Life Is A Battlefield

Life is a battlefield. (Doesn't that sound like a Pat Benatar song?) Seriously, though, I sometimes feel like I have spent my day fighting an unseen enemy, dropping into bed exhausted, only to wake up and do it all over again the next morning. Too dramatic? I think not.

During my first year of early-morning seminary, we studied the Book of Mormon. Our teacher got really excited about the so-called war chapters. He kept telling us that we were preparing for our own battles. He even went so far as to print T-shirts that said "Statesville Pre-Battle School" for us to wear as a seminary class. It felt a little much at the time but not exactly wrong either.

More than 20 years later, I see it. I see the war between good and evil raging around me. We have been warned for centuries that this day would come. Were we prepared?

It seems that some of these evils are so subtle, so unassuming, that they sneak up on us. We turn around and there they are, ready to strike.

I was feeling burdened by these thoughts last fall. I was feeling anxious about sending my children out into that battlefield. I wanted to keep them home, safe and hidden from the horrors of "war". Yet I struggled. How could they be a force for good if they were locked away in our fortress? How could we possibly defeat the enemy if we didn't go out to meet it?

This is where my mind was during Stake Conference in September 2013. The closing speaker was President Micheal Hamilton. He started talking about the rescue at Dunkirk. Suddenly, my mind was not on his talk but my own concerns for my children. My thoughts were filled with images and ideas as though they were being poured into me. Here is what I wrote in my notes:

We get injured and dirty in the fight against evil but we are on the winning side. We will heal, we will be clean again but we must fight. We can't hide in our pristine caves in the hopes of remaining unharmed and undamaged.

I kept remembering the Stripling Warriors. They were young men who chose to help defend their homes and freedoms. After one difficult battle, we learn

...there were two hundred, out of my two thousand and sixty, who had fainted because of the loss of blood; nevertheless, according to the goodness of God, and to our great astonishment, and also the joy of our whole army, there was not one soul of them who did perish; yea, and neither was there one soul among them who had not received many wounds. Alma 57:25 (emphasis added)

All were wounded but none were lost. I felt some-what reassured but I was still struggling with my fears and shortcomings. How could I ensure that my children would be able to survive this war? Another scripture came to mind.

...we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins. 2 Nephi 25:26 (emphasis added)

That was it. The solution to my problem was already in place. I felt peace. Still a little afraid but no longer overwhelmed.

I have thought of this experience often in the past year. This month, the Ensign included an article about protecting our children against pornography. The first few paragraphs were so close to my experience that I had chills!

This past weekend we had Stake Conference again. In his closing remarks, President Hamilton said "Filth splashes on all of us. He doesn't care how pretty it is as long as we get back to him."

I used to think that if we were keeping the commandments, trying our best to do what is right, we would be safe from the spiritual dangers of this world. Now I know better. There may have been a time when it was easier to avoid the splash of filth. Not now, not today as we are preparing for the second coming of Christ. 

But that is no reason to loose hope. Our Heavenly Father knew these days would come. He knew what trials we would face. He prepared a way for us to overcome them. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ we can all be cleaned and cured from every injury. Because of Him, there is no need to fear.

Superwoman VS "The Clique"

Middle-Aged Mormon Man wrote a post about cliques a few days ago that has got me thinking. His post focuses more on how we, as individual members, sometimes exclude non-members from our social circles. My thoughts are a little bigger.

I grew up surrounded by devotees of many faiths. There are streets in my hometown lined with churches. I doubt there is a single road without at least a small church somewhere along the way. These churches, large and small, share one commonality in my memories: welcome.

Each of those churches prominently displays a sign welcoming visitors. They show times for their Sunday School and other services. They advertise their day cares and scouts and other activities. My brothers and I were invited to more vacation bible schools than I can count! I attended many activities and services for many different reasons. I never felt that the people were going to convert me or condemn me (...okay, I can think of one really creepy VBS where they tried to get my brother to speak in tongues but that was an exception!) For the most part, I was a welcome visitor. The people were friendly and kind.

Why can't we be like that?

I think Mormons feel such deep devotion to our beliefs that we often trip over ourselves! When a non-member shows up we either overwhelm them with our efforts or ignore them in our attempts to "play it cool". Of course, some of us have found that happy medium (I don't think I am one of them!) but we can't expect those few to do all the work.

I have thought about this a lot. I think it takes practice to be welcoming without slipping into the extremes. So, how do we practice?

I have long believed that our meeting houses should be more inviting. Not the building itself but the activities. Why aren't we advertising our scouting programs to the community? "Outsiders" are welcome and the scout budget covers dues and supplies for ALL participants. This could be a great advantage to communities that have low-income families who want to participate but can't afford it.

What about Relief Society meetings? I have a deep belief that the sisters in Relief Society are meant to be shining examples in this darkening world. I know, KNOW, that there are many women who need our steady courage in the face of so much pressure to be wicked. Yet we keep our meetings to ourselves.

Couldn't we invite other children to our Primary and youth activities? With a VBS and AWANA on every corner, why are our activities exclusive?

What about our Halloween parties, Christmas parties and Easter egg hunts?

I know that there are certain logistical issues when planning activities. I know about budgets and head counts and supply shortages. Those are so lame in the eternal scheme of things! Are we really going to look at some one in the afterlife and say "We would have invited you but we were on a tight budget."? I certainly don't want to say "It would have been extra work."!!!!!

I know we can individually invite people to stuff, and I do. I try to make is seem so normal, almost expected that they would want to come and I have managed to shrug it off when they say no. I no longer feel the rejection I once felt. But I still feel it is not enough.

I feel, deeply, that it is the duty of those who have been blessed with the gospel to invite others. We are ambassadors, hosts, guides. It seems we should not be hoarding the blessing of the gospel for ourselves but proclaiming them to everyone we meet.

What would it take, really?

Planning.

Consistency.

Time.

Effort.

Courage.

Sticktoitivness.

Can we do it?  Yes. Will we?

I think the reasons we keep to ourselves are the same old boring ones: fear, self-consciousness, laziness, human weakness,...

Imagine, just for a moment, what we could accomplish if we could only overcome these.

Superpowers 101: Adventurousness

My husband says I'm adventurous because I am not afraid to try new things. Or even old things that I was not great at before.

Like making loaves of bread. I can make great rolls but I have never managed an acceptable loaf. Until today!  Here is the recipe.

Fresh, homemade Honey-Wheat bread! I can't believe how big it got!

 Last summer we had a bounteous crop of strawberries so I tried making jam for the first time. I tried a few different variations (all from recipes) and found one that I really liked. Today, I tried making mixed berry jam with strawberries, blackberries, raspberries and blueberries. I was nervous, I admit it. But my adventurousness paid off again! YUM!!!



Fresh, home-made mixed berry jam. It turned out AMAZING!!!

 Here is the recipe I used for the jam. I just crushed all the fruit and measured out 4 cups. I also cooked it for just a few minuted then strained it to remove the seeds and skins. It took a little more time but it is SO good!!!

Ignorance Is NOT Bliss...Or Is It?

Deployments are hard. They are stressful and put random strains on you that you don't expect. There is also a Murphy's Law that if something can go wrong it will happen during a deployment.


Now, I don't really put much stock in such superstitions. I think stuff will happen no matter what. It is just more upsetting when you are shouldering the burdens alone.

We are now about 2 months into this relatively short deployment. And it is holiday season. The kids and I wanted a break. We discussed it and decided to spend Thanksgiving with my family in North Carolina. My husband was not thrilled about this idea. We discussed it. A lot. Sometimes after we talked I had such a feeling of foreboding that I didn't even want to leave the house! The decision was still unmade the morning we planned to leave. I mean, we had packed and stopped the mail and newspaper and done everything as if we were going but I wasn't going anywhere until I was sure of what to do and I just wasn't.

I had prayed about it a few times and was still coming up blank. I even wondered if I was being like Joseph Smith and the 116 lost pages, asking over and over when the answer was no. But I hadn't really gotten a no either.

So, that morning, I gathered the kids together and discussed the situation. I explained that there was going to be some possible bad weather. I explained that one of them had been sick just the day before and the others might get sick on the trip if it was going around like it does in big families. I told them we could go for Christmas instead. We all wanted to go now. We all wanted to spend Christmas in our own home. So we prayed again.

I remember at some point that morning pleading for assurance that either decision was best. I was so torn and I really needed an answer either way. I silently asked if we would be safe. Suddenly I had the assurance I was seeking. Yes, we would be safe.

That was good enough for me. We loaded up the care and headed out. It rained for the first half of the trip. Normally I hate driving in rain. I hate being a passenger in heavy rain! But this time I was fine. I was cheerful. I drove right through the storm without feeling stressed out at all. We got beyond the storm and headed on to my parents house.

We enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving with cousins and grandparents, aunts and uncles. I got to hold one of the newest members of the family. All the kids played really well the whole time. I talked a lot with my dad and my brother who had flown in from Utah. My grandmother had the great-granddaughters over for a sleepover, just like when I was a kid and spent the night with my cousins there. And on the other side of the family all 20 of the great-grandchildren were together for the first time and were able to take a picture together with their great-grandmother. My oldest son played football with his second cousins and had a great time. We were treated to a mini concert by my cousin's daughter on her tiny cello and her dad let all the little kids try it out (My kids LOVED it!!!) I spent some time with my mom and sister-in-law shopping on Black Friday. And I came home with lots of Christmas presents to go under our tree!

I had planned to drive home on Monday. The extended forecast had shown rain on Monday and Tuesday so I considered leaving Sunday. When my youngest woke up Saturday with an eye infection I considered it again. Honestly, I wasn’t quite ready to go back to real life. There was now a slow-moving winter storm coming right across our path home. If I waited it out we wouldn't leave until Wednesday or Thursday. I decided to go on Monday as planned. I felt uncertain about what to do but I didn't know why. I did think of asking my dad to check out the Suburban for me but I felt kind of silly. We had done a lot of work to it and there was nothing to suggest that anything was wrong. Well, I had to add a gallon of coolant on the way there so I had been keeping an eye on that. I even checked it before I left and bought 2 gallons to keep with me just in case but it was fine.

The first part of the trip was great we had pretty good weather and made good time to Knoxville, TN. That is about half way for us. We stopped for lunch at McDonalds and I let the kids play for about an hour. We filled up the tank and started back on I-40. At which point I couldn't go above 50mph and the RPM's shot up to 5!!! I didn’t know what was wrong so I pulled over and checked for a flat tired or parking brake but everything looked okay. I went on to the next exit and got off. We drove around for a few minutes looking for a place to park so I could use the GPS to find a mechanic. I saw a lube shop and stopped there. The man was VERY nice and said they could take a look and either fix it or tell us where to take it.

First, they found a bad leak in the transmission line. Apparently it had been cut and sliced with rubber hose which was not good enough. They replaced it with a metal pipe and assured me that it would last for a while. But after adding 5 quarts of fluid it still wouldn't shift into third gear. They said the upper gears were bad and I should put it in2nd gear to drive. "Don't go above 45 and you should be fine." They suggested the interstate because it would be the straightest, shortest route and limit more wear on the gears.

We had 225 miles to go. It was raining pretty hard. 45 isn't bad in those conditions. We drove about 2 hours before it was dark and clear... and 70 mph. We were stopped by a state trooper. He wasn't very helpful but said that if I got off at the next exit I could take a highway that ran parallel to the interstate “for a while". We crawled along to the exit and got something to eat. Well, the kids ate. I was too upset to eat. I bought a map (since GPS can be really stupid!) and took that highway to the next town, about 20 miles. The clerk that sold me the map said there was nothing after that. (He turned out to be right!)

We got a hotel in Cookesville. I didn't want to try the unfamiliar roads at night, in bad weather with a flood watch out. I couldn't risk being stuck in the middle of nowhere with 7 kids. I didn't sleep well. But we got a free breakfast and I was able to email my husband. (Did I mention he's deployed?) Until this point I had considered getting it fixed, even if we had to stay a few days. That didn't quite seem like the best idea (think of keeping 7 kids entertained without a car... and did I mention the winter storm? No exactly walking weather!) I did a quick search for "rebuild transmission cost" and saw that the top few results were around 2000-2500.

Okay, never mind. I guess we will keep going. I prayed a lot that morning. I felt like we should stop by the dealership that the GPS had shown. I talked to the guy about cost, time, and how to get home in 2nd gear. He basically confirmed everything I already knew but at least that was reassuring. He and another guy said the highway I had taken to get there would go all the way to Nashville and I should have no trouble getting home if I took it slow. I also asked about a 9 passenger vehicle, just in case. The guy made some suggestions but didn't have one. I decided to keep going. Before I even got out of town my husband called. He made more suggestion, mainly to go slow (about 35) and add some Transmedic to protect what was left of the transmission. I went right back to the place across from the dealer and the guys there put some stuff in it for me.

We drove down this quiet, scenic country road for hours. I tried to stay around 30 mph. I did NOT want to ruin that gear! We made slow and steady progress. We stopped for lunch at another McDonalds and the kids played for a while. I bought more maps and called a few people from our ward to make sure I was looking at the right roads. By then I was sure of what I was doing and where I was going. My only anxiety was whether the transmission would last until we got home.

Well, it did. We got home after driving for about 7 hours at 30 miles per hour. And the kids were ready to kill each other! (Did I mention I didn't bring a DVD player and I don't have a smart phone? We were really low-tech on this trip!)

Here are some things I learned from this:

I learned that the tender mercies of the Lord are indeed a "multitude". We were able to find good people to help us along the way. We were able to feed ourselves. We were able to travel through a very beautiful area and enjoy it because we weren't racing through it. We had some good talks and prayed together and sang Christmas songs and Primary songs. There was no quick fix. We all had to find better ways to do things. We had to put our personal comforts aside to accommodate the needs of others. We had to really look at each other and acknowledge each other. Let me tell you, it was HARD!!! I have felt for a long time that we are too selfish. Now I see that we really do need to work on that.

At one point I decided to tell some stories. The first one I picked was "The Christmas Oranges". I sobbed through the whole thing! I had been feeling really guilty about this car issue. I don't like to make mistakes. And I am not very forgiving of myself. I imagined that I was little girl, crying into my pillow thinking "I don't deserve an orange anyway!!" And yet there are always people who are very willing to make sacrifices to make it better. Especially the Savior.

And that isn't all! When I got home I had an email that told a similar story of overlooking the flaws of others. I had another with a video clip by Elder Russell M. Nelson about fear and faith. AND a friend of ours was planning to come till the garden while we were gone. I came home to trimmed bushed, racked flower beds, cut grass including the trimming, and beautifully tilled garden! It looked so great even the kids noticed!

I'm pretty sure this isn't the end of this lesson. I still feel really uncertain about the immediate future. But I have a sure hope that it will all work out.

On our way home we saw a rainbow across the road. As we drove the rainbow moved with us. Here are the pictures taken by my 10 year old daughter. You can see a double rainbow in some of the pictures. And, yes, it was raining at the time! (Oh, yeah, that is just a big stick smudge in the middle that I can't get off. Oh, well!)

Superpowers 101:Taking Action

My childen have assigned jobs that rotate every few weeks. Sometimes I ask one child to do anothers job. I know that the one who is supposed to set the table is doing something else like difficult homework and the child hanging around the kitchen has nothing to do at the moment. So I say "Will you set the table, please?" I often get a shocked look and hear "But it's not my job! My job is done! Why are you giving me more work?!" The job isn't hard. They aren't busy. They would be helping the entire family by doing this job. Why do they protest? Better yet, why didn't they see that it needed to be done and do it without being asked?


Superheros don't usually wait around for someone to tell them there is crime or danger. They see a problem and they do their best to fix it. Oh, sure, there are signals and leagues that are used in special situations but most of the time the hero just does what needs to be done. In fact, they often go out looking for trouble. And they ALWAYS find it!

Now, I have no intentions of fighting crime or joining the ranks of real heros (firefighters, police officers, paramedics, soldiers, nurses, etc.) But that doesn't mean I have nothing to do. There are people in need all around us. We can easily find something to do if we are willing to simply look and then act.

I read a recent article called "Who Is The Chruch?". I have thought about this subject a lot. The problem with an orderly organization like the church is that a destructive attitude can creep into the minds and hearts of the members. I call it Not-My-Job-Syndrome. The thought process goes something like this:

"Sister So-n-so just had a baby. I would visit her but I am not her visiting teacher."

Or "Brother What's-his-name needs help but I am not the Elder's Quorum President."

Or how about "The youth need chaperones for their activity but I don't have any kids that age."

The list could go on and on.

I do it myself. I admit it. I make excuses to avoid reaching out. Sometimes they are really lame and I know it. Other times I know that I would be stepping on someones toes and causing trouble. Sometimes I think "I will help if someone asks me." This is the attitude described in the article. And it is wrong. It is motivated by selfishness and pride.

I have a friend who is not hampered by these excuses. On more than one occasion she showed up at my door to offer exactly what I needed or simply asked me how I was doing and asked if I needed anything. I remember thinking "Why is she being nice to me? She isn't my Visiting Teacher or the Relief Society President or anything. Why would she be thinking of me?" The answers are simple. She is my sister in the gospel. She reached out because she is a loving, caring person. She has a testimony of Jesus Christ and His gospel and stives to live as He lived. She is worthy of the guidance of the Holy Ghost and follows that guidance when it comes.

I think of the parralel with my children. Sometimes the person "assigned" to a job has other things going on. (I mean, we are all human. We can't do everything!) So Heavenly Father says

"Hey, you. Can you go see this person who needs help?"

Or maybe he says "I keep asking your brother to do this and he just isn't listening. I need someone reliable. Will you do it?"

Sometimes he might say "Your sister doesn't have as much experience as you do and is struggling. Will you show her how it's done?" 

I know I have been on both sides of this. I have been inspired to act many times in many ways. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I made a mess of things. Most of the time things turned out better than I could have expected.

So why do we hesitate? Why make excuses, especailly when we know there will be blessings? I love this quote by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I don't think it is really our fear but Satan's fear. He wants us to doubt ourselves. He wants us to shrink  from the influence of the Spirit. He doesn't want us to help one another. He doesn't want us to learn and grow. He is working against us, to cause fear and doubt and insecurity.

A big question, then, is how do we know who is inspiring us? How do we know if the thoughts and ideas we are having come from God? Moroni explains it well.

Wherefore, all things which are good cometh of God; and that which is evil cometh of the devil; for the devil is an enemy unto God, and fighteth against him continually, and inviteth and enticeth to sin, and to do that which is evil continually.


But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God. ~Moroni 7:12-13 (the whole chapter is awesome!)

This has been a hard lesson for me to learn. I have to remind myself that Satan will not suggest that I do anything good. I still make excuses. I still have doubts. I also have regrets. I can easily look back and see how I might have been guided differently if I had relied more on the Spirit for guidance. Sometimes I felt like I should do something for someone but I didn't act. Then I learned that they had a need I might have been able to meet. Often it would have been simply a few words of encouragement or companionship.

Such simple things! Why don't we act more often? I think the real answer is ignorance. We don't recognize our own talents and abilities. We forget who we really are and what we are capable of. We forget why we are here. It's like Superman being afraid of being shot or Spiderman taking the stairs. When we really understand who we are...When I understand who I am and what I can do...that is when I can live up to the expectations my Heaenly Father has for me.

Superpowers 101: Sleeping Through Storms

*Update* In light of the recent deaths and destruction, I apoligize if the tone of this post seems insensitive or trite. But I do not apologize for the message. No amount of worry can protect us and it certainly won't bring us comfort. Only faith in the Lord Jesus Christ can bring the peace and comfort to overcome the trials of life, whether large or small.



http://blogs.reuters.com/mediafile/2007/07/26/perfect-storm-for-tech/



A rancher interviewed a number of men in the process of trying to find a new ranch foreman. All one man said when asked if he could do the job was, “I can sleep through the storm.” Soon after he was hired, a torrential storm came with gale-force winds and pelting rain. The rancher went to the bunkhouse and banged on the door. He couldn’t believe that the new foreman was in there sleeping. He was angry with the foreman and let words fly. The foreman responded, “I told you when you hired me that I could sleep through a storm.”



Upon inspection of the ranch, the rancher found that the animals were all taken care of, tarps covered the equipment and the haystacks, buildings were secure, everything was tied down—everything was taken care of. After riding through the night inspecting the ranch, the ranch owner understood what it meant to be able to say, “I can sleep through the storm.” ~Robert D. Hales

Tennessee and our neighboring states have recently experienced a number of "severe weather events" consisting of rain, hail, thunder, lightening, high winds, flooding, and tornadoes. The effects have ranged from soggy lawns and power outages to trees falling on homes and deaths.

These kinds of storms are scary all on their own. They have the potential to cause devastating damages. If you make a habit of watching the weather report you can get really worked up. Reporters get paid to make things interesting. "It's raining really hard" is not nearly as exciting as "We are currently experiencing torrential downpours that can potentially lead to flooded roads and dangerous conditions. PLEASE! BE CAREFUL!"

I am not saying to ignore common sense or put yourself in danger. (Reporters seem to like doing this, too. You know, standing in the rain trying not to get blown away by the gale-force winds.)

During all of this recent storm activity there were a lot of frightened people. Parents staying up all night to track the storms, kids sleeping in bathrooms and closets, families gripped with fear. REAL fear...for their lives!

I have been like that in the past. I would fret and worry and wring my hands and do everything I could to prepare and then....Nothing. Just rain and thunder. Maybe a little lightening. No damage. No downed trees. Not even kids crying in my bed. What a waste! All that serious worrying and for what?! NOTHING!!!!

I started to think this through logically. If a tornado hit our house, would it matter if I was awake before it happened?  It isn't like I can see it coming during the night. What about lightening? If the house is struck will it make a difference if I am sleeping at the time?

I decided to make a plan like those emergency fire escape plans you always hear about but never actually do. I decided to think through this whole tornado/storm scenario. If we hear sirens, where will we go? If a tree in our yard fell, where might it hit the house? What yard items might get blown away by a strong wind? I made a sort of checklist for myself. If these criteria apply, I will do X. If they don't I will not worry. Period.

I recently read a quote that put all this worry into perspective. "Worry is anticipation that the outcome will be bad. Faith is anticipation that the outcome will be good. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is knowing that whatever the outcome, it will be for our best good." ~ Unknown

Elder Neil L. Andersen said "Fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts at the same time." So when I am praying for the Lord to protect me and my family why would I spend hours shaking in my boots? If the Holy Ghost prompts me to act, then I should act. Otherwise, I should trust the that the Lord will protect us.  

That is why I have been sleeping through these recent storms. Now, if I could just apply this to the other storms in my life!

Superwoman VS Protecting Your Secret Identity

One of my favorite movies about superheroes is The Incredibles . The mother tells her kids to protect their secret identities. Their anonymity will keep them safe. At the beginning of the movie they must keep their powers secret. They are not allowed to use them at all. This causes tension and frustration. They feel isolated and different from their peers. At the end of the movie, the family is happier. They have learned to reach the proper balance between the dual roles of super and average.


I have a secret identity, too. We all do. We put on our "super suits" every day before we go out into the world. Maybe our suits are comprised of make-up and designer clothes, manicures and stylish hair-dos. Maybe they are a shield made up of our talents and accomplishments. Maybe it is just a smile. Whatever it is, our public personas have one purpose, to hide who we really are.

That is not always a bad thing. There tends to be a complete lack of hiding in our society right now. People are so quick to reveal the crude and rude in their lives. They want to get sympathy. They are addicted to the reactions they get from shocking people. The problem is that isn't the truth either. It is just another super suit.

It is not necessary to reveal everything about ourselves. In the movie, the family didn't tell everyone who they were. They didn't stop wearing masks when they were acting as superheroes. They adjusted both identities so that they didn’t have to try so hard.

When we completely hide ourselves we are lying. It doesn't feel good to lie. It causes us stress and guilt, even if we don't recognize those feelings right away. We feel the need to keep up the act. We feel lonely because no one really knows us. We get caught in a cycle that brings nothing good. So why do we do it?

Fear. We fear being rejected. We fear disappointing others. We fear criticism of our flaws. Mostly, we are afraid that if we reveal our true selves nothing will change. We might still be miserable and lonely.

It takes a great leap of faith to admit who we really are. I don't mean telling everyone our dirty, nasty secrets. I mean admitting that we need help or that we are having a hard time with something. We might be admitting to our dreams and successes. We don't need to tell everyone everything. Talking to a trusted friend or two can make all the difference. When someone shares our burdens, they become lighter.

It helps to make adjustments to our suits from time to time. Maybe we don’t want to just stop wearing it cold-turkey. Others might have the very reaction to us we want to avoid. But as we make small changes, we become comfortable with letting people see more of the real us.

There are still some secrets, some aspects of who we are, that may never be truly known to any other person. Except our Heavenly Father. We can always turn to him. He is waiting. He knows who we are and what we are. He knows our flaws and our potential. Our success is his work and glory. (See Moses 1:39) We can turn to him anytime, anywhere, in any circumstances. He is there when we need a friend and there is no one else. He is there to encourage us and guide us.

We may never hang up our super suits for good. We likely will wear them to public functions and holiday parties. That is probably a good thing. There are times when we need that protective covering. Just don’t wear it for too long.

Recognizing Your Own Super Powers

A few years ago, a friend of mine took a small step onto her soapbox. She explained to me how a certain family in our ward needed fellow-shipping. She felt they were being left out and would come to church more often if someone reached out to them. At one point she said "I think about them all the time. I am so worried about them. Why won't anyone reach out to them?!" I could see that her frustration was genuine. She really cared for this family and was deeply moved by the needs she saw.

But I found myself feeling completely unmoved. As she went on about this, I reflected on my own feelings. I had never so much as given them a second thought. I had never once felt inclined to call them up or make a special effort to get to know them better. "Huh." I thought as she continued on her mild rant "I wonder why?"

As my friend paused for breath, I said "Maybe you should do it." She started to back-pedal a little. Excuses poured out. I imagine she had been rehearsing these excuses to herself for a while. She tried to push this "responsibility" back to me. (I guess she was telling me all this so I would do it.) I had not one ounce of guilt when I said "No, I think it's your job." We talked a little and the conversation changed. But I was left feeling much, much wiser.

This was one of those so-called "lightbulb moments" for me. I realized, for the first time, that we each have "assignments" (for lack of a better word) from our Heavenly Father. What really struck me about this conversation is that I knew EXACTLY how my friend was feeling. I have felt the same frustration. I have even said the same things she was saying like "Why won't someone do this?" As she was saying this I was thinking "Duh! Because it's for you to do!" I realized how many times I had been in her shoes, full of passion and equally full of excuses.

The thing is, I believe that, deep down, we know. We each know it is an assignment, a mission, just for us. When those thoughts or feeling come, pushing us out of our comfort zones to do something out of the ordinary, we resist. We want reasons. We want assurances. We also want "Ensign moments"*. We want every step on that limb to be greeted with applause and cheers and warm-fuzzy moments.

"I gave my friend a Book of Mormon and she got baptized the next day!"

"I took a meal to a neighbor and she started sobbing because she had no food."

"I went visiting teaching once to the sister who hadn't been to church in 20 years and she came back to church and her non-member husband got baptized and they went to the temple and their sons served missions all because of my one visit."

It doesn't happen like that. When we do it for us, it doesn't work. The Lord wants us to do it for Him, not becasue He can't but because it will be SO AWESOME for us. We will learn and grow and gain so many blessings if we obey those promptings.

Sometimes, most times, there are no "Ensign Moments". If there is success, it is not through our efforts but through the Spirit of the Lord. It is a confluence of all those involved being willing and humble. In my experience, those moments come when we are not expecting them. For me, the most precious experiences are spontaneous.

I think one reason my friend was so reluctant to act on her feeling is because it would require sacrifice. As I mentioned, those kinds of promptings push us from our comfortable routines. I am reminded of the analogy of the sculptor, working the clay, scraping, twisting, taking some off and adding more. I think when I have those impressions to do something different, I resist because I know it will change me. Change can be hard, even painful sometimes. Why would I choose to do it? (Or let it be done to me, as the case may be).

Well, let me just say this: There have been times when I didn't "go and do" only to find out later the reason I had been prompted. I felt like a spoiled, selfish brat. Sometimes it was too late to fix it. I had missed the chance. There have also been times when I stumbled along, trying to do the Lord's will, awkward and insecure as I was. And...

KABLAM!!! MIRACLES!!!!

Just kidding. The results were sometimes subtle, sometimes anti-climactic, sometimes undetectable. Except in myself. I had peace. I had the assurance that I had done my part.

So, the next time you get the idea to call someone, write them a letter, bake them a cake, whatever. Just do it. See what happens. Maybe they will say "Thanks, but I don't like cake." Just tell them Heavenly Father wanted you to bring them one. You never know.







* The Ensign is a magazine published by the chruch that usually has a few personal stories of spiritual experiences

Superwoman VS Fear

October seems to be the month of scary movies and hideous monsters. I personally don't like scary movies. Sadistic psychopaths and haunted houses just don't uplift, inspire, or encourage me in any way. Why would I want them in my life?

Don't misunderstand, I know there are plenty of sickos out there. I know there is real evil. Those things are fairly easy to recognize and avoid. I have found that the most dangerous evils are the ones that are disguised.

For example, when I first became a mother I wanted the best for my kids. I wanted to do a great job and I was somewhat confident in my ability to achieve this goal. I had what I considered an adequate knowledge of human development and child care. I could change a diaper, read a story, snuggle. Anything I didn't know I could easily find out from books and magazine, friends and family, doctors and other professionals. No problem.

Reality was different. I remember sitting in the doctors office, so proud of my beautiful baby, how much he had grown and what he could do. The doctor began asking me questions like "can he pick up a small object like a raisin?" I didn't know, I thought he was too young to have something that small. "Can he go up stairs yet?" I don't know, I keep the stairs blocked. "How many times a day does he have a bowel movement?" I don't know, I don't count them.

I left the office feeling like a failure. Apparently there were all kinds of things I was supposed to be doing and keeping track of but I wasn't. It didn't get better over time. When that same child turned 4 I went through a similar humiliation. The doctor asked if her could draw shapes, cut with scissors, and jump on one foot. Each time I stared at him blankly. Who gives scissors to a 4 year old? I felt like I had been studying for a math test and was given a spelling test instead.

As I shared my mothering experiences with other moms, I found I was not alone. They were equally frustrated with whether to let their child cry or run to them every time they made a sound. Should they use store-bought baby food or make their own? How often should you bathe them, feed them, let them nap, take them outside, keep them inside, sing to them, read to them, give them quiet time, let them play on the floor, keep them off the floor, play with them, let them play alone, soothe them, teach them to self soothe, teach them, let them learn for themselves...Should I go on?

You know what I am talking about. Every suggestion has a counter suggestion. Every expert claims to be right and if you do it any other way your child will suffer...permanently. If you let your child cry  for a few minutes they will never learn to trust. If you don't they will never move out of your house. If you feed them the wrong thing or too much or too little or too soon they will become morbidly obese or become anorexic. If you scold them they will have low self esteem and become criminals. If you don't they will become spoiled and self absorbed and wind up in jail.

I could understand why so many people called parenting hard. In fact more and more say it is too hard. Who needs the hassle? Who wants that kind of responsibility? It is much easier to go to college for 8 years and become a doctor.

What I have learned is that this kind of confusion is one of the true evils of life. I believe that there is really a devil, a being who wants to destroy every happiness for mankind. Latter-Day Saints have long been cautioned to protect the family. We have been told for decades that Satan wants to destroy this sacred institution and have been given clear guidelines on how to protect it. But he is cunning. That slippery serpent uses every trick to weaken and disable families. If he can't keep you from having a child he will make you so confused, so frustrated, so AFRAID, that you won't do it again. He will manipulate  you and play on your insecurities so that you have no idea what is right. You may end up doing nothing, bringing about the very failure you wanted to avoid. THAT is truly something to fear.

Now that I have scared you to death I must tell you that there is hope. The best way to combat fear is to face it, acknowledge it, and learn to recognize it.

One way I battled this enemy was to cancel my subscriptions to parenting magazines. They confused me and made me feel guilty. I have not regretted it.

Another way I battled this enemy was to talk with other mothers. Some of the best advice comes from mothers of older children who can look back and see what worked and what didn't. I also talk to other moms about what I am going through. Not only do I get good advice, I find that I am not the only one feeling that way. I am encouraged and strengthened. Fear seems to be magnified when you are alone.

I also rely on the one person who can give me the most accurate advice, Heavenly Father. It has taken me a long time to learn this and I still forget sometimes. I will read books, look on the internet, talk to other people, trying to find an answer to a certain problem. In frustration I think "who else can I ask?" That soft whisper says "have you prayed about it?" Duh! Who else can tell me how to help my son learn math or why my daughters are fighting so much.

Life is so hard these days. Confusion abounds, fear pervades, filth and wickedness surround. Yet we don't have to partake of any of those things. They are the enemy and we can overcome them. We are superwomen!