiar with WWII. The reality of that war, the devastation and heartache, became so much more meaningful. I could imagine what the people must have felt as the battles were waged all around them.
I also wondered about my grandfather. He was an American soldier in WWII. I know almost nothing about his time in service; a few dates, countries, his little unit in a huge army. But I don't know his story. He passed away before I cared enough to ask.
We might say something like "I guess we'll never know" or "That knowledge died with him". Those kinds of phrases are so common I even find myself saying them. But they simply are not true.
I will get to hear those stories someday. And my grandpa's war stories aren't the only ones! I will get to ask my great grandma about having twins in the 1920's. I can ask Granny Ball (my 3rd great grandma) about her conversion to the LDS church. I can ask my German ancestors about their immigration to America in the 1600's. I can hear about the lives of all those who have gone on before me.
And that's not all! I can hear about their experiences in the Spirit World! Since the veil of forgetfulness will be lifted we can even swap stories about our pre-mortal lives!
Are you as eager as I am!!!! The thought of these story-telling reunions is more exciting than any film debut or season finale that Hollywood can conceive!
This is why the great Plan of Happiness is so thrilling to me. This is why the Atonement is such a precious gift. Without it, our stories would end, lost forever in the grasp of death and hell and darkness. Because of Jesus Christ, we can go on. Our stories will continue. Forever and ever!
I like science fiction with aliens and space travel and genetic mutations.
I like fantasy with its faeries and dragons and magical worlds.
I like mysteries and comedies and dramas.
I like silly kids stories with talking animals or cars or flowers.
What I love most are personal stories. I think that is why I enjoy blogs so much. I want to hear the real, true stories of real people. I love them all. I love stories about their kids and their struggles and their triumphs. I love the spiritual moments and the silly ones.
I also like history. I don't care much about the dates. I like the stories of groups of people. The stories of places from long ago.
I think that is why I enjoyed Europe so much. I felt like I was living in the middle of history. Everywhere I went I saw evidence of the stories I had learned in school or read about in books. Since we lived in Germany and Belgium I became quite familiar with WWII. The reality of that war, the devastation and heartache, became so much more meaningful. I could imagine what the people must have felt as the battles were waged all around them.
I also wondered about my grandfather. He was an American soldier in WWII. I know almost nothing about his time in service; a few dates, countries, his little unit in a huge army. But I don't know his story. He passed away before I cared enough to ask.
We might say something like "I guess we'll never know" or "That knowledge died with him". Those kinds of phrases are so common I even find myself saying them. But they simply are not true.
I will get to hear those stories someday. And my grandpa's war stories aren't the only ones! I will get to ask my great grandma about having twins in the 1920's. I can ask Granny Ball (my 3rd great grandma) about her conversion to the LDS church. I can ask my German ancestors about their immigration to America in the 1600's. I can hear about the lives of all those who have gone on before me.
And that's not all! I can hear about their experiences in the Spirit World! Since the veil of forgetfulness will be lifted we can even swap stories about our pre-mortal lives!
Are you as eager as I am!!!! The thought of these story-telling reunions is more exciting than any film debut or season finale that Hollywood can conceive!
This is why the great Plan of Happiness is so thrilling to me. This is why the Atonement is such a precious gift. Without it, our stories would end, lost forever in the grasp of death and hell and darkness. Because of Jesus Christ, we can go on. Our stories will continue. Forever and ever!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Ignorance Is NOT Bliss...Or Is It?
Deployments are hard. They are stressful and put random strains on you that you don't expect. There is also a Murphy's Law that if something can go wrong it will happen during a deployment.
Now, I don't really put much stock in such superstitions. I think stuff will happen no matter what. It is just more upsetting when you are shouldering the burdens alone.
We are now about 2 months into this relatively short deployment. And it is holiday season. The kids and I wanted a break. We discussed it and decided to spend Thanksgiving with my family in North Carolina. My husband was not thrilled about this idea. We discussed it. A lot. Sometimes after we talked I had such a feeling of foreboding that I didn't even want to leave the house! The decision was still unmade the morning we planned to leave. I mean, we had packed and stopped the mail and newspaper and done everything as if we were going but I wasn't going anywhere until I was sure of what to do and I just wasn't.
I had prayed about it a few times and was still coming up blank. I even wondered if I was being like Joseph Smith and the 116 lost pages, asking over and over when the answer was no. But I hadn't really gotten a no either.
So, that morning, I gathered the kids together and discussed the situation. I explained that there was going to be some possible bad weather. I explained that one of them had been sick just the day before and the others might get sick on the trip if it was going around like it does in big families. I told them we could go for Christmas instead. We all wanted to go now. We all wanted to spend Christmas in our own home. So we prayed again.
I remember at some point that morning pleading for assurance that either decision was best. I was so torn and I really needed an answer either way. I silently asked if we would be safe. Suddenly I had the assurance I was seeking. Yes, we would be safe.
That was good enough for me. We loaded up the care and headed out. It rained for the first half of the trip. Normally I hate driving in rain. I hate being a passenger in heavy rain! But this time I was fine. I was cheerful. I drove right through the storm without feeling stressed out at all. We got beyond the storm and headed on to my parents house.
We enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving with cousins and grandparents, aunts and uncles. I got to hold one of the newest members of the family. All the kids played really well the whole time. I talked a lot with my dad and my brother who had flown in from Utah. My grandmother had the great-granddaughters over for a sleepover, just like when I was a kid and spent the night with my cousins there. And on the other side of the family all 20 of the great-grandchildren were together for the first time and were able to take a picture together with their great-grandmother. My oldest son played football with his second cousins and had a great time. We were treated to a mini concert by my cousin's daughter on her tiny cello and her dad let all the little kids try it out (My kids LOVED it!!!) I spent some time with my mom and sister-in-law shopping on Black Friday. And I came home with lots of Christmas presents to go under our tree!
I had planned to drive home on Monday. The extended forecast had shown rain on Monday and Tuesday so I considered leaving Sunday. When my youngest woke up Saturday with an eye infection I considered it again. Honestly, I wasn’t quite ready to go back to real life. There was now a slow-moving winter storm coming right across our path home. If I waited it out we wouldn't leave until Wednesday or Thursday. I decided to go on Monday as planned. I felt uncertain about what to do but I didn't know why. I did think of asking my dad to check out the Suburban for me but I felt kind of silly. We had done a lot of work to it and there was nothing to suggest that anything was wrong. Well, I had to add a gallon of coolant on the way there so I had been keeping an eye on that. I even checked it before I left and bought 2 gallons to keep with me just in case but it was fine.
The first part of the trip was great we had pretty good weather and made good time to Knoxville, TN. That is about half way for us. We stopped for lunch at McDonalds and I let the kids play for about an hour. We filled up the tank and started back on I-40. At which point I couldn't go above 50mph and the RPM's shot up to 5!!! I didn’t know what was wrong so I pulled over and checked for a flat tired or parking brake but everything looked okay. I went on to the next exit and got off. We drove around for a few minutes looking for a place to park so I could use the GPS to find a mechanic. I saw a lube shop and stopped there. The man was VERY nice and said they could take a look and either fix it or tell us where to take it.
First, they found a bad leak in the transmission line. Apparently it had been cut and sliced with rubber hose which was not good enough. They replaced it with a metal pipe and assured me that it would last for a while. But after adding 5 quarts of fluid it still wouldn't shift into third gear. They said the upper gears were bad and I should put it in2nd gear to drive. "Don't go above 45 and you should be fine." They suggested the interstate because it would be the straightest, shortest route and limit more wear on the gears.
We had 225 miles to go. It was raining pretty hard. 45 isn't bad in those conditions. We drove about 2 hours before it was dark and clear... and 70 mph. We were stopped by a state trooper. He wasn't very helpful but said that if I got off at the next exit I could take a highway that ran parallel to the interstate “for a while". We crawled along to the exit and got something to eat. Well, the kids ate. I was too upset to eat. I bought a map (since GPS can be really stupid!) and took that highway to the next town, about 20 miles. The clerk that sold me the map said there was nothing after that. (He turned out to be right!)
We got a hotel in Cookesville. I didn't want to try the unfamiliar roads at night, in bad weather with a flood watch out. I couldn't risk being stuck in the middle of nowhere with 7 kids. I didn't sleep well. But we got a free breakfast and I was able to email my husband. (Did I mention he's deployed?) Until this point I had considered getting it fixed, even if we had to stay a few days. That didn't quite seem like the best idea (think of keeping 7 kids entertained without a car... and did I mention the winter storm? No exactly walking weather!) I did a quick search for "rebuild transmission cost" and saw that the top few results were around 2000-2500.
Okay, never mind. I guess we will keep going. I prayed a lot that morning. I felt like we should stop by the dealership that the GPS had shown. I talked to the guy about cost, time, and how to get home in 2nd gear. He basically confirmed everything I already knew but at least that was reassuring. He and another guy said the highway I had taken to get there would go all the way to Nashville and I should have no trouble getting home if I took it slow. I also asked about a 9 passenger vehicle, just in case. The guy made some suggestions but didn't have one. I decided to keep going. Before I even got out of town my husband called. He made more suggestion, mainly to go slow (about 35) and add some Transmedic to protect what was left of the transmission. I went right back to the place across from the dealer and the guys there put some stuff in it for me.
We drove down this quiet, scenic country road for hours. I tried to stay around 30 mph. I did NOT want to ruin that gear! We made slow and steady progress. We stopped for lunch at another McDonalds and the kids played for a while. I bought more maps and called a few people from our ward to make sure I was looking at the right roads. By then I was sure of what I was doing and where I was going. My only anxiety was whether the transmission would last until we got home.
Well, it did. We got home after driving for about 7 hours at 30 miles per hour. And the kids were ready to kill each other! (Did I mention I didn't bring a DVD player and I don't have a smart phone? We were really low-tech on this trip!)
Here are some things I learned from this:
I learned that the tender mercies of the Lord are indeed a "multitude". We were able to find good people to help us along the way. We were able to feed ourselves. We were able to travel through a very beautiful area and enjoy it because we weren't racing through it. We had some good talks and prayed together and sang Christmas songs and Primary songs. There was no quick fix. We all had to find better ways to do things. We had to put our personal comforts aside to accommodate the needs of others. We had to really look at each other and acknowledge each other. Let me tell you, it was HARD!!! I have felt for a long time that we are too selfish. Now I see that we really do need to work on that.
At one point I decided to tell some stories. The first one I picked was "The Christmas Oranges". I sobbed through the whole thing! I had been feeling really guilty about this car issue. I don't like to make mistakes. And I am not very forgiving of myself. I imagined that I was little girl, crying into my pillow thinking "I don't deserve an orange anyway!!" And yet there are always people who are very willing to make sacrifices to make it better. Especially the Savior.
And that isn't all! When I got home I had an email that told a similar story of overlooking the flaws of others. I had another with a video clip by Elder Russell M. Nelson about fear and faith. AND a friend of ours was planning to come till the garden while we were gone. I came home to trimmed bushed, racked flower beds, cut grass including the trimming, and beautifully tilled garden! It looked so great even the kids noticed!
I'm pretty sure this isn't the end of this lesson. I still feel really uncertain about the immediate future. But I have a sure hope that it will all work out.
On our way home we saw a rainbow across the road. As we drove the rainbow moved with us. Here are the pictures taken by my 10 year old daughter. You can see a double rainbow in some of the pictures. And, yes, it was raining at the time! (Oh, yeah, that is just a big stick smudge in the middle that I can't get off. Oh, well!)
Now, I don't really put much stock in such superstitions. I think stuff will happen no matter what. It is just more upsetting when you are shouldering the burdens alone.
We are now about 2 months into this relatively short deployment. And it is holiday season. The kids and I wanted a break. We discussed it and decided to spend Thanksgiving with my family in North Carolina. My husband was not thrilled about this idea. We discussed it. A lot. Sometimes after we talked I had such a feeling of foreboding that I didn't even want to leave the house! The decision was still unmade the morning we planned to leave. I mean, we had packed and stopped the mail and newspaper and done everything as if we were going but I wasn't going anywhere until I was sure of what to do and I just wasn't.
I had prayed about it a few times and was still coming up blank. I even wondered if I was being like Joseph Smith and the 116 lost pages, asking over and over when the answer was no. But I hadn't really gotten a no either.
So, that morning, I gathered the kids together and discussed the situation. I explained that there was going to be some possible bad weather. I explained that one of them had been sick just the day before and the others might get sick on the trip if it was going around like it does in big families. I told them we could go for Christmas instead. We all wanted to go now. We all wanted to spend Christmas in our own home. So we prayed again.
I remember at some point that morning pleading for assurance that either decision was best. I was so torn and I really needed an answer either way. I silently asked if we would be safe. Suddenly I had the assurance I was seeking. Yes, we would be safe.
That was good enough for me. We loaded up the care and headed out. It rained for the first half of the trip. Normally I hate driving in rain. I hate being a passenger in heavy rain! But this time I was fine. I was cheerful. I drove right through the storm without feeling stressed out at all. We got beyond the storm and headed on to my parents house.
We enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving with cousins and grandparents, aunts and uncles. I got to hold one of the newest members of the family. All the kids played really well the whole time. I talked a lot with my dad and my brother who had flown in from Utah. My grandmother had the great-granddaughters over for a sleepover, just like when I was a kid and spent the night with my cousins there. And on the other side of the family all 20 of the great-grandchildren were together for the first time and were able to take a picture together with their great-grandmother. My oldest son played football with his second cousins and had a great time. We were treated to a mini concert by my cousin's daughter on her tiny cello and her dad let all the little kids try it out (My kids LOVED it!!!) I spent some time with my mom and sister-in-law shopping on Black Friday. And I came home with lots of Christmas presents to go under our tree!
I had planned to drive home on Monday. The extended forecast had shown rain on Monday and Tuesday so I considered leaving Sunday. When my youngest woke up Saturday with an eye infection I considered it again. Honestly, I wasn’t quite ready to go back to real life. There was now a slow-moving winter storm coming right across our path home. If I waited it out we wouldn't leave until Wednesday or Thursday. I decided to go on Monday as planned. I felt uncertain about what to do but I didn't know why. I did think of asking my dad to check out the Suburban for me but I felt kind of silly. We had done a lot of work to it and there was nothing to suggest that anything was wrong. Well, I had to add a gallon of coolant on the way there so I had been keeping an eye on that. I even checked it before I left and bought 2 gallons to keep with me just in case but it was fine.
The first part of the trip was great we had pretty good weather and made good time to Knoxville, TN. That is about half way for us. We stopped for lunch at McDonalds and I let the kids play for about an hour. We filled up the tank and started back on I-40. At which point I couldn't go above 50mph and the RPM's shot up to 5!!! I didn’t know what was wrong so I pulled over and checked for a flat tired or parking brake but everything looked okay. I went on to the next exit and got off. We drove around for a few minutes looking for a place to park so I could use the GPS to find a mechanic. I saw a lube shop and stopped there. The man was VERY nice and said they could take a look and either fix it or tell us where to take it.
First, they found a bad leak in the transmission line. Apparently it had been cut and sliced with rubber hose which was not good enough. They replaced it with a metal pipe and assured me that it would last for a while. But after adding 5 quarts of fluid it still wouldn't shift into third gear. They said the upper gears were bad and I should put it in2nd gear to drive. "Don't go above 45 and you should be fine." They suggested the interstate because it would be the straightest, shortest route and limit more wear on the gears.
We had 225 miles to go. It was raining pretty hard. 45 isn't bad in those conditions. We drove about 2 hours before it was dark and clear... and 70 mph. We were stopped by a state trooper. He wasn't very helpful but said that if I got off at the next exit I could take a highway that ran parallel to the interstate “for a while". We crawled along to the exit and got something to eat. Well, the kids ate. I was too upset to eat. I bought a map (since GPS can be really stupid!) and took that highway to the next town, about 20 miles. The clerk that sold me the map said there was nothing after that. (He turned out to be right!)
We got a hotel in Cookesville. I didn't want to try the unfamiliar roads at night, in bad weather with a flood watch out. I couldn't risk being stuck in the middle of nowhere with 7 kids. I didn't sleep well. But we got a free breakfast and I was able to email my husband. (Did I mention he's deployed?) Until this point I had considered getting it fixed, even if we had to stay a few days. That didn't quite seem like the best idea (think of keeping 7 kids entertained without a car... and did I mention the winter storm? No exactly walking weather!) I did a quick search for "rebuild transmission cost" and saw that the top few results were around 2000-2500.
Okay, never mind. I guess we will keep going. I prayed a lot that morning. I felt like we should stop by the dealership that the GPS had shown. I talked to the guy about cost, time, and how to get home in 2nd gear. He basically confirmed everything I already knew but at least that was reassuring. He and another guy said the highway I had taken to get there would go all the way to Nashville and I should have no trouble getting home if I took it slow. I also asked about a 9 passenger vehicle, just in case. The guy made some suggestions but didn't have one. I decided to keep going. Before I even got out of town my husband called. He made more suggestion, mainly to go slow (about 35) and add some Transmedic to protect what was left of the transmission. I went right back to the place across from the dealer and the guys there put some stuff in it for me.
We drove down this quiet, scenic country road for hours. I tried to stay around 30 mph. I did NOT want to ruin that gear! We made slow and steady progress. We stopped for lunch at another McDonalds and the kids played for a while. I bought more maps and called a few people from our ward to make sure I was looking at the right roads. By then I was sure of what I was doing and where I was going. My only anxiety was whether the transmission would last until we got home.
Well, it did. We got home after driving for about 7 hours at 30 miles per hour. And the kids were ready to kill each other! (Did I mention I didn't bring a DVD player and I don't have a smart phone? We were really low-tech on this trip!)
Here are some things I learned from this:
I learned that the tender mercies of the Lord are indeed a "multitude". We were able to find good people to help us along the way. We were able to feed ourselves. We were able to travel through a very beautiful area and enjoy it because we weren't racing through it. We had some good talks and prayed together and sang Christmas songs and Primary songs. There was no quick fix. We all had to find better ways to do things. We had to put our personal comforts aside to accommodate the needs of others. We had to really look at each other and acknowledge each other. Let me tell you, it was HARD!!! I have felt for a long time that we are too selfish. Now I see that we really do need to work on that.
At one point I decided to tell some stories. The first one I picked was "The Christmas Oranges". I sobbed through the whole thing! I had been feeling really guilty about this car issue. I don't like to make mistakes. And I am not very forgiving of myself. I imagined that I was little girl, crying into my pillow thinking "I don't deserve an orange anyway!!" And yet there are always people who are very willing to make sacrifices to make it better. Especially the Savior.
And that isn't all! When I got home I had an email that told a similar story of overlooking the flaws of others. I had another with a video clip by Elder Russell M. Nelson about fear and faith. AND a friend of ours was planning to come till the garden while we were gone. I came home to trimmed bushed, racked flower beds, cut grass including the trimming, and beautifully tilled garden! It looked so great even the kids noticed!
I'm pretty sure this isn't the end of this lesson. I still feel really uncertain about the immediate future. But I have a sure hope that it will all work out.
On our way home we saw a rainbow across the road. As we drove the rainbow moved with us. Here are the pictures taken by my 10 year old daughter. You can see a double rainbow in some of the pictures. And, yes, it was raining at the time! (Oh, yeah, that is just a big stick smudge in the middle that I can't get off. Oh, well!)
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thank Tank, Day 23
I am thankful for my brothers. They are crazy and weird and goofy and smart and obnoxious. I love that I can feel like I am picking up a conversation right where we left off. I also like that even though we are getting older we have continued on the paths we started as children. We have learned different things and made different choices but we have not really changed much.
And yes, I still wish I had a sister! :)
And yes, I still wish I had a sister! :)
Monday, November 14, 2011
Thank Tank, Day, 12
I am thankful for my mother. For better or worse (mostly better) I know I would not be the person I am without her. Today is her birthday so I am doulbly thankful!
Friday, September 23, 2011
5 for Friday: the Law of Chastity
This week I am going with a theme: The Law of Chastity.
For centuries there was a basic, accepted belief that sexual activity was to be restricted to a man and woman who were legally married. While there were always those who ignored this law, I believe most people lived this way. There was little reason not to. No TV or Internet or music to tempt you away from your commitments. That was simply life and people lived it.
At some point in the not-so-distant past, Society decided this law was stupid. "They" collectively wadded it up, threw it in the mud, stomped on it for a while and then spit on it for good measure.
"Ha, HA! Take that you antiquated, restrictive law that sucks the fun out of everything we want to do! We are educated and we know better than to follow some stuffy old rules. We are going to go out and make the world way cooler and totally more funner! So there!!"
Now that some time has passed, the folly of this choice is glaringly obvious. Governments and civic groups scramble to fix the problems without reinstating this simple law and running the risk of being called horrible names like "lame" and "old-fashioned".
My 5 for Friday will be 5 problems that are the direct result of breaking the Law of Chastity. I must admit that I am continually shocked by how screwed up things have become in such a few short years!
1. Unplanned Pregnancies. This applies specifically to those born to unmarried parents. Now, you might be thinking of committed couples who never got around to getting married or those crazy teenagers who made one mistake. While these situations may be breaking the Law of Chastity, they are not even close to the biggest problems in this area.
For example: I know a woman who has 2 children by 2 different men. She was not married to either man. Each man has at least one child by another woman. One man wants nothing to do with any of his children. The mothers are spending time together so their kids can "get to know their brothers and sisters". The children are naturally confused about their relationship with one another, especially confused that their brother's brother is not their brother because he has a different father. Amazingly, none of the adults see anything wrong with this situation!
2. Artificial Insemination. This might seem like a way around the Law of Chastity. You can have a baby without being married of even having sex! But the consequences are shocking. Children conceived this way have no idea who their fathers are. They might marry their half sibling and not even know! There are cases of men "fathering" DOZENS!!! of children. Now our government is try to regulate this process because "Ooops! We didn't think about the long term consequences." There is talk of legal rights of "donor dads", privacy issues, medical histories, etc. I can't imagine how those pedigree charts look! And who would they be sealed to if the opportunity arose?
3. Abortion. This is not exactly news anymore. And that’s the problem. In one generation abortion has gone from being a controversial issue to being widely accepted and even encouraged. It is no longer the desperate attempt of a woman who made a mistake. Abortion is such an acceptable form of birth control that it is a routine question when a woman has a positive pregnancy test. "Well, ma'am, your test is positive. You're going to have a baby...if you want to. If you don't, I can make you an appointment right now to take care of that." Like a baby is just an annoying parasite!
4. Disease. Sexually transmitted diseases have been around for a long time but never in the numbers we see today. There are the innocent children who are infected and potentially contagious in certain situations. Thanks to privacy laws teacher and parents don’t know who might be infected and therefore have extensive procedures to insure a certain degree of safety. Medical professionals try hard to fight those diseases, many of which are incurable. There are drug treatments, vaccines, and preventative steps taught in schools and hospitals. Those encouraging abstinence are openly mocked. Isn't it better to stay well than to take such a potentially life-threatening risk? How much suffering would be eliminated if people kept the Law of Chastity?
5. Divorce. Divorce is increasingly common. It is heartbreaking to see families torn apart. The reasons for divorce are varied but breaking the Law of Chastity is a common cause. Many people still believe that you should be faithful to your spouse even if they did not abstain before marriage. So why is it so hard? My theory is, simply, habit. In a world where promiscuity is not only expected but encouraged, many young people have sex simply to fit in. There is no commitment, no self-control. They learn to give in to their urges and act on impulse. They get married, fully intending to be faithful. Then those urges arise. They fall back into the patterns of their youth, acting on impulse and justifying their actions just as they did before. They did not learn proper skills for dealing with their sexual feeling and are unprepared to deal with them when they arise again.
The answers to life’s problems are often simple. There is a reason for the commandments we have been given. Breaking the Laws of God leads to chaos, confusion, and suffering. I guess sometimes we have to learn things the hard way!
I know that obedience is difficult. I also know that our Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to be happy. He has given us laws and commandments for a reason. Who would have imagined the disastrous consequences of breaking this law? I certainly wouldn’t have! But our Father knew. He has been constant. He has been patient. He has provided a way to repent when we mess up. As a whole, we cannot fix all the problems we have created by our disobedience. But as individuals we can make personal changes to fix the broken parts of our lives. The government can’t fix it. The UN can’t fix it. Non-Profit groups can’t fix it. Only by turning to the Lord can our society return to the order and peace that comes with obedience.
For centuries there was a basic, accepted belief that sexual activity was to be restricted to a man and woman who were legally married. While there were always those who ignored this law, I believe most people lived this way. There was little reason not to. No TV or Internet or music to tempt you away from your commitments. That was simply life and people lived it.
At some point in the not-so-distant past, Society decided this law was stupid. "They" collectively wadded it up, threw it in the mud, stomped on it for a while and then spit on it for good measure.
"Ha, HA! Take that you antiquated, restrictive law that sucks the fun out of everything we want to do! We are educated and we know better than to follow some stuffy old rules. We are going to go out and make the world way cooler and totally more funner! So there!!"
Now that some time has passed, the folly of this choice is glaringly obvious. Governments and civic groups scramble to fix the problems without reinstating this simple law and running the risk of being called horrible names like "lame" and "old-fashioned".
My 5 for Friday will be 5 problems that are the direct result of breaking the Law of Chastity. I must admit that I am continually shocked by how screwed up things have become in such a few short years!
1. Unplanned Pregnancies. This applies specifically to those born to unmarried parents. Now, you might be thinking of committed couples who never got around to getting married or those crazy teenagers who made one mistake. While these situations may be breaking the Law of Chastity, they are not even close to the biggest problems in this area.
For example: I know a woman who has 2 children by 2 different men. She was not married to either man. Each man has at least one child by another woman. One man wants nothing to do with any of his children. The mothers are spending time together so their kids can "get to know their brothers and sisters". The children are naturally confused about their relationship with one another, especially confused that their brother's brother is not their brother because he has a different father. Amazingly, none of the adults see anything wrong with this situation!
2. Artificial Insemination. This might seem like a way around the Law of Chastity. You can have a baby without being married of even having sex! But the consequences are shocking. Children conceived this way have no idea who their fathers are. They might marry their half sibling and not even know! There are cases of men "fathering" DOZENS!!! of children. Now our government is try to regulate this process because "Ooops! We didn't think about the long term consequences." There is talk of legal rights of "donor dads", privacy issues, medical histories, etc. I can't imagine how those pedigree charts look! And who would they be sealed to if the opportunity arose?
3. Abortion. This is not exactly news anymore. And that’s the problem. In one generation abortion has gone from being a controversial issue to being widely accepted and even encouraged. It is no longer the desperate attempt of a woman who made a mistake. Abortion is such an acceptable form of birth control that it is a routine question when a woman has a positive pregnancy test. "Well, ma'am, your test is positive. You're going to have a baby...if you want to. If you don't, I can make you an appointment right now to take care of that." Like a baby is just an annoying parasite!
4. Disease. Sexually transmitted diseases have been around for a long time but never in the numbers we see today. There are the innocent children who are infected and potentially contagious in certain situations. Thanks to privacy laws teacher and parents don’t know who might be infected and therefore have extensive procedures to insure a certain degree of safety. Medical professionals try hard to fight those diseases, many of which are incurable. There are drug treatments, vaccines, and preventative steps taught in schools and hospitals. Those encouraging abstinence are openly mocked. Isn't it better to stay well than to take such a potentially life-threatening risk? How much suffering would be eliminated if people kept the Law of Chastity?
5. Divorce. Divorce is increasingly common. It is heartbreaking to see families torn apart. The reasons for divorce are varied but breaking the Law of Chastity is a common cause. Many people still believe that you should be faithful to your spouse even if they did not abstain before marriage. So why is it so hard? My theory is, simply, habit. In a world where promiscuity is not only expected but encouraged, many young people have sex simply to fit in. There is no commitment, no self-control. They learn to give in to their urges and act on impulse. They get married, fully intending to be faithful. Then those urges arise. They fall back into the patterns of their youth, acting on impulse and justifying their actions just as they did before. They did not learn proper skills for dealing with their sexual feeling and are unprepared to deal with them when they arise again.
The answers to life’s problems are often simple. There is a reason for the commandments we have been given. Breaking the Laws of God leads to chaos, confusion, and suffering. I guess sometimes we have to learn things the hard way!
I know that obedience is difficult. I also know that our Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to be happy. He has given us laws and commandments for a reason. Who would have imagined the disastrous consequences of breaking this law? I certainly wouldn’t have! But our Father knew. He has been constant. He has been patient. He has provided a way to repent when we mess up. As a whole, we cannot fix all the problems we have created by our disobedience. But as individuals we can make personal changes to fix the broken parts of our lives. The government can’t fix it. The UN can’t fix it. Non-Profit groups can’t fix it. Only by turning to the Lord can our society return to the order and peace that comes with obedience.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Happy Pioneer Day!
To Be A Pioneer
by Ruth Muir Gardner
You don’t have to push a handcart,
Leave your fam’ly dear,
Or walk a thousand miles or more
To be a pioneer!
You do need to have great courage,
Faith to conquer fear,
And work with might for a cause that’s right
To be a pioneer!
1. inventor or innovator: a person or group that is the first to do something or that leads in developing something new
2. first person to explore territory: a person who is one of the first from another country or region to explore or settle a new area
3. soldier who builds things: a foot soldier whose duties include going ahead of the main company to construct things to pave the way for them
4. first species to grow somewhere: the first species of plant or animal life to begin living in a previously unoccupied site, e.g. a moss beginning to grow on otherwise bare rock
Pioneer has a very specific meaning to members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We use the word to refer to early members of the church. They would move to a new place, build up a beautiful community for themselves, only to be driven out by angry mobs. This happened over and over again. Finally, they gathered their most basic belongings and moved west. Sometimes they used covered wagons. Sometimes they pulled handcarts. Most of them walked for miles a day.
I am not going to make light of the difficult challenges these pioneers endured. I know they worked very hard. I know some of them suffered. I know their faith was tested. I also know they are not that different from the rest of us.
We each must cross our own desolate plains to reach the promised land. We each must work hard. None are excluded from the trials that will make us grow strong. Each must prove himself worthy.
My ancestors were not pioneers in the traditional, LDS sense of the word. When I was younger, I thought this mattered. It doesn't. I know people are proud of the contributions their ancestors made. I can understand that. I am proud of my heritage too. My ancestors were immigrants to the United States. They built homes on the frontier. They fought wars that shaped this nation. They had strong faith in God and did their best to live the gospel as they understood it. They taught their children to work hard, learn all they could and trust in the Lord. They passed on to me a heritage that has served me well as a Latter-Day Saint.
I know this day is ear-marked for those Saints who crossed the plains. I appreciate them, really. I know that they made it possible for the gospel to thrive. They produced the missionaries that brought the gospel to my family. I look to their example of faith as a source of strength. But I also remember my own pioneer ancestors. I would not be the person I am without their sacrifices. They deserve to be honored.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Superpowers 101: Smelling Good
I attended a MOPS meeting yesterday on Post. The speaker was a Chaplin's wife whose children are adults now. She talked about the importance of leaving a legacy for future generations. She said our legacy is like a scent. It can be sweet like perfume or stinky like garbage. Then she asked the question; what smell will you leave behind?
I thought this was a wonderful metaphor! They say smells can invoke the strongest memories. It's true. When I was 5 years old my family visited Yellowstone National Park. 30 years later I still think of that trip when I smell a strong eggy smell. (Because of the sulfur there).
We take our sense of smell for granted. I know because I have terrible allergies that cause swelling in my nasal passages. I will go weeks without smelling much of anything. This can be a good thing. I don't smell dirty diapers or garbage. Then again I don't smell dirty diapers or garbage. I also don't smell flowers or strawberries or fresh-baked bread.
When the swelling subsides and I can suddenly smell again, I feel a bit overwhelmed. A side effect of this is that I don't have much sense of taste either. I remember in college adding cayenne pepper to some noodles I was eating. They were red with the spice. My roommate walked into the room and was so assaulted by the strong smell that her eyes started to water. I couldn't even taste it!
I thought of all of this as I listened to the speaker yesterday. Are there times when we are in the presence of people who "smell" good or bad and don't realize it? Is our ability to be influenced by them dulled by worldly distractions?
What about our own efforts to affect the world? Are we trying hard to leave a lasting legacy in a world that is incapable of noticing?
What about artificial smells? There is a huge industry of scented candles, air fresheners, fabric fresheners, scented lotions, soaps, detergents, deodorants, etc. What effect do these fake scents have on us? Do we try to create artificial "scents" in our lives, too? Do we go through the motions and put on an act to cover up the "bad smell" we are creating? Will those fake scents wear off and reveal the true smell someday?
I really appreciated this idea and all the thoughts it inspired. I know there are tiems when I try to ignore problems or put them aside becasue I am not willing or able to deal with them. I also know that only a true cleansing throught repentance can erase the smells left from misdeeds. I kow the Lord will bless our efforts to create a legacy full of sweet smells and happy memories.
I thought this was a wonderful metaphor! They say smells can invoke the strongest memories. It's true. When I was 5 years old my family visited Yellowstone National Park. 30 years later I still think of that trip when I smell a strong eggy smell. (Because of the sulfur there).
We take our sense of smell for granted. I know because I have terrible allergies that cause swelling in my nasal passages. I will go weeks without smelling much of anything. This can be a good thing. I don't smell dirty diapers or garbage. Then again I don't smell dirty diapers or garbage. I also don't smell flowers or strawberries or fresh-baked bread.
When the swelling subsides and I can suddenly smell again, I feel a bit overwhelmed. A side effect of this is that I don't have much sense of taste either. I remember in college adding cayenne pepper to some noodles I was eating. They were red with the spice. My roommate walked into the room and was so assaulted by the strong smell that her eyes started to water. I couldn't even taste it!
I thought of all of this as I listened to the speaker yesterday. Are there times when we are in the presence of people who "smell" good or bad and don't realize it? Is our ability to be influenced by them dulled by worldly distractions?
What about our own efforts to affect the world? Are we trying hard to leave a lasting legacy in a world that is incapable of noticing?
What about artificial smells? There is a huge industry of scented candles, air fresheners, fabric fresheners, scented lotions, soaps, detergents, deodorants, etc. What effect do these fake scents have on us? Do we try to create artificial "scents" in our lives, too? Do we go through the motions and put on an act to cover up the "bad smell" we are creating? Will those fake scents wear off and reveal the true smell someday?
I really appreciated this idea and all the thoughts it inspired. I know there are tiems when I try to ignore problems or put them aside becasue I am not willing or able to deal with them. I also know that only a true cleansing throught repentance can erase the smells left from misdeeds. I kow the Lord will bless our efforts to create a legacy full of sweet smells and happy memories.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Why I Didn't Watch The Royal Wedding
So why didn't I go through with it?
When the kids got on the bus this morning I turned on the TV and watched the highlights of the wedding. One phrase summed it up: "Till death us do part".
That is why I didn’t' make this a big deal. That is why I didn't present this fabulous wedding as a model for my daughters. That is why I reigned in my worldly passions.
Don't get me wrong, I am happy for William and Kate. I think I join the world in holding my breath at the hopes that this marriage will last. We are thrilled with their obvious love. We relate to the sweetness of their romance. We lament the challenges they face as a very public, very restricted couple. We want them to succeed. We want them to be happy.
But at the end of the day, their marriage is temporary. It is only for this life.
And everything that is in the world, whether it be ordained of men, by thrones, or principalities, or powers, or things of name, whatsoever they may be, that are not by me or by my word, saith the Lord, shall be thrown down, and shall not remain after men are dead, neither in nor after the resurrection, saith the Lord your God.I couldn't help comparing this wedding to the recent wedding of my college roommate. She was married in the Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Temple. I think my happiness for her far surpasses that of the Royal Couple. You might think this is because I know her personally. I am sure that is part of it. But her marriage in the temple will last for eternity.
For whatsoever things remain are by me; and whatsoever things are not by me shall be shaken and destroyed.
Therefore, if a man marry him a wife in the world, and he marry her not by me nor by my word, and he covenant with her so long as he is in the world and she with him, their covenant and marriage are not of force when they are dead, and when they are out of the world; therefore, they are not bound by any law when they are out of the world. (Doctrine & Covenants 132:13-15)
Let me explain the difference. Let's say William and Kate survive the paparazzi and the pressure and are happily married for 75 years. Then what? That's it. They get old and die and are no longer united. President David O. McKay explained why this kind of marriage is not enough.
Love is as eternal as the spirit of man; and if man continues after death, which he does, so will love....If love continues shouldn't the relationships? Would a loving, all-knowing Father deprive his children of those loving relationships when the feelings persist? President McKay continues;
So whenever any person dies, the virtue of love will persist, and if any inquirer believes in the immortality of the soul, or in the persistence of personality after death, he must admit that love will also persist. …
...In the spirit world we shall recognize our loved ones there and know them as we loved them here. I love my wife more than I can love other people. I love my children. I can have sympathy; I can have a desire to help all mankind, but I love her by whose side I have sat and watched a loved one in illness, or, perhaps, pass away. Those experiences bind heart to heart, and it is a glorious thought to cherish that death cannot separate hearts that are thus bound together; for each of you husbands will recognize your wife in the other world, and you will love her there as you love her here, and will come forth to a newness of everlasting life in the resurrection. Why should death separate you when love will continue after death? (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: David O. McKay, 125)
It should not, and it need not, for when Jesus was upon the earth he told his Apostles: “And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” (Matthew 16:19.) And with the restoration to earth of the Holy Priesthood, the Church asserts that this power was again given to chosen men, and that in the house of the Lord where the marriage ceremony is performed by those who are properly authorized to represent our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the union between husband and wife, and between parents and children, is effected for time and all eternity, and that for those thus married the family will continue into the eternities. (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: David O. McKay, 125)A marriage and family that will continue through eternity. That is what my friend has. That is what my husband and I have, along with many others. The Queen of England can't do that for her grandson, nor can the Bishop of London. No amount of public opinion or news coverage can make their marriage last forever. Only the power and authority of God can bring about this great miracle.
This is what I want for my children. This is why I have pictures of temples in my home. This is why we talk about the gospel of Jesus Christ in our home. This is why we read and discuss the scriptures. This is why I teach my children modesty and virtue and worthiness. I want to do everything in my power to put them on the path to the temple. This is why I did not watch the Royal Wedding.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Power-ups
"President Marion G. Romney said of welfare work, “You cannot give yourself poor in this work.” And then he quoted his mission president, Melvin J. Ballard, this way: “A person cannot give a crust to the Lord without receiving a loaf in return.”
I have found that to be true in my life. When I am generous to Heavenly Father’s children in need, He is generous to me." ~ Henry B. Eyring
I have found that to be true in my life. When I am generous to Heavenly Father’s children in need, He is generous to me." ~ Henry B. Eyring
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Superwoman Parables: 3 Little Pigs
Once upon a time there were three little pigs. They went out into the world to build homes for their families. They were warned about the dangers of the Big Bad Wolf. Their mother told them that they must build strong homes or the Big Bad Wolf would get inside and destroy their family.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Superwoman VS "The Wants"
For some time now, my husband and I have been very disappointed in the seemingly self-centered attitudes exhibited by our children. There is definitely a "mememememe" factor that has nothing to do with voice exercises and an apathy that reminds me of zombies. This WILL NOT DO!
The big moment of change came this summer. The children were out of school and I had signed them all up for the various reading programs at the local library. The first day came and I bustled everyone out of the house and into the library. It was a madhouse! There were people everywhere!
We were there for the older kids that day but we were a little late and the program had already started. I didn't know where they were supposed to be so I told them we would just get some books and leave. Our library has a play area for younger kids. My plan was for the older kids to take turns watching the younger ones while I helped them find their books. I thought they would be able to stay corralled and entertained for the 20 minutes or so it would take to find the books we wanted. In their defense, it was VERY crowded but, bottom line, it didn't work. I got yelled at by the librarian because some of my older kids were playing with the baby toys and even fighting with toddlers while my little ones were running laps up and down the aisles.
But wait. It gets better (or worse).
We did not have library cards. I had tried to get one a few weeks earlier but I didn't have proof of residency so I couldn't get a card that day. "No big deal" I thought. "I will get it next time." But the process was very time consuming. It took over half and hour. The children were chasing each other around the circulation desk, playing on the motorized chairs, spinning the giant dictionary around on the table behind me, pounding on the computer keyboards, older ones dragging younger ones kicking and screaming (LITERALLY!!!) back to where I was filling out applications, the baby tired and screaming on my lap. It was probably the most embarrassing and horrifying day of my life.
I went home 100% convinced that I had, indeed, FAILED as a mother. There was no more room for doubt. I now had irrefutable evidence and about 50 witnesses that I had not taught my children a blasted thing! I had not raised well-mannered children who would grow up to be valued citizens, who contributed to society. Instead, I had a pack of monsters who would plague society with their lack of respect for others and complete disregard for rules and authority.
It took every ounce of self- control (and probably a healthy dose of divine intervention) to keep those kids alive, unbroken, unbeaten, and not abandoned on the side of the road.
Years ago, I had a friend who gave me some advice about motivating children. She said that when her kids were not behaving, she stopped doing the "extras". She fed them, but didn't treat them. She cleaned but didn't go out of her way. Basically, she did the bare minimum until they had changed their attitudes. At the time, I didn't know how to do this. My kids were too little to really understand this kind of discipline.
But this day, this horrible, depressing day, my friend's advice came back like a lightening bolt on a stormy night.
We went home and I laid it out for them. No more TV. No more video games. No more Popsicles. No more Kool-aid, they could have water. No more cold cereal, they could have oatmeal. No more dessert. For snacks they could have fruit; no chips or crackers or yogurt or candy or anything remotely enjoyable. I threw away whatever snacks we had. If they came up with something they wanted to eat or play or do that was remotely fun, I said no.
Then I put them to work. They were going to clean their rooms every day. Spotless. There were going to be chores done; laundry, vacuuming, dishes, weeding the garden, whatever I could find. When all of that was done, they could go outside and find some way to entertain themselves. No bubbles or chalk or water sprinkler. If it was too hot, they could play inside. They had quiet time every afternoon while the youngest kids napped.
Sounds horrible doesn't it? At first it was. I couldn't watch TV because they would find ways to come in and stare, no matter what I was watching. There was also a lot of somberness in the house. I was not about to forget what they had done, nor could I simple forgive and let it go. They pleaded for forgiveness. They begged for leniency. I remained unmoved. They learned quickly that I was not going to let up so they accepted their fate and sulked for several days.
It had to be this way. I had to get the point across. I had to hold out long enough to break them of their terrible habits. I knew I had to pack a bag and bring a lunch because we were not going home 'til the job was done.
After the initial shock, they started to find things to do again. They rediscovered their toys and their imaginations. They realized they were not going to starve without cookies and popcorn. Their thirst was quenched by water and milk. They got used to playing outside. They became friends again.
It was amazing! Coming down so hard and sticking with it for so long (about 3 weeks) went a long way to showing them who was boss and that I really was capable of following through on my threats. They started listening more and acting quickly when I told them to do something. They stopped complaining. It was wonderful! But more than that, we all learned that we really didn't need those things. We were just as happy without TV or dessert or snacks. We had fun playing with each other.
One testament to the power of this punishment came weeks later, after I had started to allow a few luxuries again. We were in Vermont visiting family. One day, my 7 year old son came to me and said "Are you still mad?" I didn't know what he was talking about and asked for some clarification. It turned out he wanted to play a video game and was wondering if he was still being punished. I let him play but I was thrilled to learn that he was still aware of the earlier punishments and was not about to over-step the lines.
I am sorry to report that we have gotten slack again. The kids have been lazy and disrespectful lately. There has been a lot of fighting and teasing. So I guess we will have to try this again. But I know it works. I know the power of consistency and limits. And pulling the cushy, thick-piled rug out from under their baby-soft, callous-free feet.
I also learned about my past failures. One failing is that the punishments are not always strong enough to get the point across. Time-out doesn't work well for us because I can't ignore them if they talk. It ends up being a one-on-one conversation with a child who wants attention anyway. Taking away one luxury doesn't always work either. I have taken away things from the girls for months at a time and that works. The boys don't care so much. Taking away TV and cereal and dessert was much more traumatic for them.
I don't like being the bad guy. That is probably why I have struggled with finding the right way to discipline my kids. We live in a world that pounds on us every day. I don't want to add to that. I would much rather love them and talk to them and listen to their problems. I want to be their guide, not their warden.
The reason this worked so well for me is that I didn't deprive them of the necessities. They were still fed healthy food. They still had things to do. I didn't risk their health. And I knew that in the long run, it would be better for us all. I want them to grow up to be good people. I often say to myself "I'm not raising children, I am raising adults". That helps me keep perspective. I want to teach them the skills that will be most beneficial to them as adults.
Sometiems that feels like hurding turtles. Sometimes it feels like holding back the tide. Mostly it feels like having a handful of that goop stuff that is made of Borax. It runs through your fingers but gets hard if you apply too much pressure. It takes a lot of practice and trial and error but it can be really cool once you get the hang of it!
The big moment of change came this summer. The children were out of school and I had signed them all up for the various reading programs at the local library. The first day came and I bustled everyone out of the house and into the library. It was a madhouse! There were people everywhere!
We were there for the older kids that day but we were a little late and the program had already started. I didn't know where they were supposed to be so I told them we would just get some books and leave. Our library has a play area for younger kids. My plan was for the older kids to take turns watching the younger ones while I helped them find their books. I thought they would be able to stay corralled and entertained for the 20 minutes or so it would take to find the books we wanted. In their defense, it was VERY crowded but, bottom line, it didn't work. I got yelled at by the librarian because some of my older kids were playing with the baby toys and even fighting with toddlers while my little ones were running laps up and down the aisles.
But wait. It gets better (or worse).
We did not have library cards. I had tried to get one a few weeks earlier but I didn't have proof of residency so I couldn't get a card that day. "No big deal" I thought. "I will get it next time." But the process was very time consuming. It took over half and hour. The children were chasing each other around the circulation desk, playing on the motorized chairs, spinning the giant dictionary around on the table behind me, pounding on the computer keyboards, older ones dragging younger ones kicking and screaming (LITERALLY!!!) back to where I was filling out applications, the baby tired and screaming on my lap. It was probably the most embarrassing and horrifying day of my life.
I went home 100% convinced that I had, indeed, FAILED as a mother. There was no more room for doubt. I now had irrefutable evidence and about 50 witnesses that I had not taught my children a blasted thing! I had not raised well-mannered children who would grow up to be valued citizens, who contributed to society. Instead, I had a pack of monsters who would plague society with their lack of respect for others and complete disregard for rules and authority.
It took every ounce of self- control (and probably a healthy dose of divine intervention) to keep those kids alive, unbroken, unbeaten, and not abandoned on the side of the road.
Years ago, I had a friend who gave me some advice about motivating children. She said that when her kids were not behaving, she stopped doing the "extras". She fed them, but didn't treat them. She cleaned but didn't go out of her way. Basically, she did the bare minimum until they had changed their attitudes. At the time, I didn't know how to do this. My kids were too little to really understand this kind of discipline.
But this day, this horrible, depressing day, my friend's advice came back like a lightening bolt on a stormy night.
We went home and I laid it out for them. No more TV. No more video games. No more Popsicles. No more Kool-aid, they could have water. No more cold cereal, they could have oatmeal. No more dessert. For snacks they could have fruit; no chips or crackers or yogurt or candy or anything remotely enjoyable. I threw away whatever snacks we had. If they came up with something they wanted to eat or play or do that was remotely fun, I said no.
Then I put them to work. They were going to clean their rooms every day. Spotless. There were going to be chores done; laundry, vacuuming, dishes, weeding the garden, whatever I could find. When all of that was done, they could go outside and find some way to entertain themselves. No bubbles or chalk or water sprinkler. If it was too hot, they could play inside. They had quiet time every afternoon while the youngest kids napped.
Sounds horrible doesn't it? At first it was. I couldn't watch TV because they would find ways to come in and stare, no matter what I was watching. There was also a lot of somberness in the house. I was not about to forget what they had done, nor could I simple forgive and let it go. They pleaded for forgiveness. They begged for leniency. I remained unmoved. They learned quickly that I was not going to let up so they accepted their fate and sulked for several days.
It had to be this way. I had to get the point across. I had to hold out long enough to break them of their terrible habits. I knew I had to pack a bag and bring a lunch because we were not going home 'til the job was done.
After the initial shock, they started to find things to do again. They rediscovered their toys and their imaginations. They realized they were not going to starve without cookies and popcorn. Their thirst was quenched by water and milk. They got used to playing outside. They became friends again.
It was amazing! Coming down so hard and sticking with it for so long (about 3 weeks) went a long way to showing them who was boss and that I really was capable of following through on my threats. They started listening more and acting quickly when I told them to do something. They stopped complaining. It was wonderful! But more than that, we all learned that we really didn't need those things. We were just as happy without TV or dessert or snacks. We had fun playing with each other.
One testament to the power of this punishment came weeks later, after I had started to allow a few luxuries again. We were in Vermont visiting family. One day, my 7 year old son came to me and said "Are you still mad?" I didn't know what he was talking about and asked for some clarification. It turned out he wanted to play a video game and was wondering if he was still being punished. I let him play but I was thrilled to learn that he was still aware of the earlier punishments and was not about to over-step the lines.
I am sorry to report that we have gotten slack again. The kids have been lazy and disrespectful lately. There has been a lot of fighting and teasing. So I guess we will have to try this again. But I know it works. I know the power of consistency and limits. And pulling the cushy, thick-piled rug out from under their baby-soft, callous-free feet.
I also learned about my past failures. One failing is that the punishments are not always strong enough to get the point across. Time-out doesn't work well for us because I can't ignore them if they talk. It ends up being a one-on-one conversation with a child who wants attention anyway. Taking away one luxury doesn't always work either. I have taken away things from the girls for months at a time and that works. The boys don't care so much. Taking away TV and cereal and dessert was much more traumatic for them.
I don't like being the bad guy. That is probably why I have struggled with finding the right way to discipline my kids. We live in a world that pounds on us every day. I don't want to add to that. I would much rather love them and talk to them and listen to their problems. I want to be their guide, not their warden.
The reason this worked so well for me is that I didn't deprive them of the necessities. They were still fed healthy food. They still had things to do. I didn't risk their health. And I knew that in the long run, it would be better for us all. I want them to grow up to be good people. I often say to myself "I'm not raising children, I am raising adults". That helps me keep perspective. I want to teach them the skills that will be most beneficial to them as adults.
Sometiems that feels like hurding turtles. Sometimes it feels like holding back the tide. Mostly it feels like having a handful of that goop stuff that is made of Borax. It runs through your fingers but gets hard if you apply too much pressure. It takes a lot of practice and trial and error but it can be really cool once you get the hang of it!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
"What have you done with my name?"
This weekend we gave our new baby a name and a blessing. As I thought about the significance of this priesthood ordinance, I thought of the importance of names. Growing up, my parents taught me that a person's name is sacred. As I got older, I learned that when we gossip or lie about a person, we are damaging their "good name". I also remembered a story I heard as a young girl that made a deep impact on me.
The statement that we will have to account for what we have done with the names we bear, including the name of our Father in heaven, has gone a long way to keeping me in check. At times, it may seem that it doesn't matter what we do. Maybe we live far from home. No one knows who we are. They don't know our family. Does it really matter if we soil that name a little from time to time?
When I was a Senior in high school, I learned the answer to that question. I found myself in a "Bible bash" with some girls in my chorus class. What had started innocently enough with a few simple questions had turned into "let's gang up on the heathen Mormon and see if we can save her". After 3 days, I knew it had to stop. All we were doing was arguing. We weren't going to change any one's mind. I prayed for a way out of the mess I had gotten myself into.
The next day, as class started, the leader of the "opposition" came up to me, a list of scripture verses in her hand, ready to prove my beliefs wrong. I felt my stomach tighten and silently prayed for a way out. The girl waved the list in my face and said, "I talked to my daddy last night and he gave me list of scriptures to use as ammunition against you." The other girls clustered behind her, reminding me of a pack of wolves ready to pounce on their cornered prey.
The ring leader sat down next to me and said "Before we get started I have to ask you a question. Do you know Harlie Wilson?" This was probably the most unexpected thing she could have asked me at that moment. I had no idea where she was going with it so I just answered truthfully, "Yes."
"How do you know him?" She asked. I felt like I was on trial as she stared hard at me. "He is my uncle. My grandpa's brother." She relaxed and sighed deeply. "I was afraid of that." she said regretfully. Then she folded up her paper and put it away. The "pack of wolves" looked even more startled than I felt at that moment and asked what was going on.
The girl thought a moment and said, "I told my dad all about you and he said I should ask if you were related to Harlie Wilson. He said your uncle used to cut his hair when he was a little boy and that he was the best man he had ever met. He told me that if you were related to him I should leave you alone. I still think I can prove your church is wrong and I really want to. But I have never heard my dad talk about someone with that much respect. My dad is the best man I have ever met and if he says to leave you alone that is what I am going to do."
And that was it. We never argued or even mentioned religion again. This whole episode nearly overwhelmed me with "coincidences". I was deeply grateful for the wonderful example of my great-uncle*. I, like President Smith, had reflected on my behavior and was relieved to know that I was worthy of being associated with my family. My classmate and her father were also people of integrity who recognized the good in others and were willing to set aside their personal differences.
The most important lesson I learned was that you never know who is watching. My uncle didn't know that a little boy sitting in his barber chair was paying attention to what kind of man was holding the scissors.
*This is the only link I could find.
President George Albert Smith told the story of a time when he was seriously ill and had traveled to St. George, Utah, to see if it would improve his health. He became so weak that he could scarcely move. In his account he recalled: “One day, under these conditions, I lost consciousness of my surroundings and thought I had passed to the Other Side. ... I saw a man coming towards me. I became aware that he was a very large man, and I hurried my steps to reach him, because I recognized him as my grandfather. … I remember how happy I was to see him coming. I had been given his name and had always been proud of it.
“When Grandfather came within a few feet of me, he stopped. His stopping was an invitation for me to stop. Then—and this I would like the boys and girls and young people never to forget—he looked at me very earnestly and said:
“ ‘I would like to know what you have done with my name.’
“Everything I had ever done passed before me as though it were a flying picture on a screen—everything I had done. Quickly this vivid retrospect came down to the very time I was standing there. My whole life had passed before me. I smiled and looked at my grandfather and said:
‘I have never done anything with your name of which you need be ashamed.’
“He stepped forward and took me in his arms, and as he did so, I became conscious again of my earthly surroundings. My pillow was wet as though water had been poured on it—wet with tears of gratitude that I could answer unashamed.”
President Smith continued to say, “I have thought of this many times, and I want to tell you that I have been trying, more than ever since that time, to take care of that name. So I want to say to the boys and girls, to the young men and women, to the youth of the Church and of all the world: Honor your fathers and mothers. Honor the names that you bear, because some day you will have the privilege and the obligation of reporting to them (and to your Father in heaven) what you have done with their name.” (George Albert Smith, Sharing the Gospel with Others, Deseret Book Co., 1948, pp. 111–12.)(O. Leslie Stone, “The Importance of Reputation,” New Era, Feb 1978, 41)
The statement that we will have to account for what we have done with the names we bear, including the name of our Father in heaven, has gone a long way to keeping me in check. At times, it may seem that it doesn't matter what we do. Maybe we live far from home. No one knows who we are. They don't know our family. Does it really matter if we soil that name a little from time to time?
When I was a Senior in high school, I learned the answer to that question. I found myself in a "Bible bash" with some girls in my chorus class. What had started innocently enough with a few simple questions had turned into "let's gang up on the heathen Mormon and see if we can save her". After 3 days, I knew it had to stop. All we were doing was arguing. We weren't going to change any one's mind. I prayed for a way out of the mess I had gotten myself into.
The next day, as class started, the leader of the "opposition" came up to me, a list of scripture verses in her hand, ready to prove my beliefs wrong. I felt my stomach tighten and silently prayed for a way out. The girl waved the list in my face and said, "I talked to my daddy last night and he gave me list of scriptures to use as ammunition against you." The other girls clustered behind her, reminding me of a pack of wolves ready to pounce on their cornered prey.
The ring leader sat down next to me and said "Before we get started I have to ask you a question. Do you know Harlie Wilson?" This was probably the most unexpected thing she could have asked me at that moment. I had no idea where she was going with it so I just answered truthfully, "Yes."
"How do you know him?" She asked. I felt like I was on trial as she stared hard at me. "He is my uncle. My grandpa's brother." She relaxed and sighed deeply. "I was afraid of that." she said regretfully. Then she folded up her paper and put it away. The "pack of wolves" looked even more startled than I felt at that moment and asked what was going on.
The girl thought a moment and said, "I told my dad all about you and he said I should ask if you were related to Harlie Wilson. He said your uncle used to cut his hair when he was a little boy and that he was the best man he had ever met. He told me that if you were related to him I should leave you alone. I still think I can prove your church is wrong and I really want to. But I have never heard my dad talk about someone with that much respect. My dad is the best man I have ever met and if he says to leave you alone that is what I am going to do."
And that was it. We never argued or even mentioned religion again. This whole episode nearly overwhelmed me with "coincidences". I was deeply grateful for the wonderful example of my great-uncle*. I, like President Smith, had reflected on my behavior and was relieved to know that I was worthy of being associated with my family. My classmate and her father were also people of integrity who recognized the good in others and were willing to set aside their personal differences.
The most important lesson I learned was that you never know who is watching. My uncle didn't know that a little boy sitting in his barber chair was paying attention to what kind of man was holding the scissors.
*This is the only link I could find.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
A Taste of Heaven
There is a lot of hype and commentary about social networking groups such as Facebook. Some is positive, some is negative, some is just news. My husband harasses me about "getting my fix". Apparently, everything I do on the computer now falls under the category of "Facebooking", even if I am paying bills. Most of the time I don't mind. I enjoy Facebook. Here are a few reasons why.
First of all, I like knowing what is going on in people's lives. I like keeping in touch with people I care about. I do not like talking on the phone. As much as I love talking with my friends, I really avoid the telephone as much as possible. I don't know why. I have always been that way. Letters and email have always been a more appealing form of communication for me. (after face-to-face of course!) But who has time to write letters anymore?
Letter-writing requires time, effort, consistency and a certain level of organization. When I was in college I wrote many letters to friends all over the country. I had a system for keeping track of who I had written to and who I hadn't. Over time, I got further and further behind. I regretted losing track of my friends and missed our brief communications.
Email became a much easier and faster way to keep in touch. I still like email because I can keep the "letters" without cluttering up the place. The problem with email is the same as letter writing: time. More than once I think "Didn't So-n-so have a baby recently?" When I look it up I realize it was 8 months ago! Well, never mind sending my congratulations now.
Admittedly, I sometimes have similar problems with Facebook. Sometimes there is too much going on with too many people. Other times, I miss that one status update that explains everything and I have no idea what the person is talking about until I go back and check it out. The good news is that I can do that. I can check up on people if I haven't heard from them in a while. (Yes, I am SPYING on all of you!) In all seriousness, I like knowing what is going on in the lives of people I care about and I like being able to share my life with them.
While I am sincere, that reason for using Facebook is sort of...superficial. Yes, it is fun and informative and entertaining. But really, it is not always about really connecting with people on a personal level. So, why bother?
My answer comes from something my dad said. He told me that he had never really felt the need to stay in touch with people outside of the family. He said "If we stay true to the faith, we will see each other again. If we don't, we won't want to see each other." I thought about that a lot. I tried to imagine what it would be like in the Celestial Kingdom. What would it be like to look for someone and not find them? What would the reunion be like if we were there together?
There is a beautiful scene in the Book of Mormon that illustrates a taste of that experience. Alma and his friends, the sons of Mosiah, had been terribly rebellious and caused all kinds of trouble. An angel appeared to them, commanding them to stop harassing the people of God. After that they were all converted and went their separate ways, trying to make up for their mistakes and bring others unto Christ. After 14 years, they are unexpectedly reunited. ( Alma 17:2, 27:17-18)
What has always touched me about this story is that they weren't just happy to see each other because they were old friends. They were happy because they had stayed true to the commandments. They had grown and changed for the better. They were happy to see the men that they had become.
Now, you might be wondering what this has to do with Facebook. I will explain. In the past year or so, I have reconnected with people I haven't' seen or heard from in as much as 20 years. (Can I really be old enough to say that?) More than once I have sat at my computer reading over someone's Info and found myself crying tears of joy as I read. Sometimes it is because they were teetering on the edge when I last saw them and are now firmly on the right path. Other times it is just knowing that they are still doing what they should be doing. One of my friends has joined the church. I wept when I saw that.
Other times I have felt sadness. I have friends who are no longer active members of the church. There are those who have struggled with substance abuse, divorce, health problems, death of loved ones, the list goes on. Sometimes I am amazed at how they have handled themselves and take strength from their example. Other times I am frustrated and disappointed. A few I would like to give a good smack in the head!
It isn't that I am judging them or turning up my nose at them. I feel sad for them. I have often thought What if this was it? What if today, right now, we were all judged and given our reward or punishment according to the choices we are making right now? Where would we be? Would some of my friends be lost to me? Or would we rejoice together, as Alma and his friends did?
This might seem like a depressing line of thought but it isn't. I see it more like watching a Marathon. Some are doing fine and you know they will make it. You have plans to meet at the finish-line and you know they will be there. Others are struggling and need some encouragement. You worry that they might drop out. If they do, you know they will miss out. They will regret it. The race isn't over yet. There is plenty of time to make it to the finish line. There is no "winning" in this race, only finishing.
I have been told that (if we make it) we will be so happy in the Celestial Kingdom that we won't even notice the people who are missing. I don't believe that. Not completely. I think we will know that God's judgment is fair but I think we will know that some of our loved ones didn't make the right choices and we will feel... something. Sad, disappointed, we will miss them.
President David O. McKay explained,
To me, this means that our feelings won't change just because we have died. We will probably hang out with the same people there as we do here. We will want to be with the same people. If someone is missing, what will we say to each other? "Remember What's-His-Name? He had such a great sense of humor. I really liked him. Oh, well, too bad for him." I know, we all have to choose for ourselves. We are accountable for our own choices. But who would you want there with you? And who would you miss?
First of all, I like knowing what is going on in people's lives. I like keeping in touch with people I care about. I do not like talking on the phone. As much as I love talking with my friends, I really avoid the telephone as much as possible. I don't know why. I have always been that way. Letters and email have always been a more appealing form of communication for me. (after face-to-face of course!) But who has time to write letters anymore?
Letter-writing requires time, effort, consistency and a certain level of organization. When I was in college I wrote many letters to friends all over the country. I had a system for keeping track of who I had written to and who I hadn't. Over time, I got further and further behind. I regretted losing track of my friends and missed our brief communications.
Email became a much easier and faster way to keep in touch. I still like email because I can keep the "letters" without cluttering up the place. The problem with email is the same as letter writing: time. More than once I think "Didn't So-n-so have a baby recently?" When I look it up I realize it was 8 months ago! Well, never mind sending my congratulations now.
Admittedly, I sometimes have similar problems with Facebook. Sometimes there is too much going on with too many people. Other times, I miss that one status update that explains everything and I have no idea what the person is talking about until I go back and check it out. The good news is that I can do that. I can check up on people if I haven't heard from them in a while. (Yes, I am SPYING on all of you!) In all seriousness, I like knowing what is going on in the lives of people I care about and I like being able to share my life with them.
While I am sincere, that reason for using Facebook is sort of...superficial. Yes, it is fun and informative and entertaining. But really, it is not always about really connecting with people on a personal level. So, why bother?
My answer comes from something my dad said. He told me that he had never really felt the need to stay in touch with people outside of the family. He said "If we stay true to the faith, we will see each other again. If we don't, we won't want to see each other." I thought about that a lot. I tried to imagine what it would be like in the Celestial Kingdom. What would it be like to look for someone and not find them? What would the reunion be like if we were there together?
There is a beautiful scene in the Book of Mormon that illustrates a taste of that experience. Alma and his friends, the sons of Mosiah, had been terribly rebellious and caused all kinds of trouble. An angel appeared to them, commanding them to stop harassing the people of God. After that they were all converted and went their separate ways, trying to make up for their mistakes and bring others unto Christ. After 14 years, they are unexpectedly reunited. ( Alma 17:2, 27:17-18)
Now these sons of Mosiah were with Alma at the time the angel first appeared unto him; therefore Alma did rejoice exceedingly to see his brethren; and what added more to his joy, they were still his brethren in the Lord; yea, and they had waxed strong in the knowledge of the truth; for they were men of a sound understanding and they had searched the scriptures diligently, that they might know the word of God.
Now the joy of Ammon was so great even that he was full; yea, he was swallowed up in the joy of his God, even to the exhausting of his strength; and he fell again to the earth. Now was not this exceeding joy? Behold, this is joy which none receiveth save it be the truly penitent and humble seeker of happiness.
What has always touched me about this story is that they weren't just happy to see each other because they were old friends. They were happy because they had stayed true to the commandments. They had grown and changed for the better. They were happy to see the men that they had become.
Now, you might be wondering what this has to do with Facebook. I will explain. In the past year or so, I have reconnected with people I haven't' seen or heard from in as much as 20 years. (Can I really be old enough to say that?) More than once I have sat at my computer reading over someone's Info and found myself crying tears of joy as I read. Sometimes it is because they were teetering on the edge when I last saw them and are now firmly on the right path. Other times it is just knowing that they are still doing what they should be doing. One of my friends has joined the church. I wept when I saw that.
Other times I have felt sadness. I have friends who are no longer active members of the church. There are those who have struggled with substance abuse, divorce, health problems, death of loved ones, the list goes on. Sometimes I am amazed at how they have handled themselves and take strength from their example. Other times I am frustrated and disappointed. A few I would like to give a good smack in the head!
It isn't that I am judging them or turning up my nose at them. I feel sad for them. I have often thought What if this was it? What if today, right now, we were all judged and given our reward or punishment according to the choices we are making right now? Where would we be? Would some of my friends be lost to me? Or would we rejoice together, as Alma and his friends did?
This might seem like a depressing line of thought but it isn't. I see it more like watching a Marathon. Some are doing fine and you know they will make it. You have plans to meet at the finish-line and you know they will be there. Others are struggling and need some encouragement. You worry that they might drop out. If they do, you know they will miss out. They will regret it. The race isn't over yet. There is plenty of time to make it to the finish line. There is no "winning" in this race, only finishing.
I have been told that (if we make it) we will be so happy in the Celestial Kingdom that we won't even notice the people who are missing. I don't believe that. Not completely. I think we will know that God's judgment is fair but I think we will know that some of our loved ones didn't make the right choices and we will feel... something. Sad, disappointed, we will miss them.
President David O. McKay explained,
Whenever any person dies, the virtue of love will persist, and if any inquirer believes in the immortality of the soul, or in the persistence of personality after death, he must admit that love will also persist. The injunction of the Savior [is] to love our neighbor as ourselves. But if earthly things are typical of heavenly things, in the spirit world we shall recognize our loved ones there and know them as we loved them here.
To me, this means that our feelings won't change just because we have died. We will probably hang out with the same people there as we do here. We will want to be with the same people. If someone is missing, what will we say to each other? "Remember What's-His-Name? He had such a great sense of humor. I really liked him. Oh, well, too bad for him." I know, we all have to choose for ourselves. We are accountable for our own choices. But who would you want there with you? And who would you miss?
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