Thank Tank, Day 14

I am thankful for science fiction. I can't help it! I love to imagine the possibilities of the future. I mean we have tablets and e-readers like they had on Star Trek: The Next Generation 20 years ago! Imagining what could be achieved in the future is exciting! As far as fantasy goes, I will take high-tech over fairies any day!

Kryptonite Withdrawal

I confessed some time ago that one of my biggest weaknesses is TV. I called it my Kryptonite. I was kind of joking, or so I thought. I didn't realize how much of an addict I was until it was gone.

In May, our family drove to North Carolina to visit with my family. The main purpose of this trip was to pick up my grandmother's piano and bring it back to our home. We had been talking about pianos for years. Being in the military makes having a piano a bit tricky so we had not made the effort to acquire one. We kept making excuses. From the moment we moved into this house I knew the perfect spot for a piano. It was also the perfect spot for our big screen TV.

So it was that nearly 2 months ago our TV and all its accessories moved to our bedroom and the Piano took its place.

*Sigh*

I love having a piano. Really. Don't think for one second that I am even considering a trade-back. I now spend a portion of every day plunking away at it, getting my fingers used to playing again, going over hymns for the choir to sing, just plain enjoying the music. I don't even mind the kids banging on it (and they all do!) It is like a long lost member of the family.

I still watch a little TV in my room. So I haven't given it up completely. But the changes over the past few months have been startling.

For one thing I see myself differently. I didn't expect that. I didn't know I was being so influenced by TV. Apparently I was under the impression that I needed to look and act a certain way because of my age or place in life or whatever. I felt terrible pressure to be better than I am in a superficial sort of way. I didn't act on those feelings. Well, not exactly. I realize now that I was feeling bad about my appearance every time I left the house. I felt embarrassed by my size, shape, hair color, hair style, lack of make-up, clothing choices, shoe choices, pretty much everything. I didn't feel that self-conscious in high school!

Exit TV. Now I fell great. I am fine with myself. I know I can improve in some ways but they are my choice now. I am no longer feeling sorry for the people who have to look at me. I don't feel overwhelmed by pressure to be perfect.

I also see other people differently. I don't see them as judging me any more. I didn't realize how much I thought others were looking down on me. I felt isolated and resentful for no real reason.

There have been a few unexpected withdrawal issues though. In the past, I rarely folded a shirt or mated a sock without sitting in front of the TV. In the past, these chores, while frequent, were not not really a burden to me. I was able to be entertained while I worked. Now I struggle through this tedious chore.

I have tried listening to books on CD and that has helped some. But I still long to sit on the couch and fold or sort while I watch a movie. I used to plan my day around this. "I will fold that load at 2:00 when this show come on" or "I want to watch this movie. I will wait until that load is dry so I can fold while I watch." Now I just put it off as long as I can.

These two changes alone have been a cold-water shock. I have realized just how deeply I was addicted. I can see how entwined into my life this creature really was. I suddenly want to rid myself and my family of all the worldly influences in our lives. I am trying not to overreact. At the same time, I keep thinking of the slow, slight methods of Satan. 2 Nephi give a few examples; "others will he pacify, and lull them away into carnal security...and leadeth them away carefully down to hell."(28:21) "he leadeth them by the neck with a flaxen cord, until he bindeth them with his strong cords forever." (26:22) I also can't help but think of the counsel of President James E. Faust who said "He can have no power over us unless we permit it." Is that what I have done? Have I permitted Satan to enter our home through his subtle means and lead us away from God? Have I given him power over me? I think I can only answer yes.

In a less menacing way, I feel like those people in Wall-e. I realize instead of living I have been letting time pass. I have forgotten many of the things that bring me happiness in place of things that bring pleasure...mindless, meaningless pleasure. And like any drug, I need a bigger dose to get my fix the next time.

I am still recovering form this addiction. I know that I could fall off the wagon if I am not careful. I know that I could easily allow this seemingly benign object to become the major influence in my life again. I know it isn't the only danger either.

I challenge you to take a look at your life and see if there is something like this in your life. Try giving it up for a while and see what happens. I warn you it might be hard and even humbling. Sometimes it takes a dose of nasty medicine to realize how sick we really were.

Superwoman's Kryptonite

Every hero has a weakness. In mythology they call it a "fatal flaw". I had a college professor who called it a "favorite sin". Whatever you call it, it is the thing that keeps you from achieving your truest potential or greatest goal. For me, it is TV.


I guess I should let you know right away that when I say TV I mean movies, too. In fact, I actually LOVE movies. They are full of artistic images and creativity, not to mention insight and symbolism. I could talk about movies all day. To me, they are called "movies" because they "move" us in so many ways. Okay, so not every movie falls into this category. But there are so many that are just...amazing.


TV, on the other hand, is like a drug. I watch TV for reasons I don't understand. I enjoy certain shows, especially documentary type shows ( including some reality shows), because they are interesting, entertaining and possibly even educational. I justify watching these programs for the beneficial qualities they possess, however small they may be. I realize that this is sometimes like justifying cookies for breakfast because they have eggs in them. Still, whatever small good they have is enough of an excuse to keep a tight grip on my TV watching.


If that was the only TV I watched, I might not see it as a weakness. The problem comes in the mindless TV watching that happens much too often. My husband will come in the room and say "what are you watching and I say "I don't know, it just came on and I kept watching." This is a problem.


I have been trying to curb this obsession in recent weeks. Spring is a great time for me to break the TV habit. There is so much to do. The sun is shining and birds are singing, flowers are blooming. The air is refreshing. Plus, TV shows are going into rerun season.


What makes this habit even more troubling is the effect it has on my children. I can remember my oldest son walking into the living room one morning and asking "What is wrong with the TV? Why isn't it on?" He was about 3 years old a the time. He couldn't understand why on earth I would want to leave it off for even a moment!


It is frustrating to us, as parents that when the TV is on, the kids HAVE to watch it. If they are walking through and a commercial is on, they have to stop and watch it. Even if they have seen it before and even if it is for shampoo or heart medication.


As the children have gotten older I have seen the need to be more diligent about the content of what we watch. I am frustrated that I can't just leave it on while I do housework. Now that we live in the US and have commercials again I have to be careful about what they are selling. I hate that in the middle of Star Wars is a commercial for erectile dysfunction medication or a TV show I don't want my kids to watch.


In my defense, there have been plenty of times when the TV was my companion. If my husband was gone because of his job, the TV provided a sense of adult conversation. It made the house feel a little less empty. It distracted me from my loneliness. I think this is why a lot of people watch TV.


Elder David A. Bednar gave a talk that, to my mind, is the most important talk by a Church leader in recent memory. It is called "Things As They Really Are". He speaks of the dangers of the Internet, specifically roll-playing games and virtual worlds. But the more I think of his warning the more I realize how much TV can be just as destructive. It isn't just the content, it is replacing real relationships with imaginary ones.


Does that sound crazy? I hope it does to you. I hope that you have never known anyone who talked about Soap Opera characters as if they were real people. I hope that when a morning news show host leaves, you don't feel like you just lost your best friend. I hope that you have never felt desperate to see what will happen next to your beloved characters on your favorite drama. I hope you don't talk about Oprah as if the two of you have regular chats.


The truth is, TV is safe. It is always there, accepting your attention, giving you entertainment and insight, suggesting things that might interest you, soothing your pains by lulling you into a stupor and letting you forget your troubles for a while...or forever.


And that is the real danger. That neglecting of the real and valuablele for the artificial and unimportant. Does that mean TV is bad? Not inherently. Just as "guns don't kill people, people do" TV doesn't hurt you, misusing it does.


So, what is the antidote to this alien poison? Superman was only susceptible to Kryoptonite when he came in contact with it. And he was able to renew himself by exposure to the Earth's yellow sun. So too does TV only have power over us when we are near it. Let's turn it off, cancel cable, get rid of our satellites, open some windows and go outside! Let the sun renew us with it's warmth and Vitamin-D-stimulating powers! Get to know your neighbors and friends again! Or better yet, meet your family! Nothing but good can happen from breaking free from the vice-like grips of this "one-eyed monster".

And I promise to do all of that...as soon as this show is over.

You and your "Superfriends"

I have been thinking lately about friendship. How do we make friends or strengthen the relationships we already have? This was prompted by two seemingly unrelated discussions.

One discussion was about the effect of technology on relationships. A sister at church talked about how easy it was to text someone or email and "skip the niceties". She suggested that we make the extra effort to actually speak to each other from time to time.

The other discussion came a few weeks later, also at church, as we discussed Provident Living. (Provident Living is term that encompasses a number of topics such as emergency preparedness and living within your means.) One sister talked about how much she loved to shop, especially if she was having a bad day. She said that she was trying to curb that need to spend and would go to the store without her wallet so she wouldn't spend. As I thought about this I remembered the comments from a few weeks ago. I realized that shopping was just another way of replacing real relationships with pretend ones.

Let me explain further. My husband used to tell me that I needed to "get out" more. I argued that I got out a few times a week, going to the grocery store, running errands, going to various appointments, etc. He said that didn't count. He was right, of course. I was interacting with cashiers and secretaries but I rarely had a meaningful visit with someone. It wasn't that I didn't have friends, I just didn't hang out with them.

I have a friend who is an amazing example of the very skill I don't have. I will call her M. When we first met, M was a stay-at-home-mom-to-be of her first child. She would call me up and say "I was wondering if I could come over for a while." Of course I said yes. I wasn't doing anything special. Other times she would call and ask "Would you like to come over for lunch tomorrow? I want to try out a new recipe." She might invite two or three other friends and we would spend the afternoon talking while our children played.

She seemed gifted in her ability to come up with things to do that were fun, simple, and (most importantly) cost free. She had found a new park she wanted to try. There was a free cooking demonstration on post. The library was starting a new program. Once she called to say that a mutual friend had discovered ripe Blackberries along the edge of her property. Would I like to go berry picking?

M seemed to awaken in us a happiness and curiosity that had, for some reason, become dormant. It wasn't what we did that mattered. It was doing it together. I wish I could say that when she moved away we all continued to follow her example. We didn't. Not that we didn't have moments of social connections. But it wasn't the same.

Although I have not yet been able to emulate this wonderful social skill, I know that it is a valuable one. I have said on more than one occasion "I am just not like that." While this may be true, it is no excuse. In fact, when I told my husband that it was hard for me he said "Well, maybe it's hard for her, too." Was it possible?

A few years ago, I decided I needed to broaden my literary expereince. I started listening to classic novels on CD while performing my daily activities. One of my choices was Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin. I had seen the BBC movie version several times. (Okay, so I practically have it memorized. I know you do, too. Don't deny it!)

One part of the book struck me in a way that the movie did not. When Mr. Darcy makes excuses for his behavior and Elizabeth chastises him, he takes it to heart. He makes an effort to change his ways and succeeds.

For some reason this left me feeling ashamed of myself. I realized that I often make those same excuses and expect others to just accept me the way I am. I know that I could change. I could learn to be more friendly and sociable. But it is scary. Why? What is the worst that can happen? I might have to be around other women who are fun and smart and help me be a better person. Oh, the horror!

I would like to say that I have learned my lessons and changed my ways but I haven't. Not completely anyway. That doesn't mean that I can't start now. The ability to change is one of my greatest superpowers!