Gates And Doors

By Joyce Kilmer

There was a gentle hostler

(And blessed be his name!)

He opened up the stable

The night Our Lady came.

Our Lady and Saint Joseph,

He gave them food and bed,

And Jesus Christ has given him

A glory round his head.

So let the gate swing open

However poor the yard,

Lest weary people visit you

And find their passage barred;

Unlatch the door at midnight

And let your lantern's glow

Shine out to guide the traveler's feet

To you across the snow.

 

There was a courteous hostler

(He is in Heaven to-night)

He held Our Lady's bridle

And helped her to alight;

He spread clean straw before her

Whereon she might lie down,

And Jesus Christ has given him

An everlasting crown.

Unlock the door this evening

And let your gate swing wide,

Let all who ask for shelter

Come speedily inside.

What if your yard be narrow?

What if your house be small?

There is a Guest is coming

Will glorify it all.

 

There was a joyous hostler

Who knelt on Christmas morn

Beside the radiant manger

Wherein his Lord was born.

His heart was full of laughter,

His soul was full of bliss

When Jesus, on His Mother's lap,

Gave him His hand to kiss.

 

Unbar your heart this evening

And keep no stranger out,

Take from your soul's great portal

The barrier of doubt.

To humble folk and weary

Give hearty welcoming,

Your breast shall be to-morrow

The cradle of a King.

Superpowers 101: Making Choices

The past few weeks have been...um...hellish.
In the past month the following things have broken in some way:

1. My sewing machine
2. Big Screen TV
3. Transmission in our Suburban
4. Several drinking glasses
5. Dishwasher
6. Washing Machine
7. Dryer
8. Cover on the back of the toilet
9. Cookies

The following illnesses have inflicted some members of the household:
1. Flu
2. Conjunctivitis
3. Strep
4. Flu, again
5. Common Cold
6. Various cuts, scrapes and bruises

My Kindergarten has been kicked off the bus twice for hitting his seat partner.
My daughter is being bullied by her classmates
My twins have been officially diagnosed with ADHD
I have been hoarding serious amounts of stress in my neck!

Not to mention rain, shopping, Christmas stuff, sleepless nights, dirty dishes, clean clothes being put back in the dirty laundry because someone touched them, mountains of laundry to be washed or folded (either way it is a mountain!)

I have been asking myself why this is happening. WHY?! I have pleaded with heaven to explain to me the reasons for my torture! What did I do to deserve this?! Show me my mistakes and I promise, I PROMISE, to NEVER EVER do those things again!!! (Imagine a sobbing emoticon here)

During this time I have also been working on the program for Christmas Day. I have spent a lot of time thinking about Mary and Joseph. What did they go through? They had been visited by angels! Then Joseph had to go off to get taxed in Bethlehem.

Did they pray about this trip? Is that why Mary went along instead of having her special baby at home with her family? Were there other factors?

Let's say they did get assurance that she should go with him. They get to Bethlehem and can't find a place to stay. Then "Oh great, I'm in labor. Now what?" Did they wonder if they had made a mistake along the way? Did they ask why?

How did they feel when the Messiah was born in an animal stall? Did it break their hearts to place him in the manger because there was no where else to lay him? Did they have any self doubt?

All these things happened for a reason. They were part of God's plan, not a punishment. Did Mary and Joseph know this?

Thinking of them helped me put my own trials into perspective. As I thought of this lesson I asked once again "Did I bring this misery on myself? Did I make some choice that led me to this?" I was humbled by the realization that the answer is yes.

I did make a decision that brought me sorrow and pain and suffering. But it also brought peace and joy and love. I chose to follow Jesus Christ. I chose Heavenly Father's great plan of happiness, the plan that included mortality. I chose this mortal life of trials and temptations, suffering and sorrow. Was it a hard choice? Did I really know what I was getting into? How could I?

Now that I am here, experiencing all that life has to offer, both bitter and sweet, do I choose it still? More importantly, do I still choose Him?

Yes. YES!!! I do! Choosing Christ means choosing the path that will make me strongest. It means choosing the path that will lead me home. It means choosing the hard times. Knowing I chose Him once means I can do it again. I can face my challenges secure in the hope that I am making the right choices. It also gives me new perspective. I see these challenges a little differently. I see that I can choose how I deal with them. I also see that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will help me through them.

I also see Christmas differently. I see it not only as a celebration of the birth of our Savior but as a fulfillment of the plan. I see it as the begining of hope for all of us. In that precious moment our chance for eternal life was born.

"Joy to the world! The Lord is come!"

Superwoman's Weaknesses: Pity Parties

I have been trying to throw myself a pity party.

Really.

I have tried and tried but I just can't seem to do it.

Each time something new goes wrong (which is a minimum of once a day)I try really hard to feel sorry for myself.

I think horrible things like "This never would have happened if I hadn't been watching TV."

Or "I deserve this because I am such a terrible mother."

Or "If I read my scriptures more this stuff wouldn't be happening to me."

How about "If I were thinner I wouldn't have this problem."

"Nobody cares about me!"

"I am such a failure!"




Now, I might think these things for a little while. I might skulk around the house snarling at the kids for up to a few hours. But it just doesn't stick.

My home teacher show up.

I get a call or email from a friend out of the blue.

A scripture comes to mind that tells me the exact opposite of what I am telling myself.

I force myself to go to church and people ask how I am doing and help me with my kids and make me feel like the most loved person in the world.

Occasionally I simply get a little internal reprimand like "Knock it off! You know better! Now suck it up and get busy. You have work to do."

Those are some of my favorite moments. I kind of like a good butt-kickin' pep talk once in a while.

Sometimes I think I might be kind of fishing for compliments in those down moments. Could it be that I am in need of a little attention and that is why I get sulky and moody?

Maybe once in a while but usually I try to hide those moments from the world. My kids might see them more often than I care to acknowledge but other people are hopefully oblivious.

Once in a rare while I can't quite keep it in.

I was having one of those moments tonight. I had made cookies for the ward Christmas party and put them into the freezer so the frosting would set. When I opened the door a few moment later the cookies came crashing out to the floor and broke.

Let's just say that was the cookie that broke the camel's back. The dam that held back all the intensity and pressure of the past few weeks crumbled like those cookies and I LOST IT!!!

I was actually having a pretty good day before that happened. I had made the most amazing rolls ever! My kids actually got to go play outside.

Now I was sobbing uncontrollably. I could feel all the strain and heartache squeezing out of me like...I'll spare you from the graphic imagery. Just know that the toxic poisons were leaving and I actually felt some relief.

But as those initial flood-waters receded, I was left feeling devastated.

I decided to go to the Ward- Christmas party anyway. Several people spoke to me and asked how I was, not in a casual way but in a genuine, specific way. One person even called me "my friend" which meant so much in that lonely moment of grief. I also won a door prize.

I was going to skip the party. I was going to watch Glee for hours and ignore my kids and wallow in the fact that I am a total loser. I could so easily have thrown a HUGE and amazing pity party.

But I didn't. My kids and the Spirit and my ward family just wouldn't let me!

Christmas Favorites

December is here and the countdown to Christmas is quickly winding down. This is the time of year when we embrace traditions. Here are a few of my seasonal favorites.

Food

1. Ginger Cookies. It seems everyone has a recipe similar to this one. I like to add red and green sugar sprinkles when I roll them in sugar. It gives them a festive touch. I only make them around Christmas time.

2. Sugar Cookies. I have a confession: I hate making sugar cookies. We make them once and when they are gone, that's the end. I make a huge batch and spend all day doing it so we have enough to last a while. My Grandma Wilson made sugar cookies every year and I loved eating them. I make them for the kids to help them have memories a wonderful as mine. That is true love!

3. Oyster Stew. This is a Wilson family tradition. I haven't had it in years. When I was growing up, my family would get together every Christmas Eve and eat bowls full of this warm, oyster and butter-flavored milk with pepper and saltines. I don't think the oyster stew was really the important part of the tradition; it was sitting around the table laughing, talking, and just being together.

4. Brach's Peppermint nougat This is my all-time favorite candy. I can easily eat bags of them if I am not careful.

5. Red Velvet Cake. Another of my Grandma's holiday treats. I have carried this tradition to my family. We have a cake with homemade cream cheese frosting every year. As an added touch, I like to color a little frosting and make holly leaves with red-hots for the berries.

Music

1. Amy Grant. I have "Christmas Album", "Home For Christmas", and "A Christmas To Remember". I have always enjoyed her Christmas music. My kids like it too.

2. Bing Crosby. "White Christmas" is the true legacy of this man, although he has some fun Christmas songs like "Christmas in Killarney" and  "Mele Kalikimaka".

3. Jim Reeves. I had not heard of this artist until I got married. My husband had a Christmas CD that I have come to love.

4. The Forgotten Carols. This part of a unique Christmas story. I like that it focuses on non-traditional aspects of the Christmas story like the inn keeper and Anna, the woman at the temple.

Books

1. Skipping Christmas by John Grisham. My husband gave me this as a Christmas present the year it was published. I read it right away and loved it. I was thrilled to see it was being made into a movie, "Christmas With The Kranks",  which I also enjoy each Christmas.

2. The Autobiography of Santa Claus  by Jeff Guinn. I read this a few years ago. It is historical fiction about the history of Christmas celebration. I found it so engaging that I forgot Santa wasn't real!!

3. Santa Calls  by William Joyce. This is a children's book about the true spirit of the season. It has a very sweet message.

4. Christmas Alphabet by Robert Sabuda. He is an amazing artist whose books are all pup-ups. I only have this one (which no one is allowed to touch without me!) He has created several Christmas books.

5. The Bible, of course. There would be no Christmas story without it. You can't go wrong with reading the story straight from the source. Try reading the passages listed under "Jesus Christ; Birth of" in the Topical Guide.

Movies

1. White Christmas. I didn't see this until I was grown. It can be a little boring in places (it has some annoying songs and modern dance numbers that I could do without.) The storyline is interesting and sweet. I enjoy movies that remind me of ideals and hope.

2. It's A Wonderful Life. So wonderful and uplifting. It reminds me that every life is important and that you never know what someone else is going through.

3. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. This is a guilty pleasure. It is so funny but kind of crude in places. I watch it at least once every year. I can't help it! I just need a good life sometimes!

4. Christmas In Connecticut. Our librarian in Belgium recommended this. It is funny but you have to pay attention. It isn't like modern movies that you can watch while you do other things and not miss much. This movie also reminds me that stress and pressure during the holidays are not new issues.

5. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. This is one of the classics. I like this one the best. I like "Jack Frost" too.

6. How The Grinch Stole Christmas. The old, cartoon version is wonderful. The newer, live-action one is dumb. Sometimes, less really is more. I like this because there are many stories that say "we can't have Christmas without Santa and presents". The Grinch says the opposite.

7. The Night They Saved Christmas This was my favorite when I was a child. My kids have already watched it several times this year.

8. The Santa Claus. The first is the best but I like the whole Santa Claus series.

9. An American Christmas Carol. This is one of my husband's favorite Christmas movies. It is a nice adaptation of the classic. We also like this 1984 version of A Christmas Carol.

10. Miracle On 34th Street. I love the older version of this movie. The newer one has some redeeming qualities, too.

Here is the link for the Christmas page on lds.org. It has lots of great ideas, videos, music and stories to help keep the true meaning of Christmas alive in our homes.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Chriatms Celebration!

A Season of Miracles

Christmas is a wondrous time of the year for many of us. It is a time of beautiful music, lights, giving to those less fortunate, and being with family. There are countless stories of quiet acts of love and generosity. There are also stories of changed hearts and changed lives.

As I thought back over the 30+ years that I have celebrated Christmas, I thought of all the moments that touched my heart. I realized that many of the moments that have helped build my testimony of Jesus Christ have happened during this time of year. Some are personal and I have decided not to share them at this time. But there is one that always comes to mind. I would like to share it now.

It was December 1986. My mother was expecting her 6th child. I knew in my heart that this would be my last chance to have a sister. I prayed from the time my parents told me about that baby that it would be a girl. I knew that there would be a significant age gap but I was feeling a little desperate at being the only girl in the family.

As Christmas grew near, another desire surfaced. I wanted a white Christmas. Growing up in the foothills of North Carolina meant that Christmas was usually cold but it had not snowed during Christmas in my lifetime. I had learned the song "White Christmas" and now I wanted to have that experience for myself. I began to pray that it would snow for Christmas.

As the day approached, we experienced unusually warm days. My faith wavered. I didn't believe that Heavenly Father would change the weather patterns so drastically to satisfy my childish wish. So, I changed my request a little. I prayed that it would snow near Christmas. We usually took down our decorations around the 1st of January so that was my deadline: Snow by New Year's Day.

Christmas Day came and went. There were presents and goodies and family and school vacation. There was no snow. The dreary winter-scape was brown and gray. The magic of the Christmas season was rapidly dissipating. I was letting go of my hope for snow, believing that my prayer was too petty to be answered.

New Year's Eve, my cousin Carrie came over to spend the night. We stayed up until Midnight and threw cereal into the air to celebrate. We slept on the fold-out sofa in the living room. I went to sleep with one last plea for snow, though not expecting it to be granted.

The next morning, Carrie woke up before I did. I remember the moment as if it happened yesterday. She sat up, rubbed her eyes, and said "Amy, it snowed." I shot up from the bed in complete astonishment. I stared out the large front window at a world of glistening white. Delicate flakes were falling from the sky. I couldn't believe it! It had worked! My prayer had been answered!

We spent the day playing in the snow, having pancakes for breakfast, hot chocolate and pretending to be at a glamorous sky resort. By that evening the snow had melted. I fell asleep that night more content than I had ever been in my life.

This experience gave me renewed hope that I would soon have a baby sister. After all, I had been praying for that for years. I now knew that Heavenly Father heard and answered prayers so he would answer that one also.

April 1, April Fool's Day of all days, my brother Daniel was born. I was devastated. I cried and screamed and threw a world-class tantrum. Not exactly the reaction parents want when they have a new baby. I was so angry with my Heavenly Father for not giving me this one thing that I wanted so desperately. Was it really too much to ask?

Yet I knew that he was there. I knew he loved me. I knew that he heard my prayers. I knew he answered them, even requests as simple and insignificant as a little snow. I knew that he had granted that wish to teach me this lesson. I knew that he had heard my prayers for a sister but he was saying "No". Whatever his reasons were, I could not have that particular desire of my heart.

I still wish I had a sister. I still don't know exactly why I didn't get at least one. I have some theories. But they don't really matter. What matters is that wonderful experience that laid such a firm foundation for my testimony. Because of that one-day sprinkling of snow, I learned that my Father in Heaven is real. He is not a distant, aloof being who doesn't care about the affairs of mankind. He is a loving, ever-present Father. He loves each of his children and wants them to be happy. He reaches out to them, no matter their age or their place in the world. Each one of us is precious to him. I also learned that we don't always get what we want. That doesn't mean he loves us less.

To this day, I am awed by that experience. In fact, it might mean more to me now than it did 23 years ago. When I think of the "tender mercies" that our Father grants us, I think if this moment. I am humbled that he would care so much about a 10 year old girl that he would answer her prayer in such an obvious way. I am humbled that he knew how devastated I would be a few months from that day when my brother was born and took steps to reassure me ahead of time. I am even more humbled that he would know my needs so well that he would provide me with a Savior to bear my burdens and atone for my sins.

At this time of year, as we remember and celebrate the humble and lowly birth of the Lord, let us also remember the many things He has done for us. Let us remember those small and simple blessings that have brought about such great change in our lives. I am so grateful for the opportunity each year to reflect on these moments and remember the great love my Father in Heaven has for me. 

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Gifts:Part 2

Giving a gift can be tricky. If we want to give gift that is useful and meaningful, we must know  the receiver and their needs. Sometimes we receive gifts that we know are given with the best of intentions. But what do we do with them?

Several years ago, my husband was deployed to Bosnia. When he came home, he brought me several gifts, including a large decorated wooden box. It was beautiful but it was too large for our limited shelf space. I put it on the very top of our entertainment center, the only place with enough room but too far up to really appreciate it or use it.

My husband was disappointed. He had been selective about what to get me and thought I didn't like it. I tried to explain why I put it out of the way. He suggested I use it as a jewelry box or a recipe box. I made excuses. I already had a jewelry box and I didn't want it in the kitchen where it might get dirty or damaged. He let it go but I knew he was disappointed.

Soon we moved to another duty station. Our quarters had even less space for displaying out treasures and the box ended up in a closet shelf. I did make more effort to use if, putting photos and other small momentoes in the box. But it was out of sight and, usually, out of mind.

We moved again. I still had not forgotten my husband's gift and made more effort to use the box. I decided he was right about the jewelry box. I transferred my things into the box and got rid of the other one. Now I had the box on my dresser, in plain view. I had to open it every time I needed a pair of earrings and when I put them away later. I thought of my husband every time I walked into the room and saw the box. I remembered his gift for me. I remembered that it was a gift of love, something he thought I needed wanted me to use.

I didn't appreciate my husband's gift right away. It took effort on my part. It was for me, not him. He had given it to me and wasn't going to take it back. He wanted me to use it but didn't force me to do anything with it. If that gift sat on a shelf for the rest of my life, unused and neglected, that was my choice. Once I made the effort to use it, I couldn't imagine life without it.

There are other gifts that could fit into this scenario. The most important is the gift of our Savior's Atonement. Just like my box, the Atonement is given freely for us to use but we must make the effort. We must choose to give it a prominent place in our lives, something we can not imagine life without. It is a gift of love, given freely because it is something we need. It is not forced upon us, nor is it taken back if we don't use it. Making the Atonement an integral part of our daily lives takes effort and thought. The more we apply it in our lives, the more meaning it has for us. It becomes a constant reminder of the love our Heavenly Father and his Son have for us.

My wooden box is not the only one ever made. There are similar boxes available to tourists all over Europe. Does that make mine less special? No. My box is for me and me alone. It would not have the same value for anyone else. Neither is my relationship with the Savior any less unique because he is the Savior of all.

During this holiday season, when we are giving and receiving gifts, I hope that we can all remember the true meaning of that tradition. I hope that whatever gifts we accept and use, the Atonement will be the one we use the most.

Gifts: Part 1

Christmas. The Season of Giving. The time of year when people should be thinking of love and peace and the Savior. The time of year when we are ACTUALLY running around like crazy, greedy, insane people trying to buy the "perfect gift" for every person on our much too long shopping list. Not to mention the cooking and parties and decorations and everything else that makes this holiday a contradiction.

When I was a child I LOVED Christmas. There was a wonderful feeling in the air. There was excitement and happiness, family togetherness, service projects, flexing my creative muscles, beautiful music. I could go on and on. For some reason the past several years have been lacking in these warm and happy feelings. One reason is the chaos I have already described. Somehow, no matter what I do, I find myself too exhausted and stressed to enjoy the holiday. I know I am not the only one.

I have been blaming this stress on a number of issues but I will tell you about one; gift-giving. There have been times when finding the perfect gift, carefully wrapping it, eagerly waiting for the recipient to open it, the thrill of seeing that expression of happiness, was as exciting and fulfilling for me as anything else I do. I took great pleasure from choosing something special for family and friends. It made me happy to make them happy. What happened?

One downer I have already talked about, ingratitude. My efforts sometimes seemed wasted as I accepted a hurried "thanks' and was shoved aside to make way for something else. I know I have done the same thing to others. I have even regretted not taking just a moment to be more genuine in my thanks, not appreciating the gift in the moment but later, after the dust settled.

Years ago I read a book called "All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten". It is a collection of essays by Robert Fulghum. One was about how he had completely overlooked all the Christmas cards he had received and ended up reading them in July. He talked about how he had been too rushed and busy to share in his friends lives and accept their love for him and his family. At the time , I thought it was ridiculous. How could someone be so busy with things that don't really matter in the long run?

Twenty years later, I was in his shoes, wondering why no one told be about a new baby or surgery or moving to a new home. I realized that all that information had been in the cards I had quickly read and put out of my mind. It wasn't that no one told me. I wasn't listening.

"How could this happen to me?" I asked over and over. "I should know better." I realized that a lot of the stress was self imposed. I was the one stressing over presents. I was the one trying to hurry and get things shipped before the deadline. I was the one making enough food to feed an army.

My first taste of how far off course I had gotten was when I was helping the kids with a Christmas list. As their wishes became more elaborate and the list got longer, I felt the weight of it crushing me. I started to lecture them about wanting too much and being selfish. I said emphatically "You are not going to get everything you want, you know." My oldest son said calmly, "I know. That's okay. I didn't get everything I wanted last year either. "

I was startled by his matter-of-fact statement. "What did you want that you didn't get?" I asked, feeling a little bit like a disappointment to my child. "I don't remember what I wanted last year. That's why it's okay. I won't remember what I wanted anyway."

I don't know when I have ever been more proud of my son...or more ashamed of myself. I was the one getting caught up in the hype and commercialism of Christmas. I was the one who had asked them what they wanted in the first place. I had taught my children that Christmas was about Santa and presents and cookies and pies. I had been the one to neglect the true meaning and spirit of the season.

I have not yet found my balance when it comes to Christmas. My husband and I talk about what we should do differently. So far, we have made minor changes. Every year is another chance for change. We are hoping this year will be different. If nothing else, I want to be different this year. I want to let go of the pressure to create the "perfect Christmas" as the world describes it. I hope that I can create for my family a more genuine Christmas experience.