How much do we really need?
I have asked myself this question before.
I know people who live on very small pay checks. They struggle from month to month but still manage to provide for their families. They live in cramped little houses or apartments but still find room for everyone and everything they need.
I been inside some of the homes my fore bearers lived in. They raised large families in those small spaces.
Sometimes I am envious of those simpler days. My parents had few toys when they were children. They both have many stories of their antics and adventures growing up. They seemed to have quite a bit of fun without rooms full of toys. They still cherish the few toys they did receive.
My kids have so many toys they don't know what to do with them all.
During the few months we were moving, we could fit everything we had with us in the back of a pick-up truck. We had just a few outfits each. I went to the laundromat every 3 days at the most. We had backpacks filled with toys, coloring books, crayons, school supplies, and books. We had a footlocker with plates, bowls, utensils, and just enough pots and pans to make basic meals. We had pillows, blankets, and sleeping bags. I had a small bag filled with medications and band aids. My husband brought his laptop. All the things we needed for our basic needs plus some extras.
Of course, there were things we had to do without.
Privacy, for example.
And comfy beds. Even when we were staying with my parents we were sharing two bed rooms. The kids managed to pop the seams on 2 air mattresses so they ended up sleeping on the floor for a few weeks. While we were in a hotel they had to take turns sleeping on the floor or the sofa bed.
When the movers finally delivered all of our stuff we were overwhelmed.
There was plenty that we really did need. Like winter clothes. A printer. Some documents that we didn't hand-carry. Our piano.
I didn't realize we had so many socks!
Do we really need that many shoes?
I am still trying to make all the books and toys fit.
I have already gotten rid of a large box and a garbage bag full of clothes.
This experience has made me look long and hard at our choices. The things of the world can be so enticing. I have never considered myself a "worldly" or "materialistic" person. I think most people today would agree with that. (We only have one TV and no smartphones!)That doesn't excuse that fact that we sometimes buy things we could do without.
There were times this summer when things got tight financially. In those moments, I regretted all those little things I bought that we didn't really need. A DVD here, a little fast food there. All those little splurges add up. In our time of true need we could have really used that cash. Those moments of pleasure and fun were gone and meaningless.
We all have to reach our own conclusions about what is a need and what is a want. We certainly should be able to enjoy life from time to time. You can't put a price on memories, right?
We should also be conservative.
I learned that my kids really don't need more clothes or toys. I don't need more craft supplies (that I rarely make the time to use!).
Right now our needs are simple. We need friendship. We need security. We need rest from our trial. We need time to settle into our new home.
Oh, yeah. And we need curtains.
Other than that, we're good.
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Superpowers 101: Fairness
Kickball was big to my 3rd grade class. I mean BIG!!! We played it all the time at recess. It seemed the future of the world revolved around those games!
I was not good at it. If I managed to kick the ball (and it wasn't a foul) I was usually tagged out because I was such a slow runner. It was only dumb luck that allowed me to ever progress along the bases.
So, although kickball was everything, I dreaded it. It was a constant reminder of my obvious weaknesses. I knew exactly how well each of my classmates could play the game and I knew I was one of the worst.
Our teacher would always choose 2 team captains and let them choose their teams before we left our classroom. Since I was quiet and hated the game I was never chosen as team captain...until one day.
A boy named Terry was the other captain. We stood in front of the class and took turns selecting our teams. Terry went first. I held my breath, certain he would choose the best player. He chose one of his friends who was not very good. I sighed in relief. I was now free to choose the best player for my team.
Terry again chose a friend over a skilled player. By the time we had divided our class, I was confident that my team would win. I had all the best players. I couldn't understand why Terry had not made any attempt to choose kids who were good at kickball.
It was a beautiful, sunny day. My team put some serious smack on Terry's team. He became distraught with how badly they were losing. He started crying! He wailed about how unfair it was that my team was winning and his team couldn't even get on base!
Our teacher made us switch teams. Now he was the captain of my team and I was captain of his. He immediately started jeering at my losing team. When his new team won, he even had the nerve to rub it in!
This experience has left me with a deeply personal sense of what "fair" actually means.
Terry and I had the same opportunities to choose good players. The selection of the teams was fair. Was it fair for him to get my team because he was such a cry-baby? No.
He could have learned from his mistake. He could have negotiated with me to trade a few players to make our teams more balanced.
Should I have been punished for knowing who the best players were and choosing them for my team? No! I didn't know about my classmates from any secret source. I just paid attention.
In recent years our nation, and even the world, has suffered serious economic set-backs. Many have blamed wealthy people for their misfortune. Are there unfair economic laws in our country? Yes. Are there business practices that are dishonest and greedy? Absolutely. Are their arrogant, snobby, selfish people? Yes! And not all of them are wealthy!!!
But let's talk about fair. If a person works hard and makes a lot of money, should their money be taken from them by the government and given to the poor? Do those who make little or no effort deserve to be given the money of those who worked for it? Is that what "fair" really means?
I was not good at it. If I managed to kick the ball (and it wasn't a foul) I was usually tagged out because I was such a slow runner. It was only dumb luck that allowed me to ever progress along the bases.
So, although kickball was everything, I dreaded it. It was a constant reminder of my obvious weaknesses. I knew exactly how well each of my classmates could play the game and I knew I was one of the worst.
Our teacher would always choose 2 team captains and let them choose their teams before we left our classroom. Since I was quiet and hated the game I was never chosen as team captain...until one day.
A boy named Terry was the other captain. We stood in front of the class and took turns selecting our teams. Terry went first. I held my breath, certain he would choose the best player. He chose one of his friends who was not very good. I sighed in relief. I was now free to choose the best player for my team.
Terry again chose a friend over a skilled player. By the time we had divided our class, I was confident that my team would win. I had all the best players. I couldn't understand why Terry had not made any attempt to choose kids who were good at kickball.
It was a beautiful, sunny day. My team put some serious smack on Terry's team. He became distraught with how badly they were losing. He started crying! He wailed about how unfair it was that my team was winning and his team couldn't even get on base!
Our teacher made us switch teams. Now he was the captain of my team and I was captain of his. He immediately started jeering at my losing team. When his new team won, he even had the nerve to rub it in!
This experience has left me with a deeply personal sense of what "fair" actually means.
Terry and I had the same opportunities to choose good players. The selection of the teams was fair. Was it fair for him to get my team because he was such a cry-baby? No.
He could have learned from his mistake. He could have negotiated with me to trade a few players to make our teams more balanced.
Should I have been punished for knowing who the best players were and choosing them for my team? No! I didn't know about my classmates from any secret source. I just paid attention.
In recent years our nation, and even the world, has suffered serious economic set-backs. Many have blamed wealthy people for their misfortune. Are there unfair economic laws in our country? Yes. Are there business practices that are dishonest and greedy? Absolutely. Are their arrogant, snobby, selfish people? Yes! And not all of them are wealthy!!!
But let's talk about fair. If a person works hard and makes a lot of money, should their money be taken from them by the government and given to the poor? Do those who make little or no effort deserve to be given the money of those who worked for it? Is that what "fair" really means?
Friday, January 28, 2011
Superpowers 101: Celebrations
I recently overheard a new mother lamenting her husband's decision that they not have a birthday party for their daughter's first birthday. He felt it was a waste of time and money, especially since she wouldn't remember it. On top of that, the mother was expecting baby number 2 around the same time and he felt it would be too much for her.
This young woman was explaining all of this to her in-laws, asking them to intervene and throw the party themselves. They went back and forth about what to do, where to have it, when, how many people to invite, etc. At one point the grandmother said "You have to do something, otherwise she will resent you when she gets older." The young mother responded, "I know. Especially when we have a huge party for her little brother's first birthday."
This young woman was explaining all of this to her in-laws, asking them to intervene and throw the party themselves. They went back and forth about what to do, where to have it, when, how many people to invite, etc. At one point the grandmother said "You have to do something, otherwise she will resent you when she gets older." The young mother responded, "I know. Especially when we have a huge party for her little brother's first birthday."
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Superpwers 101: Coupons
I am in no way a coupon queen. For many years I thought it was more trouble than it was worth to clip, sort, file and use coupons in an effective way. My sister-in-law (I'll call her B) is practically an expert. I tried to follow her example for years. It just didn't work for me.
Part of the reason is because I do 90% of my grocery shopping at the military commissary. When we lived overseas, there was really no other option. Now that we are back in the US, I have compared prices and found that most of the time the commissary is cheaper than the local stores. That being the case, I don't see the point in going to 4 different stores to get every little thing that is on sale just to save a few dollars. Besides the hassle of making lists and sorting coupons and driving all over town, I have 3 small children who can barely make it through one store without a melt-down, let alone a different store every day!
In the past few months, my newest sister-in-law (aka J) has been posting all kinds of videos and websites she has found that teach couponing/cost-saving techniques. Her enthusiasm seems to gush off the screen as she talks about how much she saved and what she has learned. I decided to check them out.
One thing I learned is that there are multiple sources for coupons and not every coupon is on every site. This proved to be very helpful to me. I also have realized that I don't have to grab every coupon I see just because I might use it someday. I now make my list first, then see how many coupons I can find to match it.
Here are a few more tips that have proven to be useful for me.
1. Organizing
As I said, I hated all the clipping and sorting and filing. I tried a few different methods, all ending in frustration. I would go to the store with my handful of coupons, only to find that some had expired a few days before. (That was partly due to baby-brain. Some times I didn't have a clue what day it was!) The overseas commissaries usually only carried the basics so coupons for newer products were useless. I felt I was wasting my time.
One of the videos J shared showed how to use a 3-ring binder with baseball card protectors. It was a light-bulb moment. I had a binder that I knew would be perfect. A package of card protectors was only a few dollars. I made tabs for each page, wrote on the pockets with permanent marker, and Voila! Organization! I can easily flip though the pages to see what coupons I have. I make a list on an old envelope, put a star next to items with a coupon and take the whole binder with me. As I collect items from the list, I move the coupons to the envelope. At the register I can easily hand over my stack of coupons.
You might prefer a different method. This works for me. I have only been using this for a few months and I have already doubled my savings!
2. Use Your Brain
The whole point of using a coupon is to save money. But that isn't always the least expensive approach. For example; let's say you need sugar. You have a coupon for $1.00 off the name brand sugar which brings the price to $2.50. But the store brand sugar is only $1.75. What would you do?
Some people are brand loyal. Some foods are better, or at least different, from one brand to another. If you really want to save, be sure you are thinking about this when you shop.
As I mentioned, we do most of our shopping at the military commissary. The biggest drawback is that there is no "store brand" or generic foods there. So the cheapest sugar is still twice as much as the Wal-mart sugar. I try and buy many of the basics, like sugar, salt, spices, etc, at a local store that offers a generic store brand for almost nothing. I really can't tell the difference. (I tried peanut butter but it was really thick and the kids couldn't spread it so we are back to Skippy or Peter Pan. Sometimes you have to pay for a little self-sufficiency!)
3. Don't Stress Out
One problem I had in the past was going to the store and seeing an item was marked down, knowing I had a coupon at home. I found myself in a panic sometimes. I hated paying more than I had to. Finally, I adopted the "Who cares" attitude. Now, if I save a little, great. If I don't, WHO CARES!!!! This has magically made coupons fun again. It is like a game to see what you can get for a good price. I feel like I am in a friendly competition to find a good deal. If I don't feel like playing today, it's no big deal.
Don't buy stuff just because it is a good price. This is one of my pet peeves. If you buy 10 bottles of conditioner that you hate because it only cost $.25 each, that wasn't a bargain. It was wasteful. Same goes for cheap diapers. Sometimes they aren't worth the crap that's in them!
4. Know Thyself
Know your habits. Know your weaknesses. Know what works for you and what doesn't. Be honest when you make your lists. If you know you will buy cookies or ice cream, go ahead and put it on your list, especially if you have a coupon for it. Don't buy things you hate because they are cheaper. You will just resent it later...and so will your family!
Here are a few of the pages that I have found useful. I hope you do too!
Southern Savers This site is focused on the south-eastern US but has very clear-cut information and links that are useful anywhere. I found the information to be extremely useful.
Hip2Save This one is a little more cluttered to me but has lots of good information.
Smart Source A reliable source for online coupons.
Red Plum Another coupon site
Coupons.com Another coupon site.
Part of the reason is because I do 90% of my grocery shopping at the military commissary. When we lived overseas, there was really no other option. Now that we are back in the US, I have compared prices and found that most of the time the commissary is cheaper than the local stores. That being the case, I don't see the point in going to 4 different stores to get every little thing that is on sale just to save a few dollars. Besides the hassle of making lists and sorting coupons and driving all over town, I have 3 small children who can barely make it through one store without a melt-down, let alone a different store every day!
In the past few months, my newest sister-in-law (aka J) has been posting all kinds of videos and websites she has found that teach couponing/cost-saving techniques. Her enthusiasm seems to gush off the screen as she talks about how much she saved and what she has learned. I decided to check them out.
One thing I learned is that there are multiple sources for coupons and not every coupon is on every site. This proved to be very helpful to me. I also have realized that I don't have to grab every coupon I see just because I might use it someday. I now make my list first, then see how many coupons I can find to match it.
Here are a few more tips that have proven to be useful for me.
1. Organizing
As I said, I hated all the clipping and sorting and filing. I tried a few different methods, all ending in frustration. I would go to the store with my handful of coupons, only to find that some had expired a few days before. (That was partly due to baby-brain. Some times I didn't have a clue what day it was!) The overseas commissaries usually only carried the basics so coupons for newer products were useless. I felt I was wasting my time.
One of the videos J shared showed how to use a 3-ring binder with baseball card protectors. It was a light-bulb moment. I had a binder that I knew would be perfect. A package of card protectors was only a few dollars. I made tabs for each page, wrote on the pockets with permanent marker, and Voila! Organization! I can easily flip though the pages to see what coupons I have. I make a list on an old envelope, put a star next to items with a coupon and take the whole binder with me. As I collect items from the list, I move the coupons to the envelope. At the register I can easily hand over my stack of coupons.
You might prefer a different method. This works for me. I have only been using this for a few months and I have already doubled my savings!
2. Use Your Brain
The whole point of using a coupon is to save money. But that isn't always the least expensive approach. For example; let's say you need sugar. You have a coupon for $1.00 off the name brand sugar which brings the price to $2.50. But the store brand sugar is only $1.75. What would you do?
Some people are brand loyal. Some foods are better, or at least different, from one brand to another. If you really want to save, be sure you are thinking about this when you shop.
As I mentioned, we do most of our shopping at the military commissary. The biggest drawback is that there is no "store brand" or generic foods there. So the cheapest sugar is still twice as much as the Wal-mart sugar. I try and buy many of the basics, like sugar, salt, spices, etc, at a local store that offers a generic store brand for almost nothing. I really can't tell the difference. (I tried peanut butter but it was really thick and the kids couldn't spread it so we are back to Skippy or Peter Pan. Sometimes you have to pay for a little self-sufficiency!)
3. Don't Stress Out
One problem I had in the past was going to the store and seeing an item was marked down, knowing I had a coupon at home. I found myself in a panic sometimes. I hated paying more than I had to. Finally, I adopted the "Who cares" attitude. Now, if I save a little, great. If I don't, WHO CARES!!!! This has magically made coupons fun again. It is like a game to see what you can get for a good price. I feel like I am in a friendly competition to find a good deal. If I don't feel like playing today, it's no big deal.
Don't buy stuff just because it is a good price. This is one of my pet peeves. If you buy 10 bottles of conditioner that you hate because it only cost $.25 each, that wasn't a bargain. It was wasteful. Same goes for cheap diapers. Sometimes they aren't worth the crap that's in them!
4. Know Thyself
Know your habits. Know your weaknesses. Know what works for you and what doesn't. Be honest when you make your lists. If you know you will buy cookies or ice cream, go ahead and put it on your list, especially if you have a coupon for it. Don't buy things you hate because they are cheaper. You will just resent it later...and so will your family!
Here are a few of the pages that I have found useful. I hope you do too!
Southern Savers This site is focused on the south-eastern US but has very clear-cut information and links that are useful anywhere. I found the information to be extremely useful.
Hip2Save This one is a little more cluttered to me but has lots of good information.
Smart Source A reliable source for online coupons.
Red Plum Another coupon site
Coupons.com Another coupon site.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
"Hairy" Situations; Superwoman's Guide to Grooming
When I was a Young Woman, I had to do some big projects in order to receive my Young Womanhood Recognition. One of my projects was to learn to cut hair. My mom had been a beautician and performed that service for our family. I practiced on my brothers and the missionaries.
This has proven to be a useful skill. In college, I sometimes traded haircuts for food. I had my own scissors and clippers. I did lots of hair cuts and even had a few "regular customers" at times. It was good practice and always seemed more like a hobby than a job. In fact, it was kind of fun.
Don't get me wrong. I don't like doing it. Not really. I hate having little hairs all over me. I used to cut my fingers with the scissors almost every time! I am not the kind of person who aspires to be a hairdresser. My own hair is usually in a ponytail. When I wear it down, my kids just stare at me like they are trying to figure out who I am!
My own feelings aside, I have found this to be a great blessing to my family. My husband is in the military, a job that has regulations on hair length. When we were first married, only 11 years ago, he could get it cut for 5 dollars at the military PX. Now it is 12 dollars! That might not seem like much but it can really add up if you have to do it every few weeks. We also have 7 kids now. I have given them most of their haircuts. (They have given themselves haircuts, too...but that is whole other issue!)
Practical Points for Cutting Hair
Here are a few things I have learned, either from my mother or my own experience, that will make your haircutting adventures a little bit easier.
1. Take Care of Your Tools
Whether you are using scissors or clippers, it is important to clean them after each use. I rinse off the scissors and comb then leave them to air dry in a safe place (That means out of reach of little hands). I also rinse off the attachments for my clippers. I take the blades off and clean out the hair from time to time, but not after each haircut. I don't usually wash the clippers at all, I just brush the blades and wipe it with a tissue if it needs it. (This is because the blades need to stay oiled...and it is electric!)
2. Location, location, location!
This is not just for real estate. Good places to cutting hair are the bathroom, the kitchen, or outside. I like the bathroom because then the person getting the cut can just get in the shower afterward and clean off all those little hairs. My second favorite is outside. Then you don't have to worry about clean up.
3. Dressing for the Occasion
I used to have a cape, a plastic thing that wraps around your neck and supposedly keeps the hair off of you. I found it to be more trouble than it's worth for kids. My boys would complain about being too hot and sometimes wiped their faces with the hairy thing. NOT fun. I usually have my boys strip down to their underwear for haircuts. If they are shy, they can put a towel around their waist. The less hair I can send through the laundry, the better.
My mom has a kind of house dress that she wears when she cuts hair. I usually just change clothes when I am finished. Whatever you do, don't forget that you will get hair on yourself, especially if you are giving a really short hair cut.
4. Boys and Girls are Different
My girls don't get haircuts very often. I occasionally trim their bangs or cut a few inches off the back. I don't get fancy with their hair. I just wet the part I want to cut and give it a few snips. They don't usually need a shower or cape or anything. That might change someday!
5. Cleaning Up
Don't forget the the hair has to go somewhere. The garbage, the toilet, the yard, these are all pretty good options. A few months ago, I tried having my boys stand on a towel, thinking I wouldn't have to sweep. I am still finding stray hairs in the dryer vent! I alos tried sitting the little ones on the counter and letting the hair fall into the sink. That was fine...until I tried to wash teh hari down the drain. NOT pretty. If you try cutting hair into the sink, wipe it out and put it in the trash. Believe me, it will save you in the long run!
*A word of warning: cut hairs can be kind of sharp. You can get a hair spinter from these and they can be difficult to remove. So be careful if you or your "customer" is barefoot.
6. Keep Some Perspective
My dad used to say the difference between a good haircut and bad haircut is two weeks. It's true. Well, it might be longer than two weeks. But the point is, if it is too short, it will grow back. So don't worry too much.
Once I was cutting my son's hair and I noticed a place that was a little uneven. I changed the attachment on the clippers and pulled it across his head, front to back. I was in a hurry and didn't notice that that attachment had fallen off when I got to the back. The next swipe across his head took off ALL the hair! I had to shave his head, which he thought was wonderful. But I have been more careful since then.
If you mess it up really badly, you can go to a barber or hairdresser, which you would have done anyway but now you have some experience. So it's win-win!
Cutting hair can seem like a scary task. If you are too worried about messing up, you probably will. But if you are feeling advennturous and want to save a few bucks, give it a try. You might be surprised.
This has proven to be a useful skill. In college, I sometimes traded haircuts for food. I had my own scissors and clippers. I did lots of hair cuts and even had a few "regular customers" at times. It was good practice and always seemed more like a hobby than a job. In fact, it was kind of fun.
Don't get me wrong. I don't like doing it. Not really. I hate having little hairs all over me. I used to cut my fingers with the scissors almost every time! I am not the kind of person who aspires to be a hairdresser. My own hair is usually in a ponytail. When I wear it down, my kids just stare at me like they are trying to figure out who I am!
My own feelings aside, I have found this to be a great blessing to my family. My husband is in the military, a job that has regulations on hair length. When we were first married, only 11 years ago, he could get it cut for 5 dollars at the military PX. Now it is 12 dollars! That might not seem like much but it can really add up if you have to do it every few weeks. We also have 7 kids now. I have given them most of their haircuts. (They have given themselves haircuts, too...but that is whole other issue!)
Practical Points for Cutting Hair
Here are a few things I have learned, either from my mother or my own experience, that will make your haircutting adventures a little bit easier.
1. Take Care of Your Tools
Whether you are using scissors or clippers, it is important to clean them after each use. I rinse off the scissors and comb then leave them to air dry in a safe place (That means out of reach of little hands). I also rinse off the attachments for my clippers. I take the blades off and clean out the hair from time to time, but not after each haircut. I don't usually wash the clippers at all, I just brush the blades and wipe it with a tissue if it needs it. (This is because the blades need to stay oiled...and it is electric!)
2. Location, location, location!
This is not just for real estate. Good places to cutting hair are the bathroom, the kitchen, or outside. I like the bathroom because then the person getting the cut can just get in the shower afterward and clean off all those little hairs. My second favorite is outside. Then you don't have to worry about clean up.
3. Dressing for the Occasion
I used to have a cape, a plastic thing that wraps around your neck and supposedly keeps the hair off of you. I found it to be more trouble than it's worth for kids. My boys would complain about being too hot and sometimes wiped their faces with the hairy thing. NOT fun. I usually have my boys strip down to their underwear for haircuts. If they are shy, they can put a towel around their waist. The less hair I can send through the laundry, the better.
My mom has a kind of house dress that she wears when she cuts hair. I usually just change clothes when I am finished. Whatever you do, don't forget that you will get hair on yourself, especially if you are giving a really short hair cut.
4. Boys and Girls are Different
My girls don't get haircuts very often. I occasionally trim their bangs or cut a few inches off the back. I don't get fancy with their hair. I just wet the part I want to cut and give it a few snips. They don't usually need a shower or cape or anything. That might change someday!
5. Cleaning Up
Don't forget the the hair has to go somewhere. The garbage, the toilet, the yard, these are all pretty good options. A few months ago, I tried having my boys stand on a towel, thinking I wouldn't have to sweep. I am still finding stray hairs in the dryer vent! I alos tried sitting the little ones on the counter and letting the hair fall into the sink. That was fine...until I tried to wash teh hari down the drain. NOT pretty. If you try cutting hair into the sink, wipe it out and put it in the trash. Believe me, it will save you in the long run!
*A word of warning: cut hairs can be kind of sharp. You can get a hair spinter from these and they can be difficult to remove. So be careful if you or your "customer" is barefoot.
6. Keep Some Perspective
My dad used to say the difference between a good haircut and bad haircut is two weeks. It's true. Well, it might be longer than two weeks. But the point is, if it is too short, it will grow back. So don't worry too much.
Once I was cutting my son's hair and I noticed a place that was a little uneven. I changed the attachment on the clippers and pulled it across his head, front to back. I was in a hurry and didn't notice that that attachment had fallen off when I got to the back. The next swipe across his head took off ALL the hair! I had to shave his head, which he thought was wonderful. But I have been more careful since then.
If you mess it up really badly, you can go to a barber or hairdresser, which you would have done anyway but now you have some experience. So it's win-win!
Cutting hair can seem like a scary task. If you are too worried about messing up, you probably will. But if you are feeling advennturous and want to save a few bucks, give it a try. You might be surprised.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Superpowers 101: Provident Living; Part 3
How much do we need? Really? When it comes to things, where is the line? I used to think it was the same for everyone. I mean, third graders learn about needs in social studies. The basic human needs are food, shelter, clothing, and love. So why do we have so much...junk?
I ask myself this question all the time. Even when I have gotten rid of several car loads of clothes, toys, books, and garbage, I still look around my house and think "too much stuff!"
One reason I feel this way is that when you have a lot, you have to take care of it. "Where much is given, much is required", right? I look at the mountain of laundry and think "If we had less clothes maybe there would be less work." I know that isn't true. I would have just as much work because I would be forced to wash the clothes more often in order to keep everyone covered.
Another reason I ask this question is to try and keep our desires in check. If we are not careful the line between need and want can get seriously blurred. Allow me to illustrate.
When my husband and I were first married, we lived in a townhouse. My husband had been very clear with the Realtor that we wanted aplace place
There was a couple from church who lived just a few doors down. They were in a similar situation, same rank, same sizehome home
They had 2 cars and were making payments on both. They had a dog and 2 cats who "required" a special, expensive kind of food from a specialty pet food store. They both had cell phones. She explained that she saved "so much" by keeping up her cosmetology license so she could buy her salon quality hair and nail products at a discount.
For the most part, I thought it was their own business what they spent their money on and I didn't really judge them...until one day... The wife asked me to watch her little girl, who was about 8 months old, while she went to a doctor's appointment. She gave me strict orders not to change her diaper unless it was "stinky". She explained that "Diapers are so expensive. I just hate wasting money on something like that. I can't wait until she is potty trained." I agreed to her request and she left.
Soon the baby started crying. I realized that her diaper was about to burst with wetness so I changed it. When her mother returned, I told her what I had done and why. She gave me a sour look but said it was fine. She also told me that her daughter was very prone to rashes and had been seen by a doctor several times for the rash and even a suspected urinary tract infection. "No one can figure out what her problem is?" the mother said in frustration. I had a pretty good idea!
This experience gave me a glimpse at what life could be like for us. Yes, they seemed to be a more elegant and accomplished couple on the outside, but at what cost? We were using hand-me down furniture and going to the laundry mat. That was what we felt our situation required. We were paying off debts and getting a few things we really needed. And no one in our household was actually suffering!
A few years before this, I attended a single adult fireside given by the stake. A young couple from another ward spoke to us about the struggles they had when they were first married. It was a little humbling because she was the daughter of a well-known and respected member of the stake. They were very open about their struggles and how their parents allowed them to struggle in order to help them grow. It wasn't that they were mistreated or that they were making bad choices. They were just young college students who had nothing.
They also explained that they wanted to follow the counsel of the church leaders so they decided that the wife would not work. She would stayhome
I was deeply touched by their faith in this commandment. As I said, I worked for several months after we were married. As the time approached for our first child to be born, I became concerned about whether or not I would have to work and put our child in daycare. The answer was a mixed blessing. My husband was deployed 5 weeks after our son was born. The extra money we received from that, along with the reduction in gas and food costs, balanced out to almost exactly what I was making at my job. A few months later my husband was promoted, giving us a little more than we had before.
I have never HAD to work since then. Sometimes things feel a little tight. Sometimes it is because we have made poor choices in how we use the income we have. Sometimes it is just part of life. Any time I start to feel the pinch of a tightened belt, I remember those two couples. I think about which example I want to follow. The choice is easy. Yes, it may be a little humbling and even painful to choose the right path but the rewards are immeasurable.
I ask myself this question all the time. Even when I have gotten rid of several car loads of clothes, toys, books, and garbage, I still look around my house and think "too much stuff!"
One reason I feel this way is that when you have a lot, you have to take care of it. "Where much is given, much is required", right? I look at the mountain of laundry and think "If we had less clothes maybe there would be less work." I know that isn't true. I would have just as much work because I would be forced to wash the clothes more often in order to keep everyone covered.
Another reason I ask this question is to try and keep our desires in check. If we are not careful the line between need and want can get seriously blurred. Allow me to illustrate.
When my husband and I were first married, we lived in a townhouse. My husband had been very clear with the Realtor that we wanted a
There was a couple from church who lived just a few doors down. They were in a similar situation, same rank, same size
They had 2 cars and were making payments on both. They had a dog and 2 cats who "required" a special, expensive kind of food from a specialty pet food store. They both had cell phones. She explained that she saved "so much" by keeping up her cosmetology license so she could buy her salon quality hair and nail products at a discount.
For the most part, I thought it was their own business what they spent their money on and I didn't really judge them...until one day... The wife asked me to watch her little girl, who was about 8 months old, while she went to a doctor's appointment. She gave me strict orders not to change her diaper unless it was "stinky". She explained that "Diapers are so expensive. I just hate wasting money on something like that. I can't wait until she is potty trained." I agreed to her request and she left.
Soon the baby started crying. I realized that her diaper was about to burst with wetness so I changed it. When her mother returned, I told her what I had done and why. She gave me a sour look but said it was fine. She also told me that her daughter was very prone to rashes and had been seen by a doctor several times for the rash and even a suspected urinary tract infection. "No one can figure out what her problem is?" the mother said in frustration. I had a pretty good idea!
This experience gave me a glimpse at what life could be like for us. Yes, they seemed to be a more elegant and accomplished couple on the outside, but at what cost? We were using hand-me down furniture and going to the laundry mat. That was what we felt our situation required. We were paying off debts and getting a few things we really needed. And no one in our household was actually suffering!
A few years before this, I attended a single adult fireside given by the stake. A young couple from another ward spoke to us about the struggles they had when they were first married. It was a little humbling because she was the daughter of a well-known and respected member of the stake. They were very open about their struggles and how their parents allowed them to struggle in order to help them grow. It wasn't that they were mistreated or that they were making bad choices. They were just young college students who had nothing.
They also explained that they wanted to follow the counsel of the church leaders so they decided that the wife would not work. She would stay
I was deeply touched by their faith in this commandment. As I said, I worked for several months after we were married. As the time approached for our first child to be born, I became concerned about whether or not I would have to work and put our child in daycare. The answer was a mixed blessing. My husband was deployed 5 weeks after our son was born. The extra money we received from that, along with the reduction in gas and food costs, balanced out to almost exactly what I was making at my job. A few months later my husband was promoted, giving us a little more than we had before.
I have never HAD to work since then. Sometimes things feel a little tight. Sometimes it is because we have made poor choices in how we use the income we have. Sometimes it is just part of life. Any time I start to feel the pinch of a tightened belt, I remember those two couples. I think about which example I want to follow. The choice is easy. Yes, it may be a little humbling and even painful to choose the right path but the rewards are immeasurable.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Developing your "super powers"
I believe there are a few skills that are essential for every person to know. These are skills that make it possible to function successfully in the world. I also feel these skills are important for survival and self-reliance. If you have these skills, great! If you don't, maybe you should consider developing them. It won't hurt and will very likely improve your life.
1. Reading. Okay, so that may seem obvious (since you are reading this) but there are people in the world who are able yet rarely read. I used to only read for information; magazines, newspapers, How-to books, etc. This kind of reading is important and more people should read to learn something from time to time.
Several years ago I started reading for pleasure again. It has changed my life. I always enjoyed reading but I thought I had outgrown "fun reading". Since I started reading again I have found that I read faster, my comprehension is better, I have something to think about besides children and cleaning, and I am much happier than when I filled my time with TV and movies. I also read aloud to my children more. I used to hate doing this because I didn't like my voice. If I read for very long my throat would get dry and I would stop. Now I don't mind either of these challenges. I guess practice makes perfect.
Several years ago I started reading for pleasure again. It has changed my life. I always enjoyed reading but I thought I had outgrown "fun reading". Since I started reading again I have found that I read faster, my comprehension is better, I have something to think about besides children and cleaning, and I am much happier than when I filled my time with TV and movies. I also read aloud to my children more. I used to hate doing this because I didn't like my voice. If I read for very long my throat would get dry and I would stop. Now I don't mind either of these challenges. I guess practice makes perfect.
2. Cooking. This might seem obvious to some of you but I have met many women who can not cook...or DO NOT cook. I find this incomprehensible. I enjoy cooking most of the time. I like trying new things and having control over what I eat. I am by no means a gourmet but I think I am a pretty good cook. I feel satisfied that I can provide meals for my family. I also believe that cooking for yourself saves money. During our recent move we found ourselves spending between $30 and $60 per meal to feed our family! I have added up the cost of our favorite meals and the most expensive was only $18 with lots of leftovers.
3. Basic Financial management. I am not a financial expert but I have learned from my mistakes and work very hard to avoid repeating them. That is why I am horrified when I meet a woman who says "I let my husband do all of that." or "Money isn't important." Are you kidding me!?!?!? Money one of the most important tools we have in our society. Without money you have no home, no food, no transportation, no education, the list goes on and on. Now I am not saying that you should be obsessed with money or that it should have unrealistic priority in your life. I am saying that by not understanding basic principles like interest and budgeting, you can get into SERIOUS trouble. I guess many people are learning this lesson the hard way. What is most devastating is not finding your self over your head in debt but learning how a simple it would have been to stay out of that pit.
4. Sewing. This might seem like an outdated skill to you but it isn't. Although making your own clothes may not be cost effective, sewing skills are still valuable. Simple minding does not take much time or effort but can save you in the long run. I am surprised at how many people can't hem a pair of pants or sew on a button. They find it too much work and would rather replace it than mend it.
Another important reason to learn to sew is modesty. I have very strong feeling about little girls wearing short shorts and sleeveless dresses. I would much prefer to add a sleeve or lengthen the hem than let my girls be overexposed.
5. Organizational skills. I hate trying to find something in a pile of junk. My husband would laugh at that because I am the "cluttered one" in our home. My argument is that I have to keep track of 8 people's stuff and he only has to keep track of some of his own. Still, I do have meticulous standards when it comes to our important documents and records, storage items like baby clothes and Christmas decorations, and the children's toys. Less important clutter ends up in piles or boxes or bags until I sort it and re-sort it and eventually find a home for it or throw it out. It is an ongoing process. I can't tell you how good it feels when you need scissors and they are in their place or when your 3 year old put all the cars in the car box without being told what to do.
6. Shopping skills. I know what you are thinking. ALL women know how to shop. I disagree. All women know how to SPEND MONEY!. There is a difference. A successful shopper can go into the store and buy what they need without overdoing it. She knows how to get a good deal and buys with the future in mind. I am particularly surprised at how many people buy only enough food for one or two meals instead of stocking up on the things they eat often. I tend to buy food on a cycle. One week I might buy several jars of spaghetti sauce. Another week I stock up on ground beef. When we start to run low on an item I buy at least a months worth. The same principle applies to kids clothes. I might buy several pair of jeans in different sizes because they are on sale. Now when my "giant child" has yet another growth spurt I don't have to rush out and buy him something so he can breath at school the next day.
I have only listed a few of the many skills that help keep a family running smoothly. Not only are they good skills for a mother to have but good skills to teach her children. As I said in the beginning, these are important for anyone to master...even guys!
3. Basic Financial management. I am not a financial expert but I have learned from my mistakes and work very hard to avoid repeating them. That is why I am horrified when I meet a woman who says "I let my husband do all of that." or "Money isn't important." Are you kidding me!?!?!? Money one of the most important tools we have in our society. Without money you have no home, no food, no transportation, no education, the list goes on and on. Now I am not saying that you should be obsessed with money or that it should have unrealistic priority in your life. I am saying that by not understanding basic principles like interest and budgeting, you can get into SERIOUS trouble. I guess many people are learning this lesson the hard way. What is most devastating is not finding your self over your head in debt but learning how a simple it would have been to stay out of that pit.
4. Sewing. This might seem like an outdated skill to you but it isn't. Although making your own clothes may not be cost effective, sewing skills are still valuable. Simple minding does not take much time or effort but can save you in the long run. I am surprised at how many people can't hem a pair of pants or sew on a button. They find it too much work and would rather replace it than mend it.
Another important reason to learn to sew is modesty. I have very strong feeling about little girls wearing short shorts and sleeveless dresses. I would much prefer to add a sleeve or lengthen the hem than let my girls be overexposed.
5. Organizational skills. I hate trying to find something in a pile of junk. My husband would laugh at that because I am the "cluttered one" in our home. My argument is that I have to keep track of 8 people's stuff and he only has to keep track of some of his own. Still, I do have meticulous standards when it comes to our important documents and records, storage items like baby clothes and Christmas decorations, and the children's toys. Less important clutter ends up in piles or boxes or bags until I sort it and re-sort it and eventually find a home for it or throw it out. It is an ongoing process. I can't tell you how good it feels when you need scissors and they are in their place or when your 3 year old put all the cars in the car box without being told what to do.
6. Shopping skills. I know what you are thinking. ALL women know how to shop. I disagree. All women know how to SPEND MONEY!. There is a difference. A successful shopper can go into the store and buy what they need without overdoing it. She knows how to get a good deal and buys with the future in mind. I am particularly surprised at how many people buy only enough food for one or two meals instead of stocking up on the things they eat often. I tend to buy food on a cycle. One week I might buy several jars of spaghetti sauce. Another week I stock up on ground beef. When we start to run low on an item I buy at least a months worth. The same principle applies to kids clothes. I might buy several pair of jeans in different sizes because they are on sale. Now when my "giant child" has yet another growth spurt I don't have to rush out and buy him something so he can breath at school the next day.
I have only listed a few of the many skills that help keep a family running smoothly. Not only are they good skills for a mother to have but good skills to teach her children. As I said in the beginning, these are important for anyone to master...even guys!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
How to finance your life as superwoman, part 1
I have lost count of the number of times someone has asked me how we can afford to have six children. Aside from being somewhat personal, I have rarely been offended by this question. Confused, maybe, but not offended. There was one time when I was really disgusted though.
A woman I knew casually in a professional capacity, who was familiar with our basic circumstances, asked me if my newest infant was a boy or a girl. Now, I admit, the baby was bald as a peach and looked remarkably like my 2 year old son. However, she was dressed from head to toe in pink.
I am sure I gave the woman a strange look when I answered that she was, indeed, a girl. The woman waved her hand and said casually, "I know she's all in pink but you have all those kids so I thought maybe that was all you had." As usual, the polite me took over and I just smiled sweetly. The rude side was silently screaming all kinds How-dare-yous and other more obscene retorts that the polite me can't even think about right now.
As rude and insulting as her comment was, it contained a grain of truth. Providing for a large family definitely takes some thought and sacrifice. I often think of the phrase "fix it up, wear it out, make it do or do without." I am sure many people think of extremes like the pioneers or the Great Depression when they hear this but that isn't the case. It is more about knowing what to keep, what you need, and what to replace.
During my last pregnancy I met another expectant mother who was having her fourth. As we chatted casually about having babies, she complained about not being able to find the things she needed. I agreed, thinking of finding an adeqate nursing bra or replacing my out-of-date carseat withough breaking the bank. That isn't what she was talking about.
It turned out that she had not kept a single baby item from her previous pregnancies. At first I assumed that she had not been planning on having any more children. She explained that she never kept any baby things once the child outgrew them. Not clothes, cribs, blankets, toys, or ANYTHING else! On top of this, she had not been complaining about trying to buy a new crib or find newborn-sized sleepers in the summer. She was upset that she could not find curtains to match the crib comforter she liked. HUH?!?!
As nice as it sounds, I have never had a nursery. I have not had matching car seat and stroller and playard and bedding for any of my children. I have not gotten them entirely new wardrobes or designer bottles or whatever else the popular culture of babydom tells parents they "must have". My children have not suffered in the least. They slept very well in a crib that had been used by their older siblings. They did not complain about wearing hand-me-downs. They have not been scarred for life because the stroller and car seat are from 2 different companies!
Just today Baby #6 was playing with a Noah's ark play set. I realized that I had purchased that toy for my first child almost 10 years ago. Each of the children had played with it. #6 didn't care that there is a newer version on the market or that some of the animals have been lost. She was happy. And that is all that really matters.
A woman I knew casually in a professional capacity, who was familiar with our basic circumstances, asked me if my newest infant was a boy or a girl. Now, I admit, the baby was bald as a peach and looked remarkably like my 2 year old son. However, she was dressed from head to toe in pink.
I am sure I gave the woman a strange look when I answered that she was, indeed, a girl. The woman waved her hand and said casually, "I know she's all in pink but you have all those kids so I thought maybe that was all you had." As usual, the polite me took over and I just smiled sweetly. The rude side was silently screaming all kinds How-dare-yous and other more obscene retorts that the polite me can't even think about right now.
As rude and insulting as her comment was, it contained a grain of truth. Providing for a large family definitely takes some thought and sacrifice. I often think of the phrase "fix it up, wear it out, make it do or do without." I am sure many people think of extremes like the pioneers or the Great Depression when they hear this but that isn't the case. It is more about knowing what to keep, what you need, and what to replace.
During my last pregnancy I met another expectant mother who was having her fourth. As we chatted casually about having babies, she complained about not being able to find the things she needed. I agreed, thinking of finding an adeqate nursing bra or replacing my out-of-date carseat withough breaking the bank. That isn't what she was talking about.
It turned out that she had not kept a single baby item from her previous pregnancies. At first I assumed that she had not been planning on having any more children. She explained that she never kept any baby things once the child outgrew them. Not clothes, cribs, blankets, toys, or ANYTHING else! On top of this, she had not been complaining about trying to buy a new crib or find newborn-sized sleepers in the summer. She was upset that she could not find curtains to match the crib comforter she liked. HUH?!?!
As nice as it sounds, I have never had a nursery. I have not had matching car seat and stroller and playard and bedding for any of my children. I have not gotten them entirely new wardrobes or designer bottles or whatever else the popular culture of babydom tells parents they "must have". My children have not suffered in the least. They slept very well in a crib that had been used by their older siblings. They did not complain about wearing hand-me-downs. They have not been scarred for life because the stroller and car seat are from 2 different companies!
Just today Baby #6 was playing with a Noah's ark play set. I realized that I had purchased that toy for my first child almost 10 years ago. Each of the children had played with it. #6 didn't care that there is a newer version on the market or that some of the animals have been lost. She was happy. And that is all that really matters.
Monday, August 24, 2009
You and your "Superfriends"
I have been thinking lately about friendship. How do we make friends or strengthen the relationships we already have? This was prompted by two seemingly unrelated discussions.
One discussion was about the effect of technology on relationships. A sister at church talked about how easy it was to text someone or email and "skip the niceties". She suggested that we make the extra effort to actually speak to each other from time to time.
The other discussion came a few weeks later, also at church, as we discussed Provident Living. (Provident Living is term that encompasses a number of topics such as emergency preparedness and living within your means.) One sister talked about how much she loved to shop, especially if she was having a bad day. She said that she was trying to curb that need to spend and would go to the store without her wallet so she wouldn't spend. As I thought about this I remembered the comments from a few weeks ago. I realized that shopping was just another way of replacing real relationships with pretend ones.
Let me explain further. My husband used to tell me that I needed to "get out" more. I argued that I got out a few times a week, going to the grocery store, running errands, going to various appointments, etc. He said that didn't count. He was right, of course. I was interacting with cashiers and secretaries but I rarely had a meaningful visit with someone. It wasn't that I didn't have friends, I just didn't hang out with them.
I have a friend who is an amazing example of the very skill I don't have. I will call her M. When we first met, M was a stay-at-home-mom-to-be of her first child. She would call me up and say "I was wondering if I could come over for a while." Of course I said yes. I wasn't doing anything special. Other times she would call and ask "Would you like to come over for lunch tomorrow? I want to try out a new recipe." She might invite two or three other friends and we would spend the afternoon talking while our children played.
She seemed gifted in her ability to come up with things to do that were fun, simple, and (most importantly) cost free. She had found a new park she wanted to try. There was a free cooking demonstration on post. The library was starting a new program. Once she called to say that a mutual friend had discovered ripe Blackberries along the edge of her property. Would I like to go berry picking?
M seemed to awaken in us a happiness and curiosity that had, for some reason, become dormant. It wasn't what we did that mattered. It was doing it together. I wish I could say that when she moved away we all continued to follow her example. We didn't. Not that we didn't have moments of social connections. But it wasn't the same.
Although I have not yet been able to emulate this wonderful social skill, I know that it is a valuable one. I have said on more than one occasion "I am just not like that." While this may be true, it is no excuse. In fact, when I told my husband that it was hard for me he said "Well, maybe it's hard for her, too." Was it possible?
A few years ago, I decided I needed to broaden my literary expereince. I started listening to classic novels on CD while performing my daily activities. One of my choices was Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin. I had seen the BBC movie version several times. (Okay, so I practically have it memorized. I know you do, too. Don't deny it!)
One part of the book struck me in a way that the movie did not. When Mr. Darcy makes excuses for his behavior and Elizabeth chastises him, he takes it to heart. He makes an effort to change his ways and succeeds.
For some reason this left me feeling ashamed of myself. I realized that I often make those same excuses and expect others to just accept me the way I am. I know that I could change. I could learn to be more friendly and sociable. But it is scary. Why? What is the worst that can happen? I might have to be around other women who are fun and smart and help me be a better person. Oh, the horror!
I would like to say that I have learned my lessons and changed my ways but I haven't. Not completely anyway. That doesn't mean that I can't start now. The ability to change is one of my greatest superpowers!
One discussion was about the effect of technology on relationships. A sister at church talked about how easy it was to text someone or email and "skip the niceties". She suggested that we make the extra effort to actually speak to each other from time to time.
The other discussion came a few weeks later, also at church, as we discussed Provident Living. (Provident Living is term that encompasses a number of topics such as emergency preparedness and living within your means.) One sister talked about how much she loved to shop, especially if she was having a bad day. She said that she was trying to curb that need to spend and would go to the store without her wallet so she wouldn't spend. As I thought about this I remembered the comments from a few weeks ago. I realized that shopping was just another way of replacing real relationships with pretend ones.
Let me explain further. My husband used to tell me that I needed to "get out" more. I argued that I got out a few times a week, going to the grocery store, running errands, going to various appointments, etc. He said that didn't count. He was right, of course. I was interacting with cashiers and secretaries but I rarely had a meaningful visit with someone. It wasn't that I didn't have friends, I just didn't hang out with them.
I have a friend who is an amazing example of the very skill I don't have. I will call her M. When we first met, M was a stay-at-home-mom-to-be of her first child. She would call me up and say "I was wondering if I could come over for a while." Of course I said yes. I wasn't doing anything special. Other times she would call and ask "Would you like to come over for lunch tomorrow? I want to try out a new recipe." She might invite two or three other friends and we would spend the afternoon talking while our children played.
She seemed gifted in her ability to come up with things to do that were fun, simple, and (most importantly) cost free. She had found a new park she wanted to try. There was a free cooking demonstration on post. The library was starting a new program. Once she called to say that a mutual friend had discovered ripe Blackberries along the edge of her property. Would I like to go berry picking?
M seemed to awaken in us a happiness and curiosity that had, for some reason, become dormant. It wasn't what we did that mattered. It was doing it together. I wish I could say that when she moved away we all continued to follow her example. We didn't. Not that we didn't have moments of social connections. But it wasn't the same.
Although I have not yet been able to emulate this wonderful social skill, I know that it is a valuable one. I have said on more than one occasion "I am just not like that." While this may be true, it is no excuse. In fact, when I told my husband that it was hard for me he said "Well, maybe it's hard for her, too." Was it possible?
A few years ago, I decided I needed to broaden my literary expereince. I started listening to classic novels on CD while performing my daily activities. One of my choices was Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin. I had seen the BBC movie version several times. (Okay, so I practically have it memorized. I know you do, too. Don't deny it!)
One part of the book struck me in a way that the movie did not. When Mr. Darcy makes excuses for his behavior and Elizabeth chastises him, he takes it to heart. He makes an effort to change his ways and succeeds.
For some reason this left me feeling ashamed of myself. I realized that I often make those same excuses and expect others to just accept me the way I am. I know that I could change. I could learn to be more friendly and sociable. But it is scary. Why? What is the worst that can happen? I might have to be around other women who are fun and smart and help me be a better person. Oh, the horror!
I would like to say that I have learned my lessons and changed my ways but I haven't. Not completely anyway. That doesn't mean that I can't start now. The ability to change is one of my greatest superpowers!
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