Woman of noble character challenge week 6

Proverbs 31:25-27 "Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness."

Week 6: Proverbs 31:25-27 Do you tend to let your emotions control your attitude? Are there more kind words mixed with laughter coming from your lips, or are they harsh and demoralizing? Write a post about something you have said or done that you need to forgive yourself for. Is there someone you need to forgive or who has let you down? Write about it.

This week's challenge reminds me of a scene from one of my favorite childhood movies, The Never-Ending Story.

The hero, Atreyu, is learning about the gates he must pass through to reach the Southern Oracle. Engywook, the little gnome who studies the Oracle, tells Atreyu of a mirror that shows your true self. "Kind people find out that they are cruel. Brave men discover that they are really cowards! Confronted by their true selves, most men run away screaming!"

Even as a child, I wondered what I would see in that mirror. I think I would have been fairly pleased with my reflection at that time. Now, I am not so sure.

Motherhood has a mirror like the one in this movie. It is called a child. Each of my children are reflections of me. For better or worse.

It is truly one of the most horrifying and disappointing experiences of life to see or hear your child do something negative and know that they learned it from you. That two year old voice telling her doll to "pick that up RIGHT NOW!" with just the same inflections that I use. Or the 8 year old who clamps her teeth and says "STOP IT" with the same expression I am sure I have. Or how about the disgusted sighs when anything doesn't go their way?  I want to crawl under a rock and die of embarrassment!

A few years ago I received an email that struck me right in the hard spot of my heart. It explained that we would never treat strangers as cruelly as we treat our own families. It's true. For me anyway. I know that I would be mortified if someone over heard me berating my children. I am very hard on them. Probably too hard sometimes.

A few years ago my oldest son was fighting with his younger brother at church. We were in the small foyer of the building. I grabbed him, pushed him onto a seat and loosed my tongue. I wasn't yelling or smacking him. I was just, you know, the wicked witch. I didn't think about what I was doing until I heard a horrified cry. I turned to see a young girl with Down Syndrome staring at me. I took a deep breath, realizing that I had scared her and went over to calm her down. She drew back, afraid of me. She turned her back to me, leaned on the wall and began sobbing. I was ashamed. Deeply ashamed.

I put my hand on her shoulder and apologized. She turned around and hugged me. We had a little conversation, me saying what I needed to say, her jabbering at me in French (She didn't speak English). She smiled and hugged me again, then she was off to explore.

I remembered a Relief Society lesson where the teacher compared living in the Celestial Kingdom to a black-tie dinner. She asked us to imagine showing up in a wrinkled T-shirt and flip-flops. Would we feel out of place? That is what it would be like to be in the Celestial Kingdom if we were not worthy to be there.

I imagined this sweet, innocent child was like the angels in Heaven. Were these heavenly beings looking at me in terrified shock each time I lashed out at my kids? Were the angels hiding their faces and sobbing at the sight of me? Would the Saviour himself turn from me and say "I don't know who you are. Certainly not one of mine."?

I knew in that moment I needed to change. I would like to say that I am now the most wonderful mother in the world. I would like to tell you that I never raise my voice or say things that I shouldn't say. I would like to tell you that I never get angry or overreact. But that would be a big fat lie. Really big.

Don't get me wrong, I am not beating my kids with my broomstick or calling them horrible names. But there is more to it than that. I can see my children's spirits cringe when I say, in that certain tone, "What are you doing?!" It isn't just the words or the actions. It is the tone, the expression, and the emotion behind them.

I once taught a lesson that included a quote about anger. It said that when we are angry we reveal our weakness. I always thought of "weakness" as "Failing", "Flaw", "Defect". You know, the generic scene of a coach saying to his players "Your weak! Your soft! Your a slacker!"

But a sweet sister raised her hand and said "That is so true. I know I am more likely to get angry when I am tired or hungry. I definitely get angry when I am in a weakened state."  I was dumbstruck. I had never thought of it like that before. I had thought that if I was  a stronger person I wouldn't get angry. Ever. Now I saw a different perspective. A kind of preventative approach to anger and frustration. I started recognizing when I was more likely to get upset and make plans to react differently.

For example; if I got upset with my children when we were waiting for an appointment, I made sure I brought things to keep them entertained. If I was frustrated by their bickering, I waited a mintue before I went to intervene. Sometimes they resolved it on their own and we were all happy.

Lately I have noticed some regression. As the children get older, their problems and issues change and I have to learn all over again how and when to react. I am sure I still have a long way to go to make the full transformation from Screaming Banshee to Sainted Mother. I hope my kids are not too damaged in the process!

Woman of Noble Character Challenge Week 5

"She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant."

Week 5: Proverbs 31:22-24 Are you or a family member always hunting for a clean pair of socks? Does the laundry seem to be getting the best of you? Maybe you are always behind on doing the dishes. Write a post sharing how you deal with the never ending loads of laundry and dishes.



This week's challenge is the whole reason I wanted to do these posts. With 9 people in our house, we have A LOT of laundry. It is truly never-ending.

I try. Really. As fruitless as I know it is, I actually try to get ALL the laundry done. I even delude myself into thinking I have succeeded because the mountain of dirty laundry that was next to my washing machine is now a mountain of clean laundry next to my dryer. I don't think about the hills of laundry in the bedrooms and bathrooms what will become tomorrow's Everest. I feel especially accomplished when that mountain is folded and whisked away to mysterious hiding places.

Notice I didn't say "put away in drawers". That was not an oversight. My children seem to have an unspoken schedule for who will put their clothes away and who will hide them under the bed, in the closet or simply unfold them, give them a good shake and put them into the "dirty" pile.

I have gone into a room after such a travesty has happened. I look at the scattering of clothes on the floor and ask "Didn't I just wash that?" The response is predictably a shoulder shrug and a mumbled version of "I don't know". (Do they have a class in how to hold their head at that angle and wrinkle their foreheads in that puzzled way?)

I have tried to come up with some kind of laundry schedule. I can't stick to it. I start loads and forget about them or I don't have time to fold them. I have dreams of a table where I can fold and stack clothes as they come out of the dryer like in a laundrymat. My laundry room is smaller than my closet. Now that I think about it, it's smaller than my bathroom. All three of them! There is room for a washer and dryer to sit side by side and a laundry basket to sit in front of the dryer on the floor. My dirty laundry actually sits next to the fridge outside the laundry "room" door.

The result of all this cramped chaos is sumed up in this picture.

This is a larger color version of the one on  my profile. My son took it while he was playing with my camera. It is probably the most perfect picture ever taken by a 4 year old. It says more about my laundry burden than any words ever could. (That basket next to me is filled with unsorted socks... in case you're wondering.)

It's not all bad. I bring my piles of laundry into the livingroom, turn on the TV and have some mommy time. Maybe it seems pathetic that I sometimes look forward to this. I threaten to make my kids fold and they run for the hills. I can watch whatever I want for at least an hour! (The little ones haven't quite learned that lesson, hence the lap full of kids in the photo.) It can be relaxing.

I sometimes like washing dishes too. I enjoy a little time to think without interuption.

Maybe it isn't the best practice for me to do these chores instead of making my kids do it. (How wil they ever learn if I don't make them practice?!) But I take some pleasure and comfort in these simple tasks. Yes, I get frustrated when I find a stack of  folded clothes in the hamper...under a pile of wet towels. But there are worse things.

When It Rains, It Pours!

(This is going to be long, just so you know!)

(Note: THis was originally part of a blog challege, Woman of Noble Character Challenge 3 & 4)

She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

Week 3: Proverbs 31:16-18 Are you thrifty and frugal? Do you take care of yourself by exercising and eating right? Write a post about how you are spending wisely and/or any ways in which you are making healthier choices to ensure you are energetic and strong.

Week 4: Proverbs 31:19-21 Do you extend a helping hand to the poor and needy? Is your family prepared for the possibility of a need? Write a post about how you are helping the unfortunate, and how you are setting aside for a day when your family may be in need.
I can't believe how timely this is. For those who don't know, the past few weeks have been crazy for our family. A month ago I would have written something very different for this challenge.
In January, my husband had surgery in Texas. I was his non-medical attendant. He had a fairly large cyst in his heel bone that was causing a lot of pain. The doctor here thought he might break it if it wasn't repaired. They cleaned it out and did a bone graft. (His full recovery time is at least 6 months!)

We spent 17 days away from home while we traveled to the hospital, he recovered from surgery and we returned home. It was not too bad. I felt like I was in limbo. Just before we left, I found out I was pregnant. I didn't feel quite right at first and, honestly, I was really stressed about it. I had 3 blood tests to check my hormone levels but each seemed fine. While we were in Texas I made my peace with this unexpected news.

While we were away, my mother, father and 2 brothers took care of our 7 children at our home. One child or another was sick the entire time we were gone.

Although our time in Texas was uneventful, our journey home was quite the opposite. We left just ahead of a big winter storm. We wanted to get as far ahead of the storm as possible before we stopped. Our truck had other ideas. At about 9:30 PM we suddenly lost power. I pulled onto the shoulder and we crawled along to the nearest exit (about 6 miles down the interstate!).  We checked into a hotel and asked about an auto parts store or mechanic. We had few options. We were in the middle of nowhere. Literally.

The next morning we found the truck was working just fine but we went to parts store and added some transmission goo just in case. By the time we left it was snowing pretty hard. My husband had gone off his meds so he could drive. He has more experience driving in snow. I was a nervous wreck.

For the most part, it was harrowing but not too bad. We had one SERIOUS close call when we came upon an accident that  was undoubtedly fatal for someone and had potential to be even worse. The accident had occurred in the opposite direction but the vehicles involved were in the median. There was a tractor trailer parked in the middle of the interstate on our side, straddling the center line in an effort to stop traffic. The driver was trying to help those involved in the accident. Because visibility was so low, we didn't even see the truck until it was almost too late. The icy road made it impossible to stop. I have no doubt that angels were guiding us as we slid around that truck, barely fitting between it and the guardrail. There were a few men on the road waving for us to stop. They jumped out of the way as we slid by like a scene from a movie. I have never been so scared in my life!

We drove through the storm and finally made it to clear roads near Memphis. That's when the truck started to act up again. We stopped for lunch and found out that there was a rental car agency a few miles away. The truck worked great getting to the rental car place but we didn't know what the problem was (We still don't but our guess is a computer issue. It seems to reboot if you turn it off and restart the engine but it will act up again after driving it for a while.) We rented a car and started for home but it was snowing again. The rest of the trip was kind of slow but much safer. Before my parents left that evening, we told the whole family about the new baby.

We arrived home Wednesday evening to sickly kids. By Friday I had decided that 2 of them were sick enough to see a doctor. One was diagnosed with strep, the other (our 11 year old) only had a headache and ear pain. The doctor said it was probably a virus and sent us home. That night he started throwing up. He couldn't keep anything down the whole weekend. By Monday he looked awful! His color was terrible, he was dragging himself around. I took him to Urgent Care as soon as the kids were on the bus. (my husband was home with 3 kids under 4 and on crutches.)

Patrick was given an IV of fluids, something for nausea and his strep test was positive. He started antibiotics that day.

That same day was my first doctor's appointment. Patrick waited in the waiting room half asleep while I sat through the usual lecture about eating a proper diet, etc, along with a new one about getting older and the increased possibility of birth defects. Finally the midwife started the exam with her little heart beat finder. She only found mine. She brought in an ultrasound machine and tried again.

Now, I had 5 babies overseas where they use an ultrasound for everything so I have seen more than my fair share of ultrasounds. I knew what I saw on the screen was not normal. It looked like an empty black circle, not unlike the cyst I had a few years ago.

She brought in a doctor to do some measurements and make it more official, then they went through a big deal about getting the dates wrong and doing more tests. I agreed to it but I was pretty sure there wouldn't be much change. I think the midwife knew this. She talked to me a little about miscarriage and was very sensitive without being too specific. I didn't tell Patrick or the other kids, only my husband.
The next day we made a whilrwind trip to Memphis to get our truck. It took all day. I never wanted to drive again at that point! We didn't quite make it home before the bus so my Visiting Teacher come over to meet the kids until we got home about 20 minutes later.

After a few days Patrick started to perk up and looked a little better. He asked me what makes your pee change colors and we talked about food coloring and dehydration. I didn't think much of it. Friday night he told me his pee looked like root beer. I was stunned. I told him to let me see it but he didn't until the next evening. I thought he was exaggerating. He wasn't. It was VERY dark.

My first thought was the antibiotics. Dark urine was listed as a side effect under "call your doctor" if you have this. I called the ER and asked to speak to a nurse but they said they didn't do phone consultations. I wasn't sure if it was an emergency since he wasn't in pain, didn't have a fever, seemed a little run down but fairly healthy, etc. That night he threw up again. I didn't give him the antibiotics that night or the next morning. He slept late and woke up just before Shane left for his church meetings.

I had Patrick get dressed and go with us to church. His face looked puffy and several people commented on how bad he looked. Shane and another brother gave him a priesthood blessing. He said that "with time" Patrick would make a full recovery. I felt reassured but I was more certain than ever that he needed a doctor. Shane took him home while I stayed with the other kids. When we got home they were both napping. Shane's surgery has taken a lot out of him and he still gets tired easily. I woke him up and told him I was taking Patrick to the ER.

At the emergency room they didn't seem too excited about Patrick at first. The doctor gave him and IV and sent a urine sample and some blood to the lab. (By now his urine was red!) The nurse said that he might get cold from the IV and I could ask for a blanket if he did. Near the end of the IV he started getting goosebumps and looked kind of purple and blotchy. He was even shivering a little. I went to the front desk and asked the nurse for a blanket. She seemed a little put out but when she came in she immediately took his pulse. His heart rate was 20 beats per minute. She hooked him up to machines and got the doctor. They did an EKG. His heart rate had come back up to an acceptable rate but his blood pressure was high. (the highest I saw was 174 /99). The doctor came in and said she had called Vanderbilt Children's Hospital in Nashville and they were sending an ambulance. She explained that he was having a complication from the strep infection and his kidneys were shutting down. That was causing the high blood pressure.

I called my husband and told him what was happening. He made some calls and found someone to come watch the other kids. Now remember, he is on crutches, I have been helping him get dressed because he can't bend that foot, and his truck has not been running like it should. The ambulance arrived as he was leaving the house. They waited a few minutes but ended up leaving with Patrick while I waited for Shane.

We raced down to Nashville, went to the wrong ER (Vanderbilt is a huge medical complex) and finally found Patrick sleeping but okay. He had been throwing up because of the toxins that were building up from the kidney dysfunction. They had given him something to help him rest. They also gave him medication to flush the kidneys and keep his blood pressure in check. We repeated the events of that week who knows how many times that night to nurses and doctors, family and friends. Shane stayed at the hospital while I went home to be with the other kids.


He came home the following Tuesday after spending 2 nights in the hospital. He had made dramatic improvements but the doctors said it could take months for his kidneys to heal. We felt very blessed because he did not need dialysis or an extended hospital stay. He is still on medications and a low sodium diet but he is doing well.

The day after Patrick came home I went back to the doctor for a second ultrasound and the results. The doctor was very kind but reached the same conclusions that we had. Either there had never been a baby (a blighted ovum) or it had not formed past a few weeks and my body didn't realize it (missed miscarriage). We discussed options and decided to schedule a d&c for Friday. She had explained that the natural process can take a few days and be very painful and physically taxing. We didn't want that. We wanted to have some control again.  I guess the Lord wanted to teach us that we don't really have any control because Thursday my body realized it wasn't pregnant any more.

I wasn't in any pain but I was bleeding very heavily for several hours and starting to feel dizzy. I called a nurse from our ward and she suggested going to the hospital to get checked out. After another late night we were home and the miscarriage was basically complete. The doctor at the ER said I had just gone through it faster than most. I had been expecting labor-like pains or at least some strong cramps. I had none of that. The doctor gave me something to cause stronger contractions and speed things along but I barely felt them. Another blessing.

By now you are probably wondering what this has to do with those verses in Proverbs and the questions associated with them. Well, I learned a great deal about virtuous women during all of this. I called on 5 to watch my kids during our various hospital trips. 2 brought meals. One brought flowers and chocolate "to bring you some sunshine". 2 gave me advice about low sodium foods. 2 gave me advice about the miscarriage. Countless others called or emailed offering prayers, comfort, and support. I got hugs and smiles.  Some of these women I haven't seen or spoken to in 10 years or more. I was overwhelmed by their love. I never realized how much it could mean to know you are not forgotten.

I also realized how important it is to be prepared. In a temporal way, we had plenty of food and enough money for our various needs. We were careful with our spending and had planned ahead for the trip to Texas. When we returned I replenished our supplies. Through all the excitement I made sure we kept up with dishes and laundry. Our kids have regular chores (not that they are happy about them) so it was not unusual for them to do the basic housework that I couldn't do for one reason or another.

We were also prepared spiritually. The moment of crisis is not the time to look for faith. The faith needs to be there to hold you up when the crisis comes. Without prior preparation my son would not have had a priesthood blessing. I would not have recognized the comforting of the Spirit during each of these trials. Prayer would not have been my first instinct when we faced danger and fear. If I had not been going to church, I wouldn't have known those sisters who reached out and they wouldn't have known me and my family.

The last thing I learned from all of this is how important it is to choose our friends wisely. We lift each other, stregnethen each other, motivate each other. I know I would not be the person I am without the many virtuous and noble women in my life. They put me on the right path and keep me there. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for this great blessing.

Woman of Noble Character 2

Week 2: Proverbs 31:13-15"She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens."





Do you plan and prepare for the day? Do you start the day with a quiet time with the Lord? Are you ready to meet the challenges of the day? Write a post about how you set aside time to plan and prepare for yourself and your family everyday. Whether it be meal planning, scheduling, grocery lists, chores, or what you do to make sure you have time for Bible study and prayer with God.


I have to admit that this is an area of struggle for me. It isn't that I never plan or never prepare. I just have lots of disruptions to my plans. When I take the time to plan something and it doesn't work the way I planned, I freak out. I yell or pout or sulk or walk around in a funk, sometimes for days. I have learned that it just isn't worth it.

In the past I have had a regular schedule for shopping. I have made long, detailed grocery lists and spent hours sorting coupons only to find that the commissary doesn't carry half the products I have coupons for. I have also gotten home and found that I forgot to add some critical item to my list and end up making another trip.

For me, I tend to work better under less rigid conditions. I am a very intuitive person (according to those personality tests) and I function best when I use that instinct. I have had countless impressions to buy an extra dozen eggs or laundry detergent when I was sure I didn't need those things. When I got home, sometimes with the item sometimes not, I found that I did, indeed, need the thing I felt impressed to buy. If I listened, I pat myself on the back. If I didn't, I kick myself in the pants. It might seem silly but I believe we can be guided by the Spirit at ALL TIMES and in ALL PLACES...even the grocery store.

As for the spiritual side of the question, same goes. As a teenager I was able to follow a daily scripture-reading schedule in addition to early morning seminary. In college, my resolve fell apart. I have never managed to reestablish the habit.

That doesn't mean I don't study. I try to include gospel study wherever I can. I play General Conference CD's while I clean. I really enjoy having religious discussions with people of other faiths. It helps me think about my own religion from a different perspective. Sometimes I am faced with questions I can't answer. In researching the subject, I gain tremendous insights into my own beliefs.

My current goal is to read one Genereal Conference talk every day, marking the parts taht stand out to me. I haven't done very well this year but I am not going to beat myself up about it. It takes time to establish these kind of habits. Making an effort will do more good than giving up, even if the effort is inconsistant.

A Woman of Noble Character Challenge: Week 1

I came across this challenge while cruising a friend's blog. I decided to take up the challenge for a few reasons. First, the quote she uses at the beginning is from an October 2000 General Conference talk "The Joy of Womanhood" by Sister Margaret D. Nadauld, 11th General Young Women's President. I found that very cool considering there was no indication that the author of the blog has any affiliation with the LDS church.

The other reason I took this challenge was week 5. It made me smile! But I will get to that one in a few weeks.


The Week 1 challenge is Proverbs 31:10-12 "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."